A wise man said...

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.

-- Aristotle

(Ex) Terminating the past.

Spent the night at one of my best friend's house. Let's call her 'S'. Talking to her had a way of bringing a dash of amusing, everyday reality into my increasingly surreal life.



The combination of two sleepless nights and the continuing acute worry had left her physically and emotionally spent. She was going through the aftermath of a broken relationship. A story she tried not to let herself think of anymore. The memory of it all was still so painful. She hadn't seen him months now; months without seeing him, touching him or even holding him or even knowing where he was and telling herself that it no longer mattered. There were times when she wanted to turn back the clock, to make it not happen.



There was nothing left between them except bitter regret and frozen love, and whatever he felt for her was not enough to make him desire her presence. But even after so many months, some nights she still woke up and lay sleeples for hours, not angry but infinetly sad, remembering that for a very long time they had been happy together - Genuinely Happy.



I knew, and so did she, that it was time to put it behind her, time to get on with life. In many ways she had succeded in overcoming the initial outrage and bitterness she had felt over what she still considered to be his betrayal. Apropos to the fact that she was not "always" right in the relationship, talking to her, I came to understand that when grief is not shared, blame is passed around like a hot potato instead, thrust from one to other eventually sticking to the hands of the one least able to throw it away.



Why is it that she, who usually is so absolutely in charge of her actions and emotions, gets hit like this every so often?

Nostalgia

There are a lot of things I want to write about. The whimsical restlessness has taken a new dimension and intensity. Reason: I spoke to a long lost friend today, we studied in school together.



School years were so much fun. Mondays..always remind of the day the school reopened for a new academic year, and I used to love that smell of new note books covered in brown paper, those new text books dovered in cellophane, new pens, and best of all...new teachers...so, I began to like Mondays. Tuesdays...dreary Tuesdays when the long week loomed ahead, and PT classes and Class Tests, and everything that could go wrong would go wrong...yup, those were the Tuesdays(I still havent gotten over that Tuesday-phobia). Wednesdays used to be the day when we went to school dressed in full white uniform and I love white (next to blue, of course)so, I just grew to love wednesdays. Thursday..yucks..that seemed to be the longest day of the week, two Maths period, no Games period, the most packed day of the week. Fridays...great..I remember waiting for the last period on Friday..waiting for the bell to go off heralding a weekend of fun, I still love Fridays.



Everything seems to have happened a lifetime ago. I have copious fond memories of the years passed. A deluge of snapshots are projected onto the mind's screen.



I want to preserve and remember all of this when I grow old. I want to know that I had a diaphanous life and full of colour. I must not let them wash away with time.

The Programmer's Cheer...

Shift to the left, shift to the right!

Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!

I think I expect too much, out of peole (is there anything wrong in that?), out of my relationships with everyone, out of life and even myself! There are times when the question pops up in my mind, "What if I am not as good as I think I am"!?! (Ok, I consider myself too good! :-))



There are times when one little incident, one small comment gets me berserk and any clairvoyant person can sense it in a jiffy that I am off balance. But isn't the stage wherein nothing matters, a i-dont-care-attitude and being unconcerend called BEING HARD? I, for sure, don't want to be that way.



I hope I continue being like this way for long. I, sometimes think I care too much, worry too much and think too much. And I don't want to change that about me at all.



I have lived 24 yrs of my life being that way..and I am happy...That's ME! :-)

Y am I feeling so outta sorts today? Moi facing the keyboard wondering what is it that I want to say..I am at a loss of words..mebbe it's just one of those times when my brain refuses to churn out thoughts and emotions. It was a tiring day, guess the fatigue multiplies when your psyche aches too! It's just the physical exhaustion combined with a feeling of well being.



'Tis was a good week, enjoyed every bit of it and I am already looking forward to the weekend. I have lotsa things planned out..mind feels lighter today..all complexities have (or atleast seemed to) have ironed out.



Finished reading Timeline by Michael Crichton. The author transports the reader to 14th-century France and explores perils as a result of venturing into a different time.



The story starts with two travellers finding an old man in a tattered robe wandering disoriented in the Arizona Desert, the only clue to his identity being the plan of a medieval monastery in his pocket. This story of a man trying to find his place in a world he doesn't feel a part of gets subtly touching towards the end. All the necessary ingredients for a best seller. :) Aside from the moral and scientific aspects, the book is a superb adventure with all the twists and turns one expects from Crichton. A must read for all sci-fi lovers.

Of Mars and Venus : Gender Communication Difference.

I received this forward today, it proves that men and women differ significantly in their styles of communication and this difference has measurable consequences for both of them.



What a woman says:

"This place is a mess! C'mon,

You and I need to clean up,

Your stuff is lying on the floor

and you'll have no clothes to wear,

if we don't do laundry right now!"



What a man hears:

blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON

blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I

blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR

blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES

blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW

Should one night stands be forgiven?

[Disclaimer: It's a long post, read it at your risk. Don't say I didn't warn you :-)]



It's just about lust. There are no emotions involved. It's 'one' night for crying out loud! I had this conversation with a male counterpart (who happens to be an ex-colleague and a very good friend), who says, or rather justifies that one night's pleasures should be excusable.



