All of us are traders of reality in this market of life. Some of us trade for the present, some for the future and some hold on to the bits and parts (most of the times worthless) from the past. It is a dance - where we most of the times hold on to what we have or acquired or make a sale depending on what we make. Sometimes we earn so much, only to loose it out in the next game. Every trader has some story/tale to narrate from these transactions.

Each one of us is walking on the edge. What you get is either the most specatular view that none has ever got before or a fall that is exciting for everyone else except for the person who has fallen. Every gust or wind touches you in the most severe way than it woud be on safer grounds. The pursuit of a mundane existence, added by time, continues fruitlessly.

Clogged.

There are times I wake up in the middle of the night up to the thought that the people I care about are no longer there with me.

Emotionally, I am feeling quite clogged from inside. It has been building up for quite some time now, nothing has helped in the least bit by recent events. Slowly and gradually, my abitlity to breathe has diminished to the point that I cud choke myself with my emotions. Then the feeling of being numb - to not able to reach out to anyone, to not be able to touch or move. It's then that I start wondering - what really went wrong? what is going wrong?, and I desperately look for a rope, or some hope, that I can grasp on to. And it's always in these times that 'other' mistakes follow - the ones that long term problems never get solved by.

My spirit's coming close to broken for a while and so is the body. If this is the way it goes, the situation would become unrecoverable. I think I have to be thankful for all those small mercies.

Another side of OUR nuturing act.

"She calls me atleast 4-5 times a day", A said.

"So! She loves you and she calls you. Nothing wrong in that", I tell him.

"Niks, I am in office. In the middle of work she calls and asks, "What are you doing? Jeez, what the hell am I going to do at office?"

I chuckle. That indeed is not an appropriate question to ask. But we wimmen....

"And if I have to include calls made to remind me to pay the electricity bills, to drop the mobile payment cheque, or to book movie/theatre tickets, it amounts to be about 10 calls a day!!. We don't need to be reminded of our responsibilities, do we?", he said.

"See, the number of calls your girlfriend/wife makes to you is directly proportional to the amount of love she has for you. I don't think you need to complain", I told him.

"Yeah, right", he said.

"The 1st call is at 10:30AM - that's when I reach office, the 2nd at 11:30AM - that's when I take a coffee break, 3rd at 3:00AM - when I go for lunch and so on so forth. She behaves like the daughter of an Army General; she is so regular with her calls", he said.

"I think you are lucky. You have a partner who is so concerned about you", I told him.

"Concerned!! Men don't call their wives/girl-friends so often. So, are we NOT concerned", he said.

"I never said that", I said.

"The other day she called me while I was eating lunch. She asked, "What are you doing"?

Me: "Having lunch, sweets".

She: "I can hear a female voice. Whom are you eating with?"

Me: "Oh! I am with Seema. She's a colleague".

She: "Is she pretty"?.

Me: "Yeah, kind of".

She: "Married"?

Me: Nah, but would be married soon. (I turn into an astrologer. Am considering this is a side business). Was asking myself, do only pretty girls get married? If yes, then who come my dear wifey got married? Lol!!

She: From tommorrow you aren't going to have lunch with her. Just 8 months into our marriage and you've started flirting again?

Me: I am not flirting. I am 'ONLY' eating!. I was so furious at that time but had to control my anger, for the chaste person that I am.

She: That's ok. My keeping a watch over you for the last one month has paid off.

Me: Watch? For what? Have you hired detectives behind me now?

She: No yaar. No detectives. Why do you think I was calling you so often?

Me: I gasped. Just didn't know what to say.

"She calls me even now. But the number has reduced. But knowing her, I am dead sure she must have hired detectives behind me. They are invisible to me, but I know they are checking my every move, he tells me.

"You never know, they can be your 'female' colleagues, too, I teased.

"Yup, you never know", he says.

"A, it's just an 'other' side of our nuturing act. Just chill", I told him.

"Bye, Niks. Should have understood the 'female bonding' was coming", he said.

"Bye, A. Have a nice day", I said.

We hung up. I am sure he was quite disgusted with me.

We wimmen care toooo much. Only if the MEN understood. *Sigh*

I often sit back and think - what would be our children's legacy? What qualities should we ingrain in them, which would help them live a rich, respectful and a meaningful life? Wealth and Education are important but I think more important are roots and the wings.

