Should one night stands be forgiven?
[Disclaimer: It's a long post, read it at your risk. Don't say I didn't warn you :-)]
It's just about lust. There are no emotions involved. It's 'one' night for crying out loud! I had this conversation with a male counterpart (who happens to be an ex-colleague and a very good friend), who says, or rather justifies that one night's pleasures should be excusable.
Me: Anyone in a relationship or marriage has no right to a one-night stand. If he or she does it still, then it is a breach of trust and breaking a commitment, and it is the biggest lie if one hides it from one's partner!
He: What if the person concerned does own up to the partner? And what if it was just an anomaly?
Me: I would never be able to forgive my partner for having a one-night fling, especially if my whole life revolves around him.
He: Of course you can forgive! Are you saying that everyone has to be infallible and Godly? No one is perfect, you know. And you'd never know whether you"ll be able to forgive or not until you actually do it!
Me: Oh! I can never do it. Also, it's not really a question of being Godly...
He: But that's exactly what you are saying Niki.
Me: What I'm saying is that it's very human to not have a physical relationship with anyone else buy your partner. I would never think of physical intimacy with anyone else but my partner - and I'm not perfect either. Besides what about integrity?
He: Niki, if you set the same standards as you except from yourself on everyone else, then everybody will be you!
Me: It's not that...what is not acceptable from a guy's point of view should be the same from the women's standpoint as well.
He: Men and Women are not the same by nature. Most men are polygamous and it's less with women because of the social conditioning. Honestly, rationally I feel I'm strong enough to forgive my partner for a one-night stand. In fact, you"ll actually realize the depth of your strength if you can forgive your partner from a one-off fling.
Me: Maybe we are talking about just a night, but can you deny the fact that it would still be cheating? Excuses that people put forth for going astray - one night at the end of the day are mere excuses!
He: It's possible to forgive because life is much more than a mere night of breach of trust. You, I think, need to reconsider the very concept of fidelity.
Me: You're wrong! If you are madly in love with your partner, you would get the essential vibes and you would have an inkling of something amiss.
He: Your belief in faith and trust in terms of your own relationship is admirable but I must admit that it's also frightening [he laughs out loud on saying this, the jerk that he is]
Me: I am not the melodramatic type but if I get to know that my partner has had a one-night stand, whatever the circumstance might have been, I would leave him.
He: Have you ever seen the absoluteness of what you're saying? It's damn scary!
Me: Shut Up! Why is it scary to belong to someone completely?
He: You can be somebody's completely. But suppose he forgets temporarily that he is your's completely. Does that mean the end of life? He is not having an affair here. It's just about a night's physical pleasure, that's all!
Me: "Temporarily forgets" Excuse Me! Do men suffer from partial amnesia? And moreever why would anyone want to risk a well-established relationship for just a night's pleasure? I don't understand this!
He: But every relationship needs some space. And I would say there are always reasons for having one-night stands as well. Also, the phenomenon has increased because it offers anonymity, which makes it easier to make out and forget.
Me: Oh please! i don't agree.
He: Niki, I'm not saying one-night stands are lovable in any way. It's just about hormones [says it so sheepishly].
Me: Whatever you might say, one night stands for me are completely unacceptable. When, once the trust is broken, everything is over.
He: I feel one-night stands can be forgiven and you can move on still. Personally, I can accept an altered relationship than having no relationship at all.
Your say?
It's just about lust. There are no emotions involved. It's 'one' night for crying out loud! I had this conversation with a male counterpart (who happens to be an ex-colleague and a very good friend), who says, or rather justifies that one night's pleasures should be excusable.
Me: Anyone in a relationship or marriage has no right to a one-night stand. If he or she does it still, then it is a breach of trust and breaking a commitment, and it is the biggest lie if one hides it from one's partner!
He: What if the person concerned does own up to the partner? And what if it was just an anomaly?
Me: I would never be able to forgive my partner for having a one-night fling, especially if my whole life revolves around him.
He: Of course you can forgive! Are you saying that everyone has to be infallible and Godly? No one is perfect, you know. And you'd never know whether you"ll be able to forgive or not until you actually do it!
Me: Oh! I can never do it. Also, it's not really a question of being Godly...
He: But that's exactly what you are saying Niki.
Me: What I'm saying is that it's very human to not have a physical relationship with anyone else buy your partner. I would never think of physical intimacy with anyone else but my partner - and I'm not perfect either. Besides what about integrity?
He: Niki, if you set the same standards as you except from yourself on everyone else, then everybody will be you!
Me: It's not that...what is not acceptable from a guy's point of view should be the same from the women's standpoint as well.
He: Men and Women are not the same by nature. Most men are polygamous and it's less with women because of the social conditioning. Honestly, rationally I feel I'm strong enough to forgive my partner for a one-night stand. In fact, you"ll actually realize the depth of your strength if you can forgive your partner from a one-off fling.
Me: Maybe we are talking about just a night, but can you deny the fact that it would still be cheating? Excuses that people put forth for going astray - one night at the end of the day are mere excuses!
He: It's possible to forgive because life is much more than a mere night of breach of trust. You, I think, need to reconsider the very concept of fidelity.
Me: You're wrong! If you are madly in love with your partner, you would get the essential vibes and you would have an inkling of something amiss.
He: Your belief in faith and trust in terms of your own relationship is admirable but I must admit that it's also frightening [he laughs out loud on saying this, the jerk that he is]
Me: I am not the melodramatic type but if I get to know that my partner has had a one-night stand, whatever the circumstance might have been, I would leave him.
He: Have you ever seen the absoluteness of what you're saying? It's damn scary!
Me: Shut Up! Why is it scary to belong to someone completely?
He: You can be somebody's completely. But suppose he forgets temporarily that he is your's completely. Does that mean the end of life? He is not having an affair here. It's just about a night's physical pleasure, that's all!
Me: "Temporarily forgets" Excuse Me! Do men suffer from partial amnesia? And moreever why would anyone want to risk a well-established relationship for just a night's pleasure? I don't understand this!
He: But every relationship needs some space. And I would say there are always reasons for having one-night stands as well. Also, the phenomenon has increased because it offers anonymity, which makes it easier to make out and forget.
Me: Oh please! i don't agree.
He: Niki, I'm not saying one-night stands are lovable in any way. It's just about hormones [says it so sheepishly].
Me: Whatever you might say, one night stands for me are completely unacceptable. When, once the trust is broken, everything is over.
He: I feel one-night stands can be forgiven and you can move on still. Personally, I can accept an altered relationship than having no relationship at all.
Your say?
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