Communication - Although all of us have been communicating with others since our infancy, the process of transmitting information from an individual (or group) to another is a very complex process. So here is a blog for everyone...just ramble on!

Sunday, November 20, 2005

"We are friends and always shall remain", is what he told her.



The most heart-breaking line in the simple (or otherwise) history of break-ups. It came her way, too.



"Dammit, I can't just be friends with you"! She wanted to scream. "You know what I feel for you and having been through so much already, how the hell can you even think of something like that??", she wanted to ask him.



"Ok", is all that she mumbled. That's all she cud say. She didn't have any choice, anyways.



"I can't forsee anyone else in my life and that seperating from you would elude me", she wanted to tell him. She had so much to say to him. But it wudn't make him any difference. She knew that. He had made up his mind. He didn't want anything but friendship from her.



People who were in a binding r'ship earlier, the concept of them being friends after the r'ship is jeopardized, needs to be clarified to me. Even if they went out together (as friends), what would u call it? "Hanging" around or a date? Since the r'ship rights have now been revoked, what is the probability of them talking to each other? How often would they see each other? Where would they draw the line? How should she react when he introduces her to his new "girl-friend" or a potential wifey? So many complex situations.....which need simple answers.



Not wanting to make things worse between them or confront him, she never dared challenge him about it. He never feigned any moderate amount of kindness when he spoke to her, even for her sake. For all the times they shared together. Her misery compounded two-by-four when she discussed this with her new "friend" (earlier boy-friend), he resisted all her efforts, said things about the past that were not relevant and evidenced no particular interest in her. She couldn't bear the "chilling" out on the r'ship, that now had turned into friendship. She was too hassled and got deeper and involved herself too much into things he said.



And finally, he lashed the final N-bomb on her, there's someone else in his life. He talks about their r'ship, about their mutual understandings, their (in)compatibility, et al. Listening to him talking abt his g-f (read as would-be wife) made her feel something, she cudn't exactly place her finger on the emotion. Sadness? Jealousy??....He kept telling her a lot of things, things that her mind din't want to hear. He showed her his wud-be-wife's pics, spoke about their marriage plans..etc. All she could thing was, his wife.... once-upon-a-time she had hoped to covet that position in his life. It felt a lil' odd hearing him talking abt some other woman taking that position. She said, "I am happy for you" with tears streaming down her eyes. That's also what he expected out of her. "You now move on", is what he told her in return.



When the feeling sank in, she realized that she was not happy for him. She wanted him to be hers. She never wanted to be friends with him. She was not deficit of friends in her life. She always had more than friendship on her mind - when it came to him. Always had a garland in her head.



Which is the best way to handle a break-up? Certain set of people say that the break-up shud be clean. You then pick up the peices (read as debris), wave a good-bye, cut all ties and neva look back again. Some say that being "friends" make way for a smoother transition which reduces a fair amount of the pain. How? Can someone pls explain this funda?



How you deal with break-ups, according to me, solely depends on the factors involved for the break-up and the feeling of both the people during that time. If it is mutual, then yes, you can be friends. But can break-ups eva be mutual? If one feels for the other, the friendship would be at the cost of a major heartace for one of the 2 involved.



Wot do u say? Can 2 people be friends or want to be friends, after they've had a close r'ship.??



18 comments :

  1. If you love a person you never leave the person no matter whatever is the situation.
    If someone would Break Up with me and hook up with someone else - I would think that the r'ship was BS!!!!!! I would never look back...
    -AJ

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  2. true he wasnt serious abt her.
    life hai ..chalta rehta hai.....
    u cant predict bad times.
    frankly speaking...she should have kicked him from the 5/6thfloor...
    n its even stranger that a guy is suggesting all dis stuff.;)

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  3. One more thing that popped up in ma mind which ma roomie told me last night while we were walking back to apt afta having dinner.

    Never beg for your love.

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  4. niki...u will be loved a LOTTTT in future dear..! relax!!

    and after reading u posts i feel that HE didnt love u enough...i mean the way u loved HIM...

