When I look back the past few years, I see the most illuminating years of my life. For one, I became a mother to my now-four-year-old daughter. Four years of being consistently present in heart, mind, body and soul for her. There were some really hard days; little sleep, too many dishes, endless piles of laundry, and always a diaper to change. So many needs to be met each day. Days when I felt swallowed up by life. Waking up at dawn only to work my way through a busy day where there were not many hours in one. But it is all temporary - they grow up too soon, too fast. With the baby years now behind me, I slow down a bit, take a step back, center myself, trying to focus on those goals that blurred in the midst of all the commitments I made. Things I missed out on doing in all the chaos. Those simple pleasures in life I took for granted. Writing being one of them. It was an intimate part of me, foreplay of a sort. Making love amongst words was always way up in my list of turn-on's. Words that don't necessarily have a meaning or mark an impression. Essays that don't set a tone, give any information or set as examples. But, it's my little space where I shed every ounce of inhibition and pen what I truly am, what I really think. That's what I need to get back to doing. Blogging. Because I always have things to say, and my endless need to be heard hasn't diminished, yet. If I can't get online to post everyday, I'll say it nonetheless - to the lambs or any other receptive audience. So, it's homecoming for me, as I restart my journey in blogville again. See you'll soon.

A Happy Valentine's Day To Everyone.

Here's a warm wish for a HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY to everyone. Enjoy it with your family and friends. People don't lose the magic -- believe in LOVE. No matter how many try to explain it, it still is a lovely gift from God. And don't wait till tomorrow to say it, say it now to your parents, children, family, relatives, friends or everybody who matter and mean so much to you.

Tell them NOW - TODAY!

Happy New Year 2008 - Everyone.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!

MAY YOU REAP TRUE BLESSINGS THIS YEAR 2008 FOR YOURSELF, YOUR FAMILY, AND YOUR HOME.

MAY YOU BE HAPPY AND CONTENT WITH WHO AND WHAT YOU ARE IN THE ORDER OF THINGS IN LIFE.

MAY YOU BASK IN THE JOYS OF ACHIEVEMENT AND SUCCESS -- APPRECIATE ITS TRUE WORTH AND BLESSING.

Merry Christmas to you, my friends.

To you, my dear friends, I wish you the best of the Holiday season.

May the love and blessings of God pour down upon you and your families, respectively, not only this Christmas but all through your life.

Merry Christmas

The year that was.....

During our first talking sessions, Anish and I knew what kind of relationship we desired, but it has taken us more than vision to bring it to realization. We were up against conditioned patterns and lifelong habits. Neutralizing them would take practice, devotion, and time. Determined that we could do it, WE held fast to our vision and commitment.

Many factors contributed to the difficulties we experienced, particularly during the early months of our marriage. And then there were all the vast differences between us. In most personality traits, we represent opposite ends of the spectrum : I am detailed-oriented, Anish is a generalist; I favor strict parenting, he doesn't; I go to bed early, he stays up late; I'm a talker, he's a thinker; I manage money, he spends it. The list goes on, but you get the idea.

In the early months of our marriage, because neither of us knew how to deal with our differences, we frequently found ourselves in conflict. It wasn't the differences themselves that kept getting us in trouble, but our reactions to them. Like many couples, we attempted to do away with our differences by trying to change each other or ourselves. Homogenizing our personalities, and thus eliminating the sources of conflict, seemed at the time to be a good idea.

This strategy, we were to eventually discover, doesn't work. Instead, it produced further conflict, both within ourselves and between us.

Even the strongest bonds, however, are not immune to the toll that ongoing struggles can impose on the relationship. We knew there had to be another way, and that helped us make the leap from tolerating our differences to appreciating them. We knew, at least intellectually, that it was these differences that had drawn us and made us attractive to each other. Thus we discovered that what drove us crazy about each other and what we were crazy about in each other were one and the same thing. The challenge was neither to try to change the other nor be willing to change for them, but rather to honor our own uniqueness. The experiences that brought us to our knees made us the people we are, and the learning and recovery that went along with each one have shaped our relationship into the treasure it is now. Through the many unskillful ways we treated each other, we learned the meaning of true respect. More than any other relationship, marriage has the potential to awaken our deepest longings and needs, as well as our deepest pains and fears

Today we completed ONE YEAR of Marriage. Of togetherness, of fighting, of loving, of smiles and of compromises.

To you, with all my love:

Thank you for all the love that has sustained us through the ordeals, the power struggle and the disappointments. We shared experiences as a couple and as a family that were joyous beyond measure.

Happy Anniversary!

Happy Diwali and a prosperous New Year.

Here comes Diwali with all its auspicious grandeur.

