I realize that you mean the world to me....Is it too late to confess?
Met A after a looong time tday. Coffee and conversations followed. Then I told him, "Shilpa is getting married". I knew the news disturbed him. He wasn't appeased. "That's news", is all he said. "Is it affecting you"?, I asked him. He didn't utter a word and instead banged his fist on the table.
Shilpa loved A much more than he ever knew. She culd never confess it to him but she gave him all the subtle hints which A did not reciprocate to, for whatever reason.
"She's been a great friend, it's not that I was or am in love with her or something, but the truth remains that I can't see her with somone else" he said. I was confused. "You never fancied her when she was in love with you, you never paid heed to any of her extremely obvious gestures towards you. And now when she's getting married to someone else you are not liking it? Why?", I asked him.
"You jealous? 'cause she's found someone else and you are still trying, Or your male ego is hurt", I continued. "Nopes Niks, it's not about ego here....it's....donno....mebbe", he said.
We all tend to belittle this love thing while we are young. We want to fist fall in love and then think long term. "Sometimes I wonder if I made a mistake by turning Shilpa down. She is intelligent, fairly good looking, extremely loving and was deeply in love with me. Is not better to be with someone who loves rather than waiting for the person you love"?, he asked.
I looked at him and pondered on what he had just said. Is it really better to be with someone who loves us rather than waiting for someone who might love us, and there culd be a possibility of that someone never turning up?
"Forget it, it's too late now", I said. "I am sure you wouldn't want to jeopardise her marriage just 'cause you SUDDENLY have realised what she means to you"!!
We so often are blinded by the attractions around us that we fail to realize the treasures we have. So many of us crib of never having experienced true love, but what about the love we turn down? How can you affirm that the love we trun down is not true love? The person who loves us truly might not be that "special someone" according to us, but the fact that you are that "special somone" for him/her, doesn't that feeling make you feel special? We always realize the importance of someone in our life only after their presence is threatened! We take them for granted, isn't it?
Some times in life the person whom we love doesn't seem to understand our feelings, just like we don't seem to understand the feelings of those who love us....
Shilpa loved A much more than he ever knew. She culd never confess it to him but she gave him all the subtle hints which A did not reciprocate to, for whatever reason.
"She's been a great friend, it's not that I was or am in love with her or something, but the truth remains that I can't see her with somone else" he said. I was confused. "You never fancied her when she was in love with you, you never paid heed to any of her extremely obvious gestures towards you. And now when she's getting married to someone else you are not liking it? Why?", I asked him.
"You jealous? 'cause she's found someone else and you are still trying, Or your male ego is hurt", I continued. "Nopes Niks, it's not about ego here....it's....donno....mebbe", he said.
We all tend to belittle this love thing while we are young. We want to fist fall in love and then think long term. "Sometimes I wonder if I made a mistake by turning Shilpa down. She is intelligent, fairly good looking, extremely loving and was deeply in love with me. Is not better to be with someone who loves rather than waiting for the person you love"?, he asked.
I looked at him and pondered on what he had just said. Is it really better to be with someone who loves us rather than waiting for someone who might love us, and there culd be a possibility of that someone never turning up?
"Forget it, it's too late now", I said. "I am sure you wouldn't want to jeopardise her marriage just 'cause you SUDDENLY have realised what she means to you"!!
We so often are blinded by the attractions around us that we fail to realize the treasures we have. So many of us crib of never having experienced true love, but what about the love we turn down? How can you affirm that the love we trun down is not true love? The person who loves us truly might not be that "special someone" according to us, but the fact that you are that "special somone" for him/her, doesn't that feeling make you feel special? We always realize the importance of someone in our life only after their presence is threatened! We take them for granted, isn't it?
Some times in life the person whom we love doesn't seem to understand our feelings, just like we don't seem to understand the feelings of those who love us....
The very thuoght of imagining my ex with someone else is eating me from inside...even after a long time of breakup. Its like you love someone and you want them to be part of ur life. Its not possible to see them enjoying with someone other than you.
ReplyDeleteI hope A is doing good after that news.
Arz000n:
ReplyDeleteThe problem is that Shilpa was not A's ex. He never cared two hoots about her feelings then. And now when she's getting married to someone else, he is not comfortable with the idea. Isn't he being selfish? He can't sink in with the idea that the girl who loved him so crazily once upon a time is now happy with someone else, and he is "still" finding a girl to fall in love with!
I can understand the feeling of seeing ur ex "happy" with someone else while you burn from inside even after years of a break-up. But you gotto move on and embrace the present, right? Tht's life.
A does not have a choice now. He too has to live with it.
One can rationalize to one's heart's content... but i guess love has never been a thing that's followed reason.
ReplyDeleteOh okie...
ReplyDeleteI missed that somehwere...
But now that he is kinda depressed with the thoughts of her getting married, says clearly that he had feelings for her. Isnt it?
Maybe he never gave importance to speak em out...or took her feelings for granted...n now feeling bad about it.
Yes...life has to move on. If she is happy...I need to feel good too tht she has found her happiness which she was not able to find with me.
So....fresh.
Adios!!
Niksi,
ReplyDeleteA very nice post! We take for granted the people who love and care for us. Forgrantedness of ingratitude and indifference. In the end, like A, we lay broken and shattered and add on to our lifetime's collection of scars. Wish we become more saner and realize the importance of such ppl in out lives. *sigh*
---Sheetal
Hullo,
ReplyDeleteFirst time on ur blog. U write well. keep goin'
Niksi,
ReplyDeleteWhere's ur new post? What have u been upto? You've been so buzzyy to not even feel the need to call? :-(
---Vijay
well, I do not really understand this concept of special someone, love has never been a thing that's followed reason.
ReplyDeletelove has never been a thing thats true, and thats the wonly truth.
We talk about love so very physically, just like its a thing, physical in nature and follows newtons laws. . Someone here would be quick to point out the quantum mechanics explaination of love . .
Love is there . . Love IS
thats it, you live with anyone for an year you would start loving him/her. . . all the intellectualising is not needed. .
today we have so many forms of loves and lovers: lovers who show beautiful dreams and then rape. . no nothing new, all those sex scandals video tapes and mms are there because one of the two thinks that its love
I think our earlier generation was very right in thinking that a happy marriage can lead to love but not the other way round.
Sheetal:
ReplyDeleteI tend to agree with you Sheetal :). We all become too idealitic when we think about love...since nuthing in this worls is perfect...
The whole taken for granted phenomena is going to sink someday and everyone of us are going to miss that presence of love if we tend to ignore. We'll only land up asking "How late is too late"?
However... the tragedy is that however much we rationalize and try to think practically.. yeh dil hai ki manta nahin.. :-)
Niks,
ReplyDeletehey very well written post. brings to mind the many discussions we had about it when we were in school but somehow it kind of died down after that. I wonder if its because we grew up and realised that reality is very different.
but its true that sometimes when we are looking for something.. even love, we are so caught up in looking for it that we might not realise it that its right in front of our eyes! :-)
--Vibha