Me: Anyone in a relationship or marriage has no right to a one-night stand. If he or she does it still, then it is a breach of trust and breaking a commitment, and it is the biggest lie if one hides it from one's partner!



He: What if the person concerned does own up to the partner? And what if it was just an anomaly?





Me: I would never be able to forgive my partner for having a one-night fling, especially if my whole life revolves around him.



He: Of course you can forgive! Are you saying that everyone has to be infallible and Godly? No one is perfect, you know. And you'd never know whether you"ll be able to forgive or not until you actually do it!



Me: Oh! I can never do it. Also, it's not really a question of being Godly...



He: But that's exactly what you are saying Niki.



Me: What I'm saying is that it's very human to not have a physical relationship with anyone else buy your partner. I would never think of physical intimacy with anyone else but my partner - and I'm not perfect either. Besides what about integrity?



He: Niki, if you set the same standards as you except from yourself on everyone else, then everybody will be you!



Me: It's not that...what is not acceptable from a guy's point of view should be the same from the women's standpoint as well.



He: Men and Women are not the same by nature. Most men are polygamous and it's less with women because of the social conditioning. Honestly, rationally I feel I'm strong enough to forgive my partner for a one-night stand. In fact, you"ll actually realize the depth of your strength if you can forgive your partner from a one-off fling.



Me: Maybe we are talking about just a night, but can you deny the fact that it would still be cheating? Excuses that people put forth for going astray - one night at the end of the day are mere excuses!



He: It's possible to forgive because life is much more than a mere night of breach of trust. You, I think, need to reconsider the very concept of fidelity.



Me: You're wrong! If you are madly in love with your partner, you would get the essential vibes and you would have an inkling of something amiss.



He: Your belief in faith and trust in terms of your own relationship is admirable but I must admit that it's also frightening [he laughs out loud on saying this, the jerk that he is]



Me: I am not the melodramatic type but if I get to know that my partner has had a one-night stand, whatever the circumstance might have been, I would leave him.



He: Have you ever seen the absoluteness of what you're saying? It's damn scary!



Me: Shut Up! Why is it scary to belong to someone completely?



He: You can be somebody's completely. But suppose he forgets temporarily that he is your's completely. Does that mean the end of life? He is not having an affair here. It's just about a night's physical pleasure, that's all!



Me: "Temporarily forgets" Excuse Me! Do men suffer from partial amnesia? And moreever why would anyone want to risk a well-established relationship for just a night's pleasure? I don't understand this!



He: But every relationship needs some space. And I would say there are always reasons for having one-night stands as well. Also, the phenomenon has increased because it offers anonymity, which makes it easier to make out and forget.



Me: Oh please! i don't agree.



He: Niki, I'm not saying one-night stands are lovable in any way. It's just about hormones [says it so sheepishly].



Me: Whatever you might say, one night stands for me are completely unacceptable. When, once the trust is broken, everything is over.



He: I feel one-night stands can be forgiven and you can move on still. Personally, I can accept an altered relationship than having no relationship at all.



Your say?

Each one of us at some point or another believe that the people who care for us will always be there. But it may not be so always. Sometimes to know the value of something you have to lose it, or atleast come close to losing it.



Our parents, family and friends are the people with whom we interact everyday. We must realise that there is no guarantee that each of them will be available for us all the time. We sometimes don't notice the good deeds and the contributions that each of them make in our lives.



The one day, suddenly, the people are gone. Too late to do anything but to stare helplessly as your world falls apart. At that point we begin to realize just how much we've lost. The space that was once filled is now empty. We then regret that we didn't appreciate these people enough while they were there. Even though it is very hard, and sometimes impossible to change the past, we can change the present. Look around, think about who in your life contributes to your development on a regular basis and cherish what you have at this very moment, because it just might not be there the next.



It's okay to tell people how much you need them and how much you love them. Do it while they're here.

Resolutions 2005.

As 2005 takes over today, did you actually sit down and make a list of your New Year resolutions - guidelines you want to observe, that reflect the person you want to become, in the year ahead?



The procedure is not as passe as some people make it out to be. In fact, resolution lists have other names these days: gratitude lists, wish lists, welcome lists..and so on. But a list by any other name (sorry Shakespeare), is still a list.



My resolution of the year is to:



-->To try and give my best in relationships. Going by the past year's headlines (marriage breakups, relationship rifts, family feuds or empires), loyalty does not count these days. I hope there are no shades of gray in my life where my loved ones are concerned.



-->To be happy. Especially now, when happiness is perceived as a stroke of incredibly good luck rather than a way of life. To find happiness in simple things.



-->To make work seem like a play. Child's play at that --- is on top of my list. To be happy at work is a rare kind of job satisfaction.



-->To never hold grudges, not scowl when scolded.



-->To learn from my mistakes.



-->To live in the present (reality is where its happening, or don't you watch TV)



-->To listen to my inner voice.



So what's yours?