May this festival of light and sound fill your life with joy, prosperity and success.

Weighty issues.

Me: How do I put on some weight, Anish? What do I do?’

Anish (My husband): ‘For starters try not throwing your weight around at home.’

Me :-(

I have so much to say...

There's so much to say, I don't know even know where to begin. I can't believe it's June, it was just January yesterday. And December the day before that. Where are all the days going? How I wish there was some way I could record every moment, every day somewhere. If not all, atleast those moments that have made a difference. The thing is, there are so many of them, but not quite enuf. Somehow, just not quite enough.

We're such sad species. We want company when we don't want it. And when we have the company we yearned for just a day ago, which seemed like months ago, we can't wait to get away from it. And still we claim to be the most evolved species. Somehow, that never made sense some time ago. May be it does. No, it just doesn't. Sure it does!

How often we outgrow r'ships. How we look for ways to escape what we wanted just last night, a lifetime ago. How we look for people, ways and things to change our perception of tomorrow, and still, when the change is round the bend, are too scared to grab it. How we make excuses for people who let us down. How we pretend we don't need anyone and yet, somewhere in our minds, if not in our hearts, that maybe we really don't. Nothing changes, just nothing at all, yet people do. How can that be possible, I wonder. I keep on wondering, never quite finding an answer, but hoping that someday , somehow I will.

How we lean on pillars and yet pretend that our spine will do quite well, thank you. And how we ignore the same pillars once we've left them behind. How we try to bribe those we love with thoughtless gestures, only because we are too guilty of betraying them, but not wanting to own up. How we are susceptible to human frailties like everyone else.

How we always say that no one has all the answers in a way that suggests that "I KNOW MORE THAN YOU DO AT THIS PRECISE MOMENT". How we look for validation from those who have hurt us as well as our own, all because we didn't think it's enough that we love and are loved. How we want our yesterdays so desperately, because it completely takes away out thoughts of tomorrow from focus. Time is damn never on our side, and when we do realize it , if we ever do, it's always, all the freaking-time too late.

There is still so much to say to you today, and all of a sudden, I don't even know what to say to you anymore. Even after saying so much!

Rain Drops.

It rained again today. I love rain. The aromatic breath that escapes the dry lips of a sun scorched earth as the raindrops fall and scatter. The feeling of rain drops falling on my face as I close my eyes, turn my face up, letting them caress my face, is blissful. I love sitting by the window with a cup of coffee (or hot chocolate) and watch raindrops weave intricate and sublime patterns on the window pane, as if writing poetry in their own language.



Rain drops make for a wonderful time pass when they drip slowly off the leaves. Each pearl drop of sadness or of joy intermingled with each other. Like moments of life..they fall and fall....not waiting for anyone..in a gentle rush to break into so many of the same and then reunite to become one.

The last of the drops are hanging off the leaves. they let go of each other to land on the puddle with a final plop. I stretch my neck out for one last time to urge a drop to fall on my nose tip..but it falls on to my eyes where dream starts, where reality ends a million images flash by. Pure unadulterated joy all over my face...so many yesterdays..... and the passing today.... I can see my own life passing by.....I want to ask it to stop but it is unreachable and untouchable. I stand helpless and the last of the drops fall from the eaves...... plop.

Spending time alone.

As strange as this sounds, I DO sometimes enjoy spending time alone. I enjoy my own solitude to unwind and decompress.


Solitude, I say, doesn't necessarily mean lonliness.

There are times when I sit by myself, look out with unobservant eyes to the distance before me or just sit still..for that brief moment the world seems more clearer and easier to perceive. Life becomes more defined. In the silence of my own pace and time, I take the opportunity to study on those big questions and issues without any interruptions. Nor do I need to take into consideration other people's opinons and perceptions which anyway don't comply with my own. So in my tiny 'world' where I am free to be me, free to pose many more questions, pursue new ones, free to poke at the wrong things happening, turn them around, test them, rethink and rewrite them. That's all upto me! :-). It's in my hands to throw up all the meories without having to listen to someone else's arguments or influence on the choices I make. So I need my solitude. I need to sweep away all those cobwebs in my mind and refresh myself. Away from the maddening crowd - in a place of peace and calm. I need my inner space to allow my ideas to germinate and to harness my fond dreams to take shape. I need time to connect with my soul.

With dozens of chores to run, I would often wail there's not enough hours in a day for everything. So that 'special' day I figured 'alone time'. I became so attached to it. Yes - it's my oasis, my blanket, my secured shell - all rolled up into one. It feels like 'heaven' when I'm there.

Honestly, people ..'Alone time' has never as fun as this for me.