Putative Thoughts

A Happy Valentine's Day To Everyone.

2008-02-13T22:21:00.000-08:00

Here's a warm wish for a HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY to everyone. Enjoy it with your family and friends. People don't lose the magic -- believe in LOVE. No matter how many try to explain it, it still is a lovely gift from God. And don't wait till tomorrow to say it, say it now to your parents, children, family, relatives, friends or everybody who matter and mean so much to you.

Tell them NOW - TODAY!

Happy New Year 2008 - Everyone.

2007-12-31T12:57:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!

MAY YOU REAP TRUE BLESSINGS THIS YEAR 2008 FOR YOURSELF, YOUR FAMILY, AND YOUR HOME.

MAY YOU BE HAPPY AND CONTENT WITH WHO AND WHAT YOU ARE IN THE ORDER OF THINGS IN LIFE.

MAY YOU BASK IN THE JOYS OF ACHIEVEMENT AND SUCCESS -- APPRECIATE ITS TRUE WORTH AND BLESSING.

Merry Christmas to you, my friends.

2007-12-21T17:47:00.000-08:00

To you, my dear friends, I wish you the best of the Holiday season.

May the love and blessings of God pour down upon you and your families, respectively, not only this Christmas but all through your life.

Merry Christmas

The year that was.....

2007-12-13T22:02:00.000-08:00

During our first talking sessions, Anish and I knew what kind of relationship we desired, but it has taken us more than vision to bring it to realization. We were up against conditioned patterns and lifelong habits. Neutralizing them would take practice, devotion, and time. Determined that we could do it, WE held fast to our vision and commitment.

Many factors contributed to the difficulties we experienced, particularly during the early months of our marriage. And then there were all the vast differences between us. In most personality traits, we represent opposite ends of the spectrum : I am detailed-oriented, Anish is a generalist; I favor strict parenting, he doesn't; I go to bed early, he stays up late; I'm a talker, he's a thinker; I manage money, he spends it. The list goes on, but you get the idea.

In the early months of our marriage, because neither of us knew how to deal with our differences, we frequently found ourselves in conflict. It wasn't the differences themselves that kept getting us in trouble, but our reactions to them. Like many couples, we attempted to do away with our differences by trying to change each other or ourselves. Homogenizing our personalities, and thus eliminating the sources of conflict, seemed at the time to be a good idea.

This strategy, we were to eventually discover, doesn't work. Instead, it produced further conflict, both within ourselves and between us.

Even the strongest bonds, however, are not immune to the toll that ongoing struggles can impose on the relationship. We knew there had to be another way, and that helped us make the leap from tolerating our differences to appreciating them. We knew, at least intellectually, that it was these differences that had drawn us and made us attractive to each other. Thus we discovered that what drove us crazy about each other and what we were crazy about in each other were one and the same thing. The challenge was neither to try to change the other nor be willing to change for them, but rather to honor our own uniqueness. The experiences that brought us to our knees made us the people we are, and the learning and recovery that went along with each one have shaped our relationship into the treasure it is now. Through the many unskillful ways we treated each other, we learned the meaning of true respect. More than any other relationship, marriage has the potential to awaken our deepest longings and needs, as well as our deepest pains and fears

Today we completed ONE YEAR of Marriage. Of togetherness, of fighting, of loving, of smiles and of compromises.

To you, with all my love:

Thank you for all the love that has sustained us through the ordeals, the power struggle and the disappointments. We shared experiences as a couple and as a family that were joyous beyond measure.

Happy Anniversary!

Happy Diwali and a prosperous New Year.

2007-11-07T21:28:00.000-08:00

Here comes Diwali with all its auspicious grandeur.

May this festival of light and sound fill your life with joy, prosperity and success.

Weighty issues.

2007-09-24T10:09:00.000-07:00

Me: How do I put on some weight, Anish? What do I do?’

Anish (My husband): ‘For starters try not throwing your weight around at home.’

Me :-(

I have so much to say...

2007-06-25T22:00:00.000-07:00

There's so much to say, I don't know even know where to begin. I can't believe it's June, it was just January yesterday. And December the day before that. Where are all the days going? How I wish there was some way I could record every moment, every day somewhere. If not all, atleast those moments that have made a difference. The thing is, there are so many of them, but not quite enuf. Somehow, just not quite enough.

We're such sad species. We want company when we don't want it. And when we have the company we yearned for just a day ago, which seemed like months ago, we can't wait to get away from it. And still we claim to be the most evolved species. Somehow, that never made sense some time ago. May be it does. No, it just doesn't. Sure it does!