Roots - they are the strong strings of our values and beliefs that bind us in in the fabric of life. The coming generation(s) must not be a victim of confusion, cumulative corruption, struggle for daily survival and injustice. We are so depressed with these things that we looked for external rols models and are awed by the success of others. Instead of finding solutins within ourselves we prefer to sought them from outside.

It is very important that we appraise our children of our past glories. The loyalty, their conducive attitude, congenial approach towards things and people, the discipline, the definitive demeanor must be appreciated and give them a sense of pride and dignity. Our children should know that the general frustration, dissappointments and chaos in our lives is not a genetic disorder but it sprouts from the falling faith in ourselves. I believe a person who is rooted has a strong sense of balance and in times of trouble always has someone to look upto.

Wings - They are our future. Life's imperfections create the most fundamental environment for growth, aspirations, development, improvment and progress. They push us for the better or for best. It gives us wings to seek our utmost potential - seek the best and make it our own. It leads us to build briges and dreams to other lands and people. There is no limit to where a human man can reach. Why not gift our children the wings of discovery, development, exploration, expansion, advancement. There is no easy way but through trouble. Let's help them to pursue their dreams by working their skills to perfection with every trial and test. Let's make them winners.

I know it's a tall order but let's try. Our children (read as next generation) deserve it.

How often do we say this to someone, "I really am happy to be your friend. But, how I wish you were a little more understanding."

Yeah, right! Replace the word 'understanding' with friendly, sensitive, tolerant, wise, or whatever word you may choose. We do this so often.!! We like a person (or people) for who they are, and also wish that we could change some facets of their personality. It's not about changing them, 'cause if that was the case, we would never have liked them in the 1st place. We try to look at them for what they shold be rather than what they are! It's just an upgradation - to suit our needs and requirements! The way WE want them to be. It's ok, isn't it.

Nopes! It's NOT

You cannot like a person if you cannot accept him or her "whole heartedly".

Let's not expect too much.
Let's not take them for granted.
Let's thank them for the difference, however minute, they make in our lives.

American (Express) Visa.

I was quite dissapointed, a few years ago, when my American visa was rejected. Damn, those stupid people! Anyways, today I met an uncle who was planning a trip to the U.S of A. My first question to him, "Uncle, have you got a visa"?.

He told me, "Beta, I have been there 3 times earlier and I don't require any of 'those'.

Wow! How lucky!, I thought.

I asked him again. Only to confirm that my auditory apparatus is functioning. "Yes", he said a little annoyed.

"Uncle, have you got a Green Card", the spy in me asked. (This is thanks to all the spy thrillers I read).

"No", he said.

"Look, beta, I've been to the U.S thrice before and each time they accepted my 'American Express'.

This much for Visas! :))

I have an "American Express" too. Will I get entry in the land of Silicon Valley with that?

Cleanliness, Ugh!

Spoke to V today. You can neva get tired speaking to her; she always has something to narrate about her fav. topic - her Husband.

Today's topic was on Cleanliness.

"You know niks, 'S' (let's just take his initial) says he was obsessed with cleaninlines at one point in time."

"I think cleanliness for him meant to brush his teeth once a week, take only "sunday" showers, and wear washed and ironed clothes for parties. Cleanliness, my foot!", she retorts.

"Don't know what happens to them after marriage?", she continues.

"Why don't u speak to him into this?", I said. "If there are certain habits which annoy you, the best is to speak to him about it", I continue.

"Everytime I speak to him, all I get to hear is, "V, can you please stop pestering me about these issues"?"

She continues, "He takes the newspaper inside the bathroom!. For the God in me, I really fail to understand the logic behind taking the newspaper in the bathroom!!!Is there no other place in the entire house to read?"

"To continue, he perpetually forgets to put the toilet seat down!. When I speak to him of it, I hear him say, "So what, put it down again!". Am I his servant?"

"The walls are full of soap after he completes his shower. Can't he just be careful?"

"You look at his wardrobe! He dresses like the Maharaja of Rajasthan; all branded clothes, but none of the contents of his wardrobe are ever kept neatly."

"Then on the breakfast table, Gosh!, he gets scolded for dropping enuf food on the table that can make a feast for 100 ants! Phew!"

"I am sure he would grin his teeth, promise himself that he too would make your life hell, if he ever had to hear this conversation, I told her".

He!he!. We both had a good laff.