Sulky Me...:-(

I am now sulking. S has gone to Bangalore and I so do wanted to go with him. And I am totally irked by the fact that he hasn't called me. He's going to get a punch on his nose when he comes back. Grrrrrr......

I was given a don't-behave-like-a-kid lecture by Vijz. Sheetal's cell is also non-functional since the past 3 days; the ignoble reliance guys have not activate her new number. Now, I am all lost.

To make me feel better (or miserable!) she ordered my fav. chocolate brownie with added measure of chocolate sauce!! Slurrrp! Yum! Yum! Forgot all bout Sushant and Sheetal. Me going to dig in that brownie.(I eat when I am upset :P)

Choorieee Sushant and Sheetal, You shall be remembered a lil' later. No wallowing for some time. No sulking.

I love him so much..

....for the way he made me feel like we were made for each other the first time we met.

...that everything is forgiven and forgotten the time I hear his voice.

....that I wait all day to speak to him, share with him the day's minuest details, no matter how insanely late he is.

....that I overlook his flaws.

....that I see and feel him in my dreams.

....that no matter how far he is from me, I think about him every second of my life.

....that I forgive him for goofing and messing up things.

....that I have forgotten to eat, sleep, drink, socialize, read and concentrate on life.

....that I get thrilled to see him online.

....that despite all odds, at the back of my mind, I still hope of something materializing and that we will be together one day.

....that I fail to notice how he may be using me to his own advantage.

....that I look past the things that don't seem right.

....for all the efforts he makes in getting to know and understand me better.

....the crazy way in which I miss him.





I love him so much that I would give up everything and anything to be with him for the rest of my life, if he asks. The truth is so profound; I know that he wants me in a limited way (Just as friends) and he has assured me that we won't get attached and that he is well armed of such an eventuality.



Why do we love someone so much that they start making a difference to our lives.??? When we knew in the first place that it was never meant to be, why does it hurt even more finally knowing for sure?



I am surprised at how juvenile I am. I am scared of confronting my feelings.



So, Dear You, I wanted to say thanks. For nothing. For everything. I am slotting us into nicely fitted frames because neither friend nor boyfriend suffices? And why the hell must it?



Mom/Dad, get the arranged marriage thingie going. 'Cause I have given up.

I, Me, Myself...

I AM : Irrelevantly Illogical by nature, too unpredictable and
belligerent.
I WANT : True Love.
I HAVE : Lived through the various colors life has shown me.
I WISH: Upon a star .
I HATE: Liars, Flakes, Fakes, and Bigots not to mention Zealots.
I FEAR : Being alone.
I WONDER: What's gonna happen next?
I REGRET: Not finding the courage to look into his eyes and say, I MISS
YOU.
I LOVE: My father,my mother, Arjun, my bhai and my sister-in-law in
that order.
I AM NOT: A morning person.
I CRY: When I see movies that have sad endings. They create a lump in my throat.
I WRITE: Lotsa senti stuff.
I CONFUSE: Myself and all others associated with me.

About thyself:

1.Single or taken : Single
2.Your age : It's a cardinal sin to ask a woman her age, idiot.
3.Sign: Gemini
4.Siblings: 1 bada bhaiya.
5.Hair Colour: Black
6.Eye Colour: Black
7.Shoe size: 5
8.Time you work up today: 6:30 AM
9.Place of birth: Mumbai, India
10.Which car do you drive: a Black Accent.

My Favourite:

1.Number: 3
2.Colour: Black (It makes me look thin :o))
3.Day: Friday
4.Month(s): May, June and December
5.Bands: Christina Aguilera, Enrique Iglesias, Jagjit Singh, Pankaj Udhas, Backstreet Boys, Britney Spears.
6.Food: Chinese,Italian,Mexican
7.Season:Monsoon
8.Sport:Cricket

Relationships:

1.My best friend(s) are: Sushant, Anita, Sonu, Sheetal, Vijz, Dee, Amit.H, Rahul.
2.You into a relationship? NO.

