“The cultured give happiness wherever they go. The uncultured whenever they go!”- Swami Chinmayananda

As much as I would want people to like me, appreciate me and say nice things about me, I kind of envy people who are so casual about things and hardly care about what people think or say about them.

Often we do things to impress others or because we feel that we deserve credit or recognition. And there are times we worry that our actions might invite disappointment(s) or wud be disapproved and which might create a bad name or opinion(s) about us. I mebbe generalizing here, but I am sure there may have been numerous occassions in each one's life when we thought (subconsciously!) that we are the centre of the universe and behaved as if the entire world depends on us, and what we are doing at that moment, and everyone is interested and keen in how we fare.

But I have come to realize that this world is too huge and complex and everyone is so engrossed in his/her life that whatever we do is of hardly any importance to the next being. Whatever we do at any time does not affect anyone but us. It's made me believe that we are a tiny dot in this huge cosmos. Life is an eternal battle; each one of us fighting and wanting to triumph. No one has the time and patience to look into another. I feel being aware of this truth is important in leading a meaningful life.

Each one requires recognition and success. But most of us live in anonymity and there are more failuers than success. Where does that leave me? Should I just care abt my own life and make it a success? But that's when I get casual and not care about others? Is this the meaning of our existence?

After relationships, love and romance...the Gujjus are my fav. topic to discuss/speak and..blog about.

They are strange.
They are passionate.
They are so goddamned crazy that I can never love them for their idiosyncrasies.

Lets take an example of their ability to name their children. What I mean is that with the mind-boggling ability with which they crack problems...you sure wud xpect them to have some creativity with names right? Nopes. You are wrong.

In a cross section of 100 Gujjus, you will roughly find:

20 Jignesh(s)
10 Kaushal(s)
20 Apurva(s)
20 Mehul(s)
10 Piyush(s)
20 Sheetal(s)
10 Amishi(s)
05 Nehal(s)

The (un) fortunate ones are blessed with names that twist the tongue as well as the mind. It is a latent talent which has been practiced and perfected through the generations. But now that is a story of another day.

There has been changes...Now you would find Sania, Soham, Arjun, Ansh, Aashil in almost as much as abundance as say a Jignesh or a Mehul. For all you know in the next 10 years we may have a brand new list. Very meticulous people, the Gujjus.

And I will have a brand new reason to have a confused look.

Company of yourself.

"Niks, are u busy? If not, can you please talk to me for a while?".

She longed to talk. She desired to be ONLY heard. I heared her. I heard her compilation of thoughts and impressions of experiences that contibuted its aura in her storybook of life. Life isn't easy. Never has been for anyone.

We all go through it. It's funny that with so many people packed-in tight in this big city - you can never find one soul who is there for you when you need him or her. All busy-bee's! Sometimes not even your family is there for you. But anyone who has been through the 'phase' of searching would second that it creates such a deep impression on our sentiments, emotions, energies and resources. It weakens you - practically taking the life out of you. There are times when you are on your knees - lost, battered, defeated, alone - that you long for someone or something to pull you through this maze, lift you up and get you back on track again. The dreams of a saviour, a rescuer disintergrate rignt before your eyes.

What do you do then? We learn to live with ourselves - like ourselves - love ourselves. You must make sure that 'me' is worth loving, to be happy with that idea.

Friend,

I have learnt this and I want you to know it, too ---We are far more stronger than what we think we are. That's the only reason why we are constantly working and stubbornly persevering our dreams - because something special inside makes us. Look inward, within you. Embark yourself on a program called 'self development'. The prime objective being to bring out your latent talents and abilities. Develop yourself to be a people's people - not good to be sulking alone...so be socially active. I am sure that this way you'd have lots to talk about that people would enjoy conversing with you, and also enjoy your company. Please don't fret over not having anyone to talk to when you need someone to be there. Learn to like the company of yourself. All of us have seperate lives to live..and more ofthen than not it takes all our attention. And it doesn't provide spare room for other things. The bottom line is - you the person - and learn to live with that, with yourself. In life, you can take as many chances as you want. Give yourself the chance you truly deserve. Don't get bogged down by limitations - your's or someone else's. To have a chance, take one - or create one. There must be no stopping.

I cud feel her tears falling buckets. I was relieved as the flood gates of her emotional dam busrt open releasing all that she had kept inside her for so long.

There is something called as 'bursting the bubble' and here is me basking merrily, at all times examining each moment with the pessimistic attitude that I have developed over the years. Gazing out into the world, having attained everything and stll feeling indifferent. There are times when we convince ourselves about certain things that would never be a part our world. And, so we build ourselves a fence that protects us from all possible consequences. Even then we are constantly finding faults in the way things have shaped out.

Here she is; I watch her from across the table, wondering to myself...how cud someone be so untouched, smile so much, and not pretend even once. How can I really make somone so happy? Do I really deserve the regard? It's making peace with all her faults, strange behaviourial patterns and abilities, hoping that I never toss a priceless friendship, or simply praying that I'd never have to let go of it.

She's always trying to teach me the 'Art of Smiling'. Smile. Gurl. Smile. She steals a quick glance through my falling hair to check if there's a tear I am hiding. O! God! I pray to you..help that my cynical self stays away and doesn't let me ever hurt him. I can't just convince myself that these are my last few days to spend with you. I'd be gone. I am feeling so messed up. She's been making frail attempts to wrestle me out from beneath this avalanche of memories of her...

Good Luck mate.

"Niks, I'll miss you", he said with tears in his eyes.

"I'll miss you, too"

O! dear friend, if I had to sit and count the times you lightened up my life, I wudn't have enuf moments in a day to hold it. There wudn't be enuf songs to sing, for all those times when you understood me more than I cud. All will soon be gone by the waves of change and time - leaving nuthing but empty shores behind.

I clutch the thoughts of you close to my heart - I do not want it to depart. Yet I sense it slipping away...But like it or not, I am walking away and wud be gone!

A friend of mine once told me that no one throws precious things, friendships and memories away just for no reason. Because when you throw it away, you simply throw a part of you, too. Friendships don't die - they just retreat far back and sometimes also forgotten with the passing of time. But some day it will come back - when the time and the reason is right.

Each friendship has its own significance. There mebbe short-lived and passing friendships but somehow it still manages to leave footprints in ur heart. Because friendships are borne out of people and its the people who make our lives what it is - happy, sad, joyous, memorable and even miserable. Yes, we do come across some jerks at some points in life. But it all adds up to the bag of goodies called LIFE.

I am happy with the bag that is alloted to me. It may not be perfect - but it's made of many precious things - wonderful friendships; amiable people; some odds of bad relationships; the joys of pleasant experiences; some warts of bad and testing times; some hurt, pain and agony; and much more. All of these have contributed to shape who I am. All of it is a gift from God - all the good was for my happiness and all the bad was for my learning and growth. It indeed is a beautiful life. And, I feel it even more with all the wonderful friendships around me.

You've always walked besides me, shared my agony and exhilaration. You'll always be my best buddy no matter how far I am from you. I'll always pray - wherever you are, I hope that you are at peace with yourself and happy at your heart.