Why??

Sometimes it's just so hard to see something that started out with so much promise, wither into nothingness. X had loved Y endlessly and selflessly for 5 years. (I had written about 'X' and 'Y' in my earlier post) But she was not lucky enough to have been loved back in return. The conclusion of their relationship was inevitable from day one. Memories catch her when she least expects them, flipping through old photographs and tracing the outline of faces and moments; she lives them all over again, catching that magical look in a pair of twinkling eyes, she thinks of the moments when she held him closely and tightly, never wanting to let go of him, wishing that time would stand still and she could hold him like that forever.



But even today,



*Why can't she forget his smile, his voice and his face?

*Why is he the first person she thinks about when she has to share matters concerning her?

*Why does she make his B'day a excuse to call/email him?

*Why is he the first person she thinks of when she goes online, inspite of the fact that he has mentioned it to her upteen numbers of times that he doesn't want to talk to her?

*Why does she think about him every time her cell phone rings?

*Why does she pray for his betterment?

*Why does she refuse to believe that he is going steady with someone?

*Why does she compare him to every other guy she meets, and why is he always a cut above the rest?

*Why can't she bear the thought of him touching another one?

*Why does her blood boil when she thinks of his current girl-friend?

*Why does she see thinks pertaining to him with a positive attitude and rose-tinted glasses?

*Why can't she see the messages behind the cruel words that he told her?

*Why does she still want to know everything about him?

*Why can't she believe that he must have forgotten her and that he cares a damn about where and how she is?

*Why does she fantasize that he still cares for her and must be thinking of her on-and-off?



Why is it so difficult for her to accept the fact that it was never meant to be? Sometimes the mind gives you enough reasons on why it was never meant to be, but the heart still cries for what it was and never will be the same again. The relationship that spanned 5 years, built brick by brick came crashing down like a pack of cards, shattering along all the dreams that were built and nutured.



I really wonder what strength it takes for people who take these risks over and over again. They say it gets better with time, maybe it does in some ways. Nothing in this world is permanent and constant, not even misery. But the hardest part is learning to walk again and keeping the faith all along, that there is someone and something better in store for you.