Stuff:

1.You shop at: Benetton, Lifestyle, Mango, Marks and Spencer and Gap.
2.Do you have any piercings: Not Yet.
3.Do you do Drugs: NO
4.You Smoke: No
5.You Drink:Occassionally
6.The last person you called:Vijz.
7.How many buddies do you have online right now: 7 on Msn and 12 on Y!

Have You Ever:

1.Given anyone a bath: Yes, my nephew Arjun.
2.Smoked: No
3.Bungee Jumped: No
4.Made yourself throw up: Yes
5.Been in Love: Yes (I still am in love with HIM!)
6.Lied to get out of trouble: Yes, I lie to save my ass, sometimes.
7.Cried when someone died: Yes. The day my grandma passed away.
8Fallen for any of your buddies: Yes. HIM!
9.Rejected someone: Yes
10.Done something you regret: Yes. (Can't write about that here)

Current:

1.Clothes: Low-waist Levis jeans, a light pink T-shirt from Mango (picked from UK).
2.Hair: wet and left open
3.Book: The Monk who sold his Ferrari
4.In the CD Player: Britney Spears
5.In the DVD Player: My best friend's wedding.


Last Person:

1.You gave a Hug: My nephew Arjun, 1/2 hr ago.
2.You spoke to: Sheetal (10 mins ago)
3.You chatted with: Amit M.


Random:

1.In the morning I am: grouchy and utterly irritable. I hate mornings.
2.All I need is: a person to love senslessly and to be loved back in return.
3.I dream: Of being held in a way and rest there forever smug and comfortable in all the warmth.


Do you:

1.Sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to come on: Yes, not all night tho'.
2.Wish you were a member of the opposite sex: No ways. I am proud to be a woman.
3.Wish you were younger: My mental age hasn't increased at all.!!
4.Cried because someone said something to you. Yes, the last time was when Amit.M exploded on me for NO reason at all (While I was in UK)!(I hope you are reading this. Would you still care to xplain what went wrong??)


Number Game:

1.No. of times got my heart broken: 1.
2.No.of hearts I have broken: Donno.
3.No.of tight friends: 5
4.No.of Cd's I own: Too many.


~Ok Bye haan. Cheeya. Have a nice week.

Tongue Tied.

Expressing yourself clearly and effectively is a gift. A gift that I am not blessed with.

Everytime I want to express my deepest emotions I have always fallen smack on my face. There are people to whom my continous ramblings, rants and raves are a constant source of entertainment. Yes people, I am an eccentirc and a sprightly spirited character. The joke is not on me and I didn't plan it that way.


I have always introspected time and again on the way I speak. There have been times when I have been affable and outgoing in my conversations, which resuts in S thinking that I am stringing him along all the time.

Diplomacy is also not my cuppa chai. I can call a moron a moron, a house a house and a spade a spade. Today I happened to give a genuine compliment (or comment, whatever it is!) to a fellow woman colleague. She asked me, "Niks, how do i look in this black dress?" "Don't I look in shape?" and I answered, "Yes, ofcourse U look in proper shape. Round also is a shape!!. She goes away with a grunt, swears on me and promises herself to never ask me anything again.

We women surely are complex creatures. (I'm sure this would put a smile on the faces of all the MEN reading this). We can't be deciphered. But Men are equally bad. I give up on all humans.

~Cheerio.

On a different note, one day I am going to look in his eyes and tell him what he means to me. Amen!

A stapler pin attacked me tday..a khooni one...

Vijz came to office tday. She had just returned from a short trip to Pune and came to show me the pics.

The stapler pin made its move just as we sat on the couch (Don't let ur imaginations run wild here!) at the reception. Caught the victim (ME) unaware and it stuck to my finger. Vijz plucked it out and threw it in the bin, quoting, "Ek stapler pin ko maarne so kya hoga, haazar aur paida ho jayenge" :D

Decided to destroy the root..ME gng to buy a stapler.

Looking back....

I saw then through a range of emotions....
sometimes seeped in brittle joy, often full of life......
With questions in my mind and answers in my hearts...
With reminiscences of yesterday and hope for tommorrow....

I can see you sitting across the computer, running your hand through your hair, your glasses reflecting the glare of the monitor and today, I feel nothing - you have finally been banished to memory.