    Dont think so muach about ur past dear....live in ur present..plzz

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  5. AJ

    If you love a person you never leave the person no matter whatever is the situation.

    Picture this: You are into a r'ship and you love the person from the inner core of ur heart. But say after some time, u realize that your r'ship is not gng the way you wanted it to and the things you once loved abt this person are the same ones u hate NOW! Wot wud u then? U wud still continue the r'ship only 'cause you ONCE upon a time THOUGHT that u were in love??

    If someone would Break Up with me and hook up with someone else - I would think that the r'ship was BS!!!!!! I would never look back...

    No sane person (even if he/she is from some other planet other than earth) wud do that. There's no looking back to a person whose dumped you for another one. But having said this, I see no harm in your ex falling for another if the reasons for which you guys broke-up are genuine and logical. Life is all about moving on. It's like saying Love is a journey..you start walking with someone expecting tht person to continue walking with you till the end. But due to some situation/circumstances/reason that person leaves u in the middle...it DOES NOT mean that you stop looking for another person to walk with you till the end. If ofcourse, you are ready to take that risk again. Isn't LIFE all about taking risks?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Abhishek

    true he wasnt serious abt her.

    How do you conclude that?

    life hai ..chalta rehta hai.....

    Haan, Yeh Hi LIFE hai. And we all survive.

    u cant predict bad times.

    Yep. But one xperience teaches you to be cautious.

    frankly speaking...she should have kicked him from the 5/6thfloor...

    He!He! U bet!

    n its even stranger that a guy is suggesting all dis stuff.;)

    It's not only wimmen who go thru pain in r'ships. There are men, I know, who have been thru this pain striking phase as well.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Arz000n

    but the pain was a bit less...

    The pain of a heart-break is never less or lesser for anyone. The volume/intensity of the hurt for everyone is the same. It's only the way we shape situations which makes it feel that our pain is the worst of it all.

    and y u still going thru all this thought process..

    Donno. Mebbe 'cause I am still stuck in the rut..not wanting to come out of my shell.

    She blocked all communications...it still hurts when I think wht was the reason behind all this. She just erased everything...whtever email id's, chat id's, cell phone she thought I was aware of. Why?

    Is blocking all communication with your loved one.. the most ideal (read as mature) way?

    You can never step down and be friends with the person you were in love with.

    I agree. That wud be the biggest lie the people involved in a r'ship tell themselves or each other. It only translets as to "Friends with benefits".

    The thought of lettting her/him go, is painful, and this brings lot of memories which we are suppose to forget.

    I think it's better to part than being unhappy in each other's company. It always takes two to make a r'ship...and if one of the 2 is unhappy...it eventually catches up on the other.

    You'll not care how many gals is he dating behind u. Will you??
    Coooooorect!!

    but by taking this as a lesson and bouncing back strongly.

    Yep. Life's all about living it to its fullest. And I shall do the same.

    They just cant be mutual.

    I agree. There is no such thing as "mutual" break up. There's always one person whose hurt and the other relieved.

    If I said anything that you didnt like, I apologise for it.

    Sweets, Pls! I value ur every advice and suggestion. And I hereby promise that I'd abide by all u said.

    Is this wht she meant when she said, she loved me and had feelings for me?

    We sometimes perceive things wrong, don't we?

    Yess...this is what a BREAK-UP is!!

    Indeed!

    Everything would be fine and fall into place. After all that struggle that we go thru everyday.

    *Hugs*

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  8. Hey Nik,

    >things you once loved abt this person are the same ones u hate NOW! Wot wud u then? U wud still continue the r'ship only 'cause you ONCE upon a time THOUGHT that u were in love??
    I can speak for myself...If I had started journey with someone I would love that person for what a good or bad qualities she possess ... Yeah but if the other person was trying to break up or giving such signals that she is not interested in me anymore then I can't help it..rite ? I can just say I didn't start something with right person..