How often we outgrow r'ships. How we look for ways to escape what we wanted just last night, a lifetime ago. How we look for people, ways and things to change our perception of tomorrow, and still, when the change is round the bend, are too scared to grab it. How we make excuses for people who let us down. How we pretend we don't need anyone and yet, somewhere in our minds, if not in our hearts, that maybe we really don't. Nothing changes, just nothing at all, yet people do. How can that be possible, I wonder. I keep on wondering, never quite finding an answer, but hoping that someday , somehow I will.

How we lean on pillars and yet pretend that our spine will do quite well, thank you. And how we ignore the same pillars once we've left them behind. How we try to bribe those we love with thoughtless gestures, only because we are too guilty of betraying them, but not wanting to own up. How we are susceptible to human frailties like everyone else.

How we always say that no one has all the answers in a way that suggests that "I KNOW MORE THAN YOU DO AT THIS PRECISE MOMENT". How we look for validation from those who have hurt us as well as our own, all because we didn't think it's enough that we love and are loved. How we want our yesterdays so desperately, because it completely takes away out thoughts of tomorrow from focus. Time is damn never on our side, and when we do realize it , if we ever do, it's always, all the freaking-time too late.

There is still so much to say to you today, and all of a sudden, I don't even know what to say to you anymore. Even after saying so much!

Rain Drops.

2007-05-02T10:54:00.000-07:00

It rained again today. I love rain. The aromatic breath that escapes the dry lips of a sun scorched earth as the raindrops fall and scatter. The feeling of rain drops falling on my face as I close my eyes, turn my face up, letting them caress my face, is blissful. I love sitting by the window with a cup of coffee (or hot chocolate) and watch raindrops weave intricate and sublime patterns on the window pane, as if writing poetry in their own language.

Rain drops make for a wonderful time pass when they drip slowly off the leaves. Each pearl drop of sadness or of joy intermingled with each other. Like moments of life..they fall and fall....not waiting for anyone..in a gentle rush to break into so many of the same and then reunite to become one.

The last of the drops are hanging off the leaves. they let go of each other to land on the puddle with a final plop. I stretch my neck out for one last time to urge a drop to fall on my nose tip..but it falls on to my eyes where dream starts, where reality ends a million images flash by. Pure unadulterated joy all over my face...so many yesterdays..... and the passing today.... I can see my own life passing by.....I want to ask it to stop but it is unreachable and untouchable. I stand helpless and the last of the drops fall from the eaves...... plop.

Spending time alone.

2007-05-01T10:36:00.000-07:00

As strange as this sounds, I DO sometimes enjoy spending time alone. I enjoy my own solitude to unwind and decompress.

Solitude, I say, doesn't necessarily mean lonliness.

There are times when I sit by myself, look out with unobservant eyes to the distance before me or just sit still..for that brief moment the world seems more clearer and easier to perceive. Life becomes more defined. In the silence of my own pace and time, I take the opportunity to study on those big questions and issues without any interruptions. Nor do I need to take into consideration other people's opinons and perceptions which anyway don't comply with my own. So in my tiny 'world' where I am free to be me, free to pose many more questions, pursue new ones, free to poke at the wrong things happening, turn them around, test them, rethink and rewrite them. That's all upto me! :-). It's in my hands to throw up all the meories without having to listen to someone else's arguments or influence on the choices I make. So I need my solitude. I need to sweep away all those cobwebs in my mind and refresh myself. Away from the maddening crowd - in a place of peace and calm. I need my inner space to allow my ideas to germinate and to harness my fond dreams to take shape. I need time to connect with my soul.

With dozens of chores to run, I would often wail there's not enough hours in a day for everything. So that 'special' day I figured 'alone time'. I became so attached to it. Yes - it's my oasis, my blanket, my secured shell - all rolled up into one. It feels like 'heaven' when I'm there.

Honestly, people ..'Alone time' has never as fun as this for me.

Whatever you are, be a good one.

2007-03-06T11:08:00.000-08:00

"Whatever you are, be a good one", quotes Abraham Lincoln.

A friend emailed raving about how things aren't working at all or the way she had envisioned. She feels that she's come up to this huge blank wall - facing problems about jobs, relationships and all other odd things life throws our each day. She thinks the magic word is somewhere out there and yet so well hidden - and if she finds it everything will be alright. But will it? If it were to be that way then I, my parents and other generations before them would have surely found that 'magic' and enjoyed utopia in their lives, then and even now.