I hope that you are at peace with yourself and happy at your heart.

To all brothers....

Couriered rakhi to bhai tday...it's Raksha Bandhan on the 19th. It would reach him by then. I had promised myself that I'd not moon over my brother not being here. It's been 10 years since he's away and every year during this time I feel miserable.

He's been my pillar of strength and support system......always let me have the bigger helping of dessert, helped me complete my project the night before it's due (even tho' he knew I'd take the credit for a job well done!), knew when I've been good and bad (more than Santa Claus ever will) and always made me feel like a younger sister (in his own twisted and weird way). :-).

Everyone should have a sibling.....I am against the one child policy. Who would a single child fight with? argue with? Irritate? sneer at? tease?

I pray that everybody's brother is safe and fine. Happy Raksha Bandhan to all brothers. May you always find joy in life.

Another fwd:

Atypical Vijz sent fwd:

1. Don't imagine you can change a man unless he's in diapers.
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.
3. If they put one man on the moon -- they should be able to put them all up there.
4. Go for younger men. You might as well, they never mature anyway.
5. Men are all the same -- they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
6. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
7. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.
8. Women don't make fools of men -- most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
9. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at him.
10. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone
11. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener...
12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years... Even in Biblical times, men wouldnt ask for directions....
13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him - Cheque Books....
14. Sadly, all men are created equal.....

Men, no offense! It's just a laugh.....

I realize that you mean the world to me....Is it too late to confess?

Met A after a looong time tday. Coffee and conversations followed. Then I told him, "Shilpa is getting married". I knew the news disturbed him. He wasn't appeased. "That's news", is all he said. "Is it affecting you"?, I asked him. He didn't utter a word and instead banged his fist on the table.

Shilpa loved A much more than he ever knew. She culd never confess it to him but she gave him all the subtle hints which A did not reciprocate to, for whatever reason.

"She's been a great friend, it's not that I was or am in love with her or something, but the truth remains that I can't see her with somone else" he said. I was confused. "You never fancied her when she was in love with you, you never paid heed to any of her extremely obvious gestures towards you. And now when she's getting married to someone else you are not liking it? Why?", I asked him.

"You jealous? 'cause she's found someone else and you are still trying, Or your male ego is hurt", I continued. "Nopes Niks, it's not about ego here....it's....donno....mebbe", he said.


We all tend to belittle this love thing while we are young. We want to fist fall in love and then think long term. "Sometimes I wonder if I made a mistake by turning Shilpa down. She is intelligent, fairly good looking, extremely loving and was deeply in love with me. Is not better to be with someone who loves rather than waiting for the person you love"?, he asked.

I looked at him and pondered on what he had just said. Is it really better to be with someone who loves us rather than waiting for someone who might love us, and there culd be a possibility of that someone never turning up?

"Forget it, it's too late now", I said. "I am sure you wouldn't want to jeopardise her marriage just 'cause you SUDDENLY have realised what she means to you"!!

We so often are blinded by the attractions around us that we fail to realize the treasures we have. So many of us crib of never having experienced true love, but what about the love we turn down? How can you affirm that the love we trun down is not true love? The person who loves us truly might not be that "special someone" according to us, but the fact that you are that "special somone" for him/her, doesn't that feeling make you feel special? We always realize the importance of someone in our life only after their presence is threatened! We take them for granted, isn't it?

Some times in life the person whom we love doesn't seem to understand our feelings, just like we don't seem to understand the feelings of those who love us....

For me life means......

...........A picture postcard of happiness and treasured memories of nostalgia.

Opportunity knocks many times.

Got this fwd today. Prolly an old one, but significance still holds :)

A young man who wished to marry the farmer's beautiful daughter. He went to the farmer to ask his permission. The farmer looked him over and responded, "Son, go stand out in that field and I'm going to release three bulls, one at a time. If you can catch the tail of any one of the three bulls, you can marry my daughter."

The young man stood in the pasture awaiting the first bull. The barn door opened and out ran the biggest, meanest-looking bull he had ever seen. He decided that one of the next bulls had to be a better choice than this one, so he ran over to the side and let the bull pass through the pasture out the back gate.

