Of special children and even more special parents.

The general sequence that follows in our society is Courtship… Marriage… Family, juggled appropriately with careers and ambitions. But planning a baby is a BIG decision. Arrival of a baby, dynamics within the family in general and particularly the couple undergo a complete metamorphosis. Unkowing feelings awaken in the new parents. Changes, mostly subtle inevitably creep into the husband-wife relationship. After all the demands of a new born and enormous. All this is the customary scenario when the new member of the family is born "normal". Can you imagine the profound effects that take place when the child born is handicapped.

So many problems being to surface from the moment a handicap is suspected or confirmed. That the disabled child will have extreme bearing on the interplay of emotional relationships is to be expected. The parents themselves, initially take a lot of time to come to terms with it. Devastating is the feeling that their child is not like any other. Coping with this reality is not only difficult, but traumatic.

Disability is an aspect that only few are familiar with. And no parent in this world would ever envision it as being a part of their lives. No one is ever prepared for this kinda eventuality. It is only something that we imagine happening to others, but not to ourselves. In such cases, most of the times, blaming the other for their misfortune creates a rift between the couple.

But with gradual realisation and time, parents do accept the inevitability of their baby’s condition. They are faced with yet another battle. How would people react? It is just not the reactions of their extended family that really bothers them, but the attitude of the society as well. They become too sensitive to different behavioural patterns, imagined or otherwise, of all the peoplr around them. Adverse, bizzare, thoughtless, arbitary comments, sometimes unintended, make them retreat back into their shells. They avoid social contact apart from the ones they are really close with. But doesn't the support from the people around you matter? Isn't the support and help of relatives, friends and society that contribute towards the eventual acceptance and rehabilitation of the child?

It's very unfortunate that disability and its implications are not fully understood by most of us. I don't doubt the general awareness. It has significantly grown. But do we really appreciate the stressful changes that change the lives completely of parents who have such children?

'Why me?', 'Why my child'?, is a phase they are left to battle out by themselves. There isn’t much we can do to relieve this aspect of their personal suffering. How many of us make an effort to not make them feel alienated? Do we really understand the magnitude of their confusion and vulnerability? Do we realize that their disabled child also needs love, care, support and warmth? Do we appreciate the strength of such parents who overcome their pain and sorrow and accept the reality of having a child who will always be different? It is only when such awareness spreads that a birth of a disabled child would not cripple the entire family....the day we'd believe that such parents are truly special.