Understanding Women - FOR Dummies.

Since the dawn of time, men have complained that women are hard to understand. Men claim our actions contradict our words; we are essentially unexplainable, secretive, moody and a MYSTERY. No one would argue that understanding women demands time, work and effort. Over the years men have been trying to solve the mystery behind a woman's mind and nothing concrete has emerged from that research thus far.

So, in honor of the failure to produce any significant results after so much pondering, I thought I'll offer an insider's peek at the female species. I just had to intervene. A list of things for those who could use a little help.

You are VERY welcome.

-"You look fabulous" should ALWAYS be the ONLY correct response. Without having to ask!

-We want to know about your ex-flames, ONLY to confirm we are better. And, yes, we've googled all of them!

-It's called cheating the moment you "think" of doing something you wouldn't want us catching you doing.

-When we say, "Having lunch with a friend", it means that, plus shopping.

-"Fine" is not a synonym for "beautiful".

-Chivalry turns us on. We love it when you fix the car, fill gas, catch bugs, carry bags, etc.

-Love, honor, obey and vaccum. Not necessarily in that order.

-Most of things in our closet were never on sale. They were...well, desirable.

-We'd like to HAVE the advantage in every single fight/argument. And, we WIN, hands down. Don't beat that. You'll be given options such as "You want to fight to be right" or "You want me to be happy". Choose wisely.

-Because we are women, needless to say, we are ALWAYS right. Accept it.

-Emotions insist on deeds. If you say you love me, prove it.

-We set the timer the moment you say you'll be home in 30 mins from office. Think before answering when asked.

-Watching sports on TV is not referred as "quality time" or "spending time together".

-You should know all this and more without my telling you.

And there you have it. For the applicable folks, I’ll look forward to your 50th anniversary party invitation in the mail.

What's your #Superpower?

I am a mother. And that suffices as an explanation. I'm talking of a life as a mother that is filled with schedules; pouring cereals into bowls, rinsing dishes, forehead kisses, changing diapers, building castles, complimenting Lego creations, cooking, digging in sand, picking up toys, scrubbing floors, wiping noses, et al. All this and much more while I wait for my coffee to brew, and drink it peacefully.

Glamorous? No!

But that is what we are. Mothers. Giving of ourselves; minutes turning into hours, hours into days, days into weeks, weeks into months that roll into years. Years that accumulate to create a life filled with everyday mommy moments in them.

Moments of joy, the beauty of the day, the smiles, the giggles and the squeals. But, somehow in this world of things to do, and achieving corporate goals, the beauty of just being a mother is completely lost.

Isn't being a mother sufficient? It is, I feel.

Success of motherhood cannot be judged by the science project your child got an A+ for. Neither in the score they receive for reading or the achievements in Math tests. The bar of success is raised so high by culture and media that the little things we experience in motherhood are completely lost and rendered unimportant.

Do you know what's important? The little things. The mommy things.

Combing back pigtails, tying up skates just right-tight, running for a catch, jumping on the trampoline, playing one board game after another, reading their favorite stories or turning on music for an impromptu dance break with your kids.

Last night, as I was putting my daughter to sleep, she coils her arms around me and tells me how the saddest part of her day is bedtime. I ask her why and she replied, "Because I miss you". And, then I ask her what is her favorite time of the day, to which she says, "When you read me my favorite princess book. You are the bestest mommy". :-) Felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders. It was comforting to know that she's not focusing on the bad things - times when I've lost my patience with her, raised my voice or nagged her on the most absurd things.

These are the things that matter. Things that are not "favourited" on Twitter or "liked" on Facebook. Small things that we celebrate. Things that most people don't see.

They don't see us wake up at midnight to scoop the most fragile of a human being close to warmth. To rock, nourish, change diapers, and sheets that are leaked on and leaked through. They don't see us battling toddler tantrums, shaping a soul, find shoes every morning, remove stains from every piece of cloth, and cook a dinner out of nothing.

They don't see us keep the kids off the road, walking into the doctor's office, friend's house and keeping them occupied. They don't see us put in 90-hours by mid-week and still do one more load of laundry. And some more pots and pans in the sink. They don't see us staying up late for projects that have no end, wake up early the next day to get things ready for school, and wave out the door until the car lights are no longer in sight. And still keep going..

So, dear mother(s):
Don't wear out. You may not be the perfect mother, but you are a REAL mother. A mother who bends and surrenders not only to the pains of labour, but far and beyond, to the heart pain of letting go - from the womb, from the arms, from the door. A mother who doesn't receive a bonus for potty training or the benefits of a company car if folded laundry piles are kept back in drawers. YOU are a mother who receives compensation through hugs and kisses. Whose rewards are delivered in the form of the most precious smiles and softest snuggles.

Your success can never ever be rolled into a paycheck. Your job is ever-changing, and the job-duties are endless.

Nature's giving tree - That is YOU. Today, tomorrow and forever.

And, that is your #Superpower. What's yours?

 

What to Accept when you are Expecting.

For most women, the first "Oh my god! I'm having a baby!" moment comes when the pee stick flashes the second blue/pink line. That event is filled with anxiety, fear, elation and, humor - a combination of all the emotions that helps carry us through the next nine months. For a lot of us, it's like openly confessing to having sex when you pay for those sticks at the pharmacy :P. No matter what the emotion is, this experience is always savored. Regardless of whether it's with the first child, second or nth. It is always stored in the corners of our mind, even after the test is tossed away once it's proved it's point.