No, it's not out there. We are such shortsighted people with minds 'out there'. It's always that the grass is on the other side of the fence, the big break, chance, opportunity is 'out there' with some other guy. It works that way for some. They go 'out there' to achieve their goals and come home with the prize. But to many it doesn't happen that way and hence the self-bashing because they don't get whatever-it-is.

We often undervalue what we have - what we are - who we are. Why? Why is it so hard to appreciate ourselves? Why do we think so low of ourselves and highly of others whose talents are similar with ours (or better)? Do the talents we have look better wearing their face than ours?

Say do you really know yourself? Do you know your strengths and your weaknesses? How do you perform under stress or in failures? Do you push yourself under the fire when there is no one pushing you? How do you work on your skills to grab that big fat break you're hoping for and which will surely come one day?

You answers to the above will show what you truly are. Whatever you are - a student working towards better grades, a clerk working on piles of paper work, a sweeper or other things you find yourself doing - BE GOOD IN IT. Always be good in what you are doing, at the top rank or at the bottom. Be the best of what you are and what you can be.

It's simple. A good attitude or character will always open up new opportunities and doors - the same that would be closed for people with small minds and twisted character. It's always the good job done by a good person that leaves an impression and finishes the race and wins the prize. So be that good guy, whoever you are and whatever you are. The good always wins where it matters most, always. So open your eyes to all the good people around you and see what works for them.

The magic is not 'out there' - It's in YOU. Believe in yourself and in your potentials. They are God-gifted and for a definite purpose. Just harness it. And you'll surely get there, one day!

Happy Holi.

2007-03-02T12:38:00.000-08:00

Wishing all of you a very Happy Holi.

Not bidding Good-Bye!

2007-02-21T19:09:00.000-08:00

I received a comment on my last post from someone asking me whether I have quit blogging.
No, I am not bidding good-bye to anyone from the blogger world. This has been a lovely journey and I thank each one for the wonderful messages you wrote on my blog and the warmth of your friendship.

I am currently travelling and hence have not updated this space. I will be back but at some time I don't know yet. This blog will surely remain open for as long as it may. This is your space too, afterall :-)

Love always,
Nikita.

How do you measure?

2007-01-29T19:10:00.000-08:00

There's so much that goes in our lives that we often get lost in it. But no matter what there is a certain point where we come to a stop, and see how far we have come, what have we done, and where are we heading to. People say, "what matters is today" and one should not bother to look back. But, I think that's a lie. I know that in the dead of the night when we are all alone and things don't work the way we want them to, we think about it, we ponder, we do ask questions. We DO look back and we also DO think about tomorrow. As we stand in the present we wonder how do we measure the years that have passed.

How is it measured??

Tears
Joys
Laughs
Sadness
Bills
Report Cards
Sunsets
Daylights
Midnights
Cups of coffee
The life with friends
Truth that we learned
Bridges we burnt
Forgivness
Smiles
Everytime we said 'Thank You' or 'Sorry'
Or how we love?

Yes, It is measured in love. In how we love others unselfishly, in how we love ourselves and sometimes not, and in how we receive love or foolishly won't. Love is the measure of how we live our lives, no matter what.

How do you measure?

2007-01-26T16:13:00.000-08:00

It rained here today.

On a day like this you don't want anything else

But to be held close and warm

Nothing said

Just lie peaceful in your arms.

2007-01-11T16:44:00.000-08:00

Wishing all of you a very Happy New Year.

Mrs.Nikita
Feels good
It's so damn cold here. It is 7 degrees.
Here I mean USA
It can also be called deep-freezer.

It's not so cold in Mumbai. It is a blessed 21 degrees there.

16th December 2006
I got married

27th December 2006
Technically, I left my city behind.

...came across strangers who speak familiar words.

Thus it goes on..
New country
New people
AND the goddamn cold.

Me and my thougts in a different bowl.

Folks..its curtains for me! - For the time being.

2006-12-09T07:07:00.000-08:00

packed suitcases
Emptied cupboards
Teasing sentences
Invites waiting to be posted
Calls to be made
Accessories in order
Relatives here
Relatives there
Choked back a tear

Shucks people… last few days of being a free bird…

Minds in a churn
Flowing with the tide
Time passes by
No ideas, No thoughts
Not a clue anymore
Just a handful of dreams
And a prayer or two

I am getting married on 16th December. I am going for a brief honeymoon. He is awesome, I truly feel blessed to have him in my life. My family is in love with him, he is very dutiful towards them. He is a harmonius blend of duty and emotions, me - I get carried away on either side!...he's reality, I'm fiction. I believe we have lots of scope for leading a life that truly enriches us and makes us happy and which would make us proud one day.