    It's just like kid trying to walk... number of times themselves falling to their knees and trying to walk vary but still they make it to walk. Something similar to finding the right person ..you may find it in once or it could take more time as I prefer to speak for myself... But I wouldn't stop looking for her :-)

    > if the reasons for which you guys broke-up are genuine and logical.

    Hey you start the journey only after you have known each other for while..It's not like marriages where you meet someone once or twice and then end up tying a knot..
    If the reason is genuine and logical as you said..still it depends on reason... The only reason I would think she would break up with me if I were cheating on her..that seems to be pretty genuine and logical.. All other reasons can be resolved...
    Becoz you NEVER SAY NEVER :-)

    -AJ

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  9. "It's not only wimmen who go thru pain in r'ships. There are men, I know, who have been thru this pain striking phase as well."

    but who da hell cares??

    ReplyDelete
  10. Wht i feel that one tries to forget it.Love can be one-sided,its not always necessary that its frm both the side.It shud become a closed chapter in once life.And be careful in future abt making ny such relationships.Change the category of that guy frm best frnd to just frnd as u cant ignore him all of a sudden.
    Its hard but as everyone knows "Time is the biggest healer" ,everything will become normal.

    ReplyDelete
  11. AF

    niki...u will be loved a LOTTTT in future dear..!

    Yep. I DO deserved to be loved for what I am rather than what I am supposed to BE!

    and after reading u posts i feel that HE didnt love u enough

    Some r'ships are just not meant to be. It wud be unfair to conclude that he neva loved me enuf. I have made peace with it. And I am at peace with myself too!

    live in ur present

    Yep! I am.

    ~Cheers.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Sunny:

    Good lines there.

    Sure they were helpful. I am feelin betta after reading them. Hope the feeling lasts long.

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  13. dreamz_verity

    Wht i feel that one tries to forget it.

    I believe if there is a will, there is always a WAY!

    It shud become a closed chapter in once life.

    U need to just lock it all up and move on. Time and people never wait for anyone.

    Change the category of that guy frm best frnd to just frnd as u cant ignore him all of a sudden.

    There is neva a cateogory for the ppl whom you love the most. They exist in the inner core of your heart and will always be there.

    Its hard but as everyone knows "Time is the biggest healer" ,everything will become normal.

    Yes, True.

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  14. Abhishek:

    but who da hell cares??

    Just 'cause the person who hurt you doesn't care..it's not necessary that the other wimmen you know you dn't?. There are people in this world who care and love you.

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  15. I can speak for myself...If I had started journey with someone I would love that person for what a good or bad qualities she possess.

    God bless your soul. From what you speak, you sound like the very few "sane" men left. Men who would accept their partners the way they are and not how they want them to be. Your partner sure is gng to one lucky gal :-)

    Yeah but if the other person was trying to break up or giving such signals that she is not interested in me anymore then I can't help it..rite ?

    You cannot force anyone to love you. The best solution in the above situation is to LET GO! No matter how much you love that person and wudn't want him/her to go.

    It's not like marriages where you meet someone once or twice and then end up tying a knot.

    I personally believe in the "surprise" element in a marriage. Getting to "know" your partner...their needs, ambitions, likes/dislikes is a wonderful thing.

    The only reason I would think she would break up with me if I were cheating on her.

    :-). I hope that kinda situation never arises in your r'ship!

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  16. me just greatful to god that i never had to go through a breakup..
    i just cant imagine being friends with the person whom i love.. if ever the relationship breaks up i would have hatred nothing less nothin more fot tat person

    u no hatred and time are the best medicines

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  17. Sonu

    i just cant imagine being friends with the person whom i love..

    I think no one can.

    u no hatred and time are the best medicines

    Somehow I cud neva hate the person I loved once..even if we wud have parted. Byt yes, Time is the best healer.

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  18. Abhishek

    Seems like you are deeply hurt. Just take it in ur stride and move on.

    There shud be no room for hatred at all.

    ReplyDelete

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