What follows is a series of happy times - when the doctor tells everything looks okay and there's nothing to worry about. When you see the ultrasound, you hear the heartbeat, and you start to imagine yourself as a parent. With google answering and preparing you, more than the doctor does, for what lies ahead - what to do when the water breaks, rushing to the hospital, what essentials to pack in your hospital bag, how to hold a part of your heart for the first time, if no complications come your way. Complications - grave ones that lead to the expectant mother's death or a chance that the mother looses the baby even before it has a chance to develop. Life-threatening, either way.

To the mother who couldn't labor in pain to birth her child,

Please know that we understand how lonely you feel; how tired you get of seeing life's blessings happening around you each day. I know how agonizing it is to realize you won't see your baby in the first-hour-of-life after birth. To not hear their first distinct exclamation proclaiming their presence to the world. To not hold them, feel their tiny bodies against you, and gaze at the wonder before you. We know that behind every tear, every angry word said is YOU grieving for your child. Would-be-parents who are crying woeful for their child whose embrace they no longer will feel, no longer visualize its future, no longer hear its voice. I'm fully aware of the beauty in the moments of holding your child, gasping of your breath in the glory of the child you created, and the moments when grandparents set their eyes on their grandchild(ren).

It is going to take you a while to really laugh, enjoy a lunch date, or even eat a meal without choking on tears. People will tell you its okay and you wondering if it really will be is very legitimate. Looking at other kids in the neighborhood or at a store - hearing their laughter, feeling their joy, seeing them smile, is going to pull you down and allow your anger to sprout wings. But, anger only gives birth to despair. And, that's not what you want. You want clarity on the reasons, and that will bring you to reality. To calm down, regain strength that keeps your feet moving, meeting doctors and discussing options. Wiping away tears, listening to others, hugging, comforting, and absorbing the pain.

Dear You,

Please stay courageous and hopeful. Continue to pray with perseverance and whisper your mighty wishes. They never go unnoticed. Don't give in, give up, or walk away. The light of hope will shine, and you will return to life before all this, one day.

 

Until the end of Time....

Let me rest in your arms,
Framing your face with my hands,
Rubbing my cheeks against your jaw,
Feeling you, smelling you, touching you,
The exchange of breath in pleasured sighs,
Until the end of time.

Let's have a secret rendezvous; just you and me,
And go to a place where the rest of the world is invisible,
Whispering soft words of love, of pleasure,
Laughing, playing, teasing, - just being us,
Until the end of time.

Let me feel you close to me, inhaling your warmth,
Your hand pressing my head to your chest, my ears timed to your heart;
I like the voices I hear - soothing, reassuring and comforting
Until the end of time.

Let me hold you close through the night,
Let me touch your soul and hold it tight,
For I am yours and you are mine
And will remain forever - Until the end of time.

Disclaimer : Title adapted from New York Times best selling author, Danielle Steel's novel ,"Until the End of Time".

Pic: off the web.

The gift of friendship.

Lonely hearts don't grow cold if you have that 3:00AM friend to talk with. I've been missing "this" friend lately. We've been friends for over a decade. The devoted one who I know is always there. The one with whom I've never felt like I'm sailing alone in the gigantic ocean. The one who would never abandon me if I say or do something that is inappropriate. But, sometimes closeness slowly scatters. We don't end up spending time with each other like we once did. It is unrealistic to expect friendships to stay intact as they are. This emotional struggle reminds me that life contains stages of many different journeys. With each new one, some friends may drift apart. Some will walk with you, some won't. Some move along a different direction, some will meet you at crossroads and pick up the friendship again.

Although, enough time has lapsed, you are still the first person I reach out to when I need a friend. To have a friend like you is relaxing into another soul and be welcomed in all that I am and all that I am not. Friendship between us provided me with a safe place to share in the experiences of life. It's a great gift knowing that you see as I do and understand me like no one does. I am extremely grateful that you walked with me on different parts of my journey. Thank you for making each stage so meaningful. Thank you for helping me become the person I am today. For nurturing, guarding and pursuing the friendship we share. For calling me without waiting to be called first. For listening between the lines and offering you heart. Above it all, for giving me the gift of TIME - the most treasured of all commodities. No matter how hard I try, I will never be able to thank you enough. 

When I look back the past few years, I see the most illuminating years of my life. For one, I became a mother to my now-four-year-old daughter. Four years of being consistently present in heart, mind, body and soul for her. There were some really hard days; little sleep, too many dishes, endless piles of laundry, and always a diaper to change. So many needs to be met each day. Days when I felt swallowed up by life. Waking up at dawn only to work my way through a busy day where there were not many hours in one. But it is all temporary - they grow up too soon, too fast. With the baby years now behind me, I slow down a bit, take a step back, center myself, trying to focus on those goals that blurred in the midst of all the commitments I made. Things I missed out on doing in all the chaos. Those simple pleasures in life I took for granted. Writing being one of them. It was an intimate part of me, foreplay of a sort. Making love amongst words was always way up in my list of turn-on's. Words that don't necessarily have a meaning or mark an impression. Essays that don't set a tone, give any information or set as examples. But, it's my little space where I shed every ounce of inhibition and pen what I truly am, what I really think. That's what I need to get back to doing. Blogging. Because I always have things to say, and my endless need to be heard hasn't diminished, yet. If I can't get online to post everyday, I'll say it nonetheless - to the lambs or any other receptive audience. So, it's homecoming for me, as I restart my journey in blogville again. See you'll soon.