Understanding Women - FOR Dummies.

Since the dawn of time, men have complained that women are hard to understand. Men claim our actions contradict our words; we are essentially unexplainable, secretive, moody and a MYSTERY. No one would argue that understanding women demands time, work and effort. Over the years men have been trying to solve the mystery behind a woman's mind and nothing concrete has emerged from that research thus far.

So, in honor of the failure to produce any significant results after so much pondering, I thought I'll offer an insider's peek at the female species. I just had to intervene. A list of things for those who could use a little help.

You are VERY welcome.

-"You look fabulous" should ALWAYS be the ONLY correct response. Without having to ask!

-We want to know about your ex-flames, ONLY to confirm we are better. And, yes, we've googled all of them!

-It's called cheating the moment you "think" of doing something you wouldn't want us catching you doing.

-When we say, "Having lunch with a friend", it means that, plus shopping.

-"Fine" is not a synonym for "beautiful".

-Chivalry turns us on. We love it when you fix the car, fill gas, catch bugs, carry bags, etc.

-Love, honor, obey and vaccum. Not necessarily in that order.

-Most of things in our closet were never on sale. They were...well, desirable.

-We'd like to HAVE the advantage in every single fight/argument. And, we WIN, hands down. Don't beat that. You'll be given options such as "You want to fight to be right" or "You want me to be happy". Choose wisely.

-Because we are women, needless to say, we are ALWAYS right. Accept it.

-Emotions insist on deeds. If you say you love me, prove it.

-We set the timer the moment you say you'll be home in 30 mins from office. Think before answering when asked.

-Watching sports on TV is not referred as "quality time" or "spending time together".

-You should know all this and more without my telling you.

And there you have it. For the applicable folks, I’ll look forward to your 50th anniversary party invitation in the mail.