The barn door opened again. Unbelievable. He had never seen anything so big and fierce in his life. It stood - pawing the ground, grunting, slinging slobber - as it eyed him. Whatever the next bull was like, it had to be a better choice than this one. He ran to the fence and let the bull pass through the pasture, out the back gate.

The door opened a third time. A smile came across his face. This was the weakest, scrawniest little bull he had ever seen. This one was his bull. As the bull came running by, he positioned himself just right and jumped at just the exact moment. He grabbed... but the bull had no tail!

Life is full of oppourtinities. Some easy to take advantage of and some difficult. Many a times we let them pass in hope(s) of something better, these are the ones that don't come and are never available again.

Smoky weddings.

Attended a family wedding tday. Since Momma's outta town and Dad's unwell, had to go with my aunt. Marriages of tday are so pompous and weird. Imagine sitting in front of a fire (not a nice campfire, mind you), lot of smoke for 3-4 hours and all those ceremonies.....oooh...tough to imagine...thank GOD it needs to be done only once in a lifetime. But the one positive point tho'..marriages leave one happier...glad tht it's finally over and done with. Whew!.... :D



This wedding was like any other. Bored bridegroom, tired bride, plastic smiles, irritating camera man, flashing lights, over dressed matrons, under dressed salads...BUT the food was YUM! Got a few nagging comments from irritating relatives on how little I know of my religion and my religious duties...so what??? Do I go and drown myself in a drum full of dhokla batter......???!! Grrrr.........

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

There are sometimes in life when you feel down, and sad for no reason at all. These are times you miss the people you love and care about. I call this a time for FRIENDS. They just have to hug you once to make you forget all the pain that is there in the world,
to make you love the fact that GOD made friends.

Since it's Friendship week, lemme take this oppourtinity to thank each one of you for always being there. S, Sushant, Sheetal, Dee, Amit.M, Mitesh, Amit.H, Vijz, Vibha, Sabs, Amit.A and Delphine.....all seperate entities, with their own set of morals/ethos/values..from different cultural backgrounds..with different set of priorities, different ambitions/aspirations..yet all fit in like a planned puzzle.

You guys are the love of my life. I have always looked, still look and always will look upon you to soothe my ruffled feathers, solve my problems and gimme moral support. No matter where I go, whatever I do....I shall always draw strength from the fact that I have you all who love me for who I am..and for being ME.

Had read this poem while surfing...


When troubles come your soul to try,
You love the friends who just stand by.
Perhaps there's nothing they can do,
The thing is strictly up to you.

For there are troubles all your own,
And paths the soul must tread alone.
Times when love can't smooth the road,
Nor friendship lift the heavy load.

But just to feel you have friends,
Who will stand by until the end.
Whose sympathy through all endures,
Whose warm handclasp is always yours.

It helps somehow to pull you through,
Although there's nothing they can do.
And so with fervent heart we cry,
God Bless the friends who just stand by.

Momma was aghast and almost got a cardiac arrest when she saw the mess called my cupboard. A what-an-untidy-and-a-messy-gurl-you-are lecture followed :o(. So I took it upon myself to clean up all that mess.

I opened the cupboard, saw the once neat interiors, gave a disgusted shrug, made a discordant sound, promised myself to clean up the mess soon and be a more tidier person in future, closed the door and walked away.

What diligence! As Vijz would put it, "My idea of housework is sweeping the room with a glance"! How well you know me :-).

They say I have been lately analyzing too much. Mebbe yes. I've tried to get rid of it but culdn't. It's too deeply ingrained in my psyche. If you think I can't write funny stuff..then you are RIGHT.....I can't (I am not adept at it). I can make a satire out of people, life and incidents, but humorous writing, which is a charisma, (Some people are so adroit at it..I envy them) is something GOD for his own reasons has deprived me of.



I started blogging because I need to empty my think tank from all those capricious thoughts that agglomerate and agitate me. Blogging alleviates me from them...well atleast for some time.



So all fellow bloggers who spend their esteemed time reading my posts..please bear with me. This is the only way outta my mental gas chamber.