I used to ask myself, "What exactly is love between two people"? Does "I love you" signfy more the truth that I love you for loving me or that I love you just like that?. It's not like I don't believe in love anymore, it's just that I feel people misplace it for a lot of other things in their lives.

I don't feel burdened by anything anymore. I am at ease, feeling free and it's the best I have felt probably all my life.

And I wish people would stop worrying about how I am going to manage in a new city, new country, with new people, adhering to a different set of rules, making a new life.

2006-11-29T05:26:00.000-08:00

“The cultured give happiness wherever they go. The uncultured whenever they go!”- Swami Chinmayananda

As much as I would want people to like me, appreciate me and say nice things about me, I kind of envy people who are so casual about things and hardly care about what people think or say about them.

Often we do things to impress others or because we feel that we deserve credit or recognition. And there are times we worry that our actions might invite disappointment(s) or wud be disapproved and which might create a bad name or opinion(s) about us. I mebbe generalizing here, but I am sure there may have been numerous occassions in each one's life when we thought (subconsciously!) that we are the centre of the universe and behaved as if the entire world depends on us, and what we are doing at that moment, and everyone is interested and keen in how we fare.

But I have come to realize that this world is too huge and complex and everyone is so engrossed in his/her life that whatever we do is of hardly any importance to the next being. Whatever we do at any time does not affect anyone but us. It's made me believe that we are a tiny dot in this huge cosmos. Life is an eternal battle; each one of us fighting and wanting to triumph. No one has the time and patience to look into another. I feel being aware of this truth is important in leading a meaningful life.

Each one requires recognition and success. But most of us live in anonymity and there are more failuers than success. Where does that leave me? Should I just care abt my own life and make it a success? But that's when I get casual and not care about others? Is this the meaning of our existence?

2006-11-24T10:33:00.000-08:00

After relationships, love and romance...the Gujjus are my fav. topic to discuss/speak and..blog about.

They are strange.
They are passionate.
They are so goddamned crazy that I can never love them for their idiosyncrasies.

Lets take an example of their ability to name their children. What I mean is that with the mind-boggling ability with which they crack problems...you sure wud xpect them to have some creativity with names right? Nopes. You are wrong.

In a cross section of 100 Gujjus, you will roughly find:

20 Jignesh(s)
10 Kaushal(s)
20 Apurva(s)
20 Mehul(s)
10 Piyush(s)
20 Sheetal(s)
10 Amishi(s)
05 Nehal(s)

The (un) fortunate ones are blessed with names that twist the tongue as well as the mind. It is a latent talent which has been practiced and perfected through the generations. But now that is a story of another day.

There has been changes...Now you would find Sania, Soham, Arjun, Ansh, Aashil in almost as much as abundance as say a Jignesh or a Mehul. For all you know in the next 10 years we may have a brand new list. Very meticulous people, the Gujjus.

And I will have a brand new reason to have a confused look.

Company of yourself.

2006-11-15T05:29:00.000-08:00

"Niks, are u busy? If not, can you please talk to me for a while?".

She longed to talk. She desired to be ONLY heard. I heared her. I heard her compilation of thoughts and impressions of experiences that contibuted its aura in her storybook of life. Life isn't easy. Never has been for anyone.

We all go through it. It's funny that with so many people packed-in tight in this big city - you can never find one soul who is there for you when you need him or her. All busy-bee's! Sometimes not even your family is there for you. But anyone who has been through the 'phase' of searching would second that it creates such a deep impression on our sentiments, emotions, energies and resources. It weakens you - practically taking the life out of you. There are times when you are on your knees - lost, battered, defeated, alone - that you long for someone or something to pull you through this maze, lift you up and get you back on track again. The dreams of a saviour, a rescuer disintergrate rignt before your eyes.

What do you do then? We learn to live with ourselves - like ourselves - love ourselves. You must make sure that 'me' is worth loving, to be happy with that idea.

Friend,

I have learnt this and I want you to know it, too ---We are far more stronger than what we think we are. That's the only reason why we are constantly working and stubbornly persevering our dreams - because something special inside makes us. Look inward, within you. Embark yourself on a program called 'self development'. The prime objective being to bring out your latent talents and abilities. Develop yourself to be a people's people - not good to be sulking alone...so be socially active. I am sure that this way you'd have lots to talk about that people would enjoy conversing with you, and also enjoy your company. Please don't fret over not having anyone to talk to when you need someone to be there. Learn to like the company of yourself. All of us have seperate lives to live..and more ofthen than not it takes all our attention. And it doesn't provide spare room for other things. The bottom line is - you the person - and learn to live with that, with yourself. In life, you can take as many chances as you want. Give yourself the chance you truly deserve. Don't get bogged down by limitations - your's or someone else's. To have a chance, take one - or create one. There must be no stopping.

I cud feel her tears falling buckets. I was relieved as the flood gates of her emotional dam busrt open releasing all that she had kept inside her for so long.

2006-11-07T09:36:00.000-08:00

There is something called as 'bursting the bubble' and here is me basking merrily, at all times examining each moment with the pessimistic attitude that I have developed over the years. Gazing out into the world, having attained everything and stll feeling indifferent. There are times when we convince ourselves about certain things that would never be a part our world. And, so we build ourselves a fence that protects us from all possible consequences. Even then we are constantly finding faults in the way things have shaped out.

Here she is; I watch her from across the table, wondering to myself...how cud someone be so untouched, smile so much, and not pretend even once. How can I really make somone so happy? Do I really deserve the regard? It's making peace with all her faults, strange behaviourial patterns and abilities, hoping that I never toss a priceless friendship, or simply praying that I'd never have to let go of it.

She's always trying to teach me the 'Art of Smiling'. Smile. Gurl. Smile. She steals a quick glance through my falling hair to check if there's a tear I am hiding. O! God! I pray to you..help that my cynical self stays away and doesn't let me ever hurt him. I can't just convince myself that these are my last few days to spend with you. I'd be gone. I am feeling so messed up. She's been making frail attempts to wrestle me out from beneath this avalanche of memories of her...

Good Luck mate.

2006-11-03T10:27:00.000-08:00

"Niks, I'll miss you", he said with tears in his eyes.

"I'll miss you, too"

O! dear friend, if I had to sit and count the times you lightened up my life, I wudn't have enuf moments in a day to hold it. There wudn't be enuf songs to sing, for all those times when you understood me more than I cud. All will soon be gone by the waves of change and time - leaving nuthing but empty shores behind.

I clutch the thoughts of you close to my heart - I do not want it to depart. Yet I sense it slipping away...But like it or not, I am walking away and wud be gone!

A friend of mine once told me that no one throws precious things, friendships and memories away just for no reason. Because when you throw it away, you simply throw a part of you, too. Friendships don't die - they just retreat far back and sometimes also forgotten with the passing of time. But some day it will come back - when the time and the reason is right.

Each friendship has its own significance. There mebbe short-lived and passing friendships but somehow it still manages to leave footprints in ur heart. Because friendships are borne out of people and its the people who make our lives what it is - happy, sad, joyous, memorable and even miserable. Yes, we do come across some jerks at some points in life. But it all adds up to the bag of goodies called LIFE.

I am happy with the bag that is alloted to me. It may not be perfect - but it's made of many precious things - wonderful friendships; amiable people; some odds of bad relationships; the joys of pleasant experiences; some warts of bad and testing times; some hurt, pain and agony; and much more. All of these have contributed to shape who I am. All of it is a gift from God - all the good was for my happiness and all the bad was for my learning and growth. It indeed is a beautiful life. And, I feel it even more with all the wonderful friendships around me.

You've always walked besides me, shared my agony and exhilaration. You'll always be my best buddy no matter how far I am from you. I'll always pray - wherever you are, I hope that you are at peace with yourself and happy at your heart.

Love, if defined, is confined. It dies.

2006-10-24T23:15:00.000-07:00

When two people are in love, usually one always loves the other person a little more, one always waits a little more, one is attached a little more and tends to feel the joy of bondage and the pains of sorrow a little more. I still try to interpret love, try to understand what it means, as a layman in its truest most purest form. Love can take so many forms, viz, love, affection, concern, fondness, attachement, worship, devotion are just few of the ways of defining love. t's not necessary to have all or a few of the above to be interpreted as love. Love is capable of taking new forms, as it ften does.

My limited exposure suggests that no philosopher, poet or author has ever defined any guidelines or a timeline for love. 'S' says that she feels strange when I talk about love that has been tested over time. "What on earth has time got to do with any set of emotions"?, she'll ask. "You can easily get attached to a person for a brief period and stay that way (for however long) and still call it love", she always argues.

I know people to whom love has happened more than once. Each time it happened to them, it has scaled to new heights of delight, expectations and fantasies. Love does keep you going, it does not come with a guarantee tag and neither does it deny you the joys of falling in love again. Love is a teacher..it helps us do better the next time.

Love is never all sorrows and not all joys, it is a lively mixture of the two as long as the people involved can afford. The capability lies in us whether to savor it or devour it. Love has always taught me to live my today and looking forward with enthusiasm for the coming tommorrow. Love has always made be do things that I thought were always beyond me.

You will never be able to understand or capture the moment love strikes you. It generally happens silently and unconsciously. Love has a way of sneaking into ur brain, identifying the hidden desires, wants, expectations and fantasies. As we meet people, interact with them over a period of time, the vibes enter our brain. Most of these vibes fickle away after a momentary lapse of time, there are a few that stay on and we call it love. It is very hard to sustain or keep any emotion captive if it is not willing to settle down naturally.

There is no science for love, no methods defined to make it happen. There are no ways to make love last forever. There is no way you could be sure that the person you love, loves you just as much, or even a little more. *Sigh*

2006-10-21T23:41:00.000-07:00

The conversation never took shape, I lapsed into an unxpected silence, yet again. I knew for sure what she wud ask me, "Tell me, what you're thinking"? I wish I had an answer to that, how I wish I cud tell her the thoughts that occupy my mind. I do try; to reflect back, a deeper silence follows the one before, and blends in to the vaccum, the amorphous form of random thoughts.

Why can I not tell her what I think? I have really nuthing to hide, nuthing to escape from, does my silence mean anything, or does it not? I cannot capture the thoughts that surround my mind; I cannot decorate them up. Just like the morning sun, I cannot hold my thoughts in my fist and neither can I define them. I must say something that might help us answer the questions that are now beginning to bother her.

"Can you understand silence"? I asked.

"Silence according to me is space to reflect and think" she said.

There are simple things in life that make so much sense when you hear them from someone else. I have always had the urge to run back into my shell because of loss of words. There is a sudden longing to start conversing with myself, in the middle of a conversation, when I am at a loss of words. How do I tell you what I have just said to myself. Most of my journeys into the inside me have begun and ended with self-conversations. There is a hidden voice that guides me.

Silence is space, I agree. It's also a pause, a momentary check on feelings and emotions.

"Can you hear it" I asked.

"I can understand your silence and I can hear it, too" she said.

"My silence is so hidden from the world and yet you say you can hear it"

"Your silence is just a reflection of your own self, niks"

This is beginning to look comfortable and more easy. If it really is so beautiful, then why can the world not see it, why is that I get hurt when the words d'nt come. Living my life is like flipping thru the pages of a book, pausing at the end of each page, the noise of the ruffled papers breaking my isloation before I go back into my comforting shell again.

"Thank you 'S', for holding my hand and making me walk through life."

Home is where the heart is.

2006-10-20T23:42:00.000-07:00

Whatever the occassion, whatever is the reason, no matter who you are with, whatever the time and place - eventually you wud hear someone, or even say yourself, "I am going home". There is something comforting and reassuring in those words that bring out loads of kindness, affection, warmth, love and closeness that can mean different things to different people.

For a child who is tired after an exhausting day at school, coming home would mean shelter under the soft covers of his/her bed, for a battle-weary soldier, it would mean the loving arms of his parents, wife and children and the aroma of home cooked food, for a profuse son or daughter, it would mean parent's forgiveness and a new life and for a person who has stayed/worked abroad for several years, it wud mean an end of several years of sacrifice for family and income. Home is the only place on earth where you know you would be loved unconditionally and accepted wholeheartedly. One also finds life withing running the major and minor crises - the ups and downs of health, success and failure in career, marriage, seperation, divorce, et al. A home is tied to people, events and histories - which make up the package called 'memories'; that is where we go back to when we say home.

Home is where we learn to put up with rules and regulations, learn the importance of discipline, learn to submit our wishes. Where we told to clean up our rooms, do our homework; where we were allowed to make honest mistakes and were given enuf freedom and room for self-expression. Home is the place where we got acquainted with traditions. I learnt well that with freedom comes a sense of responsibility and that faith makes a true prayer.

Truly, home is where my heart belongs. Sometimes tempers do flare, feelings are hurt, things are lost, money runs short, and sometimes something unxpected happens that succeeds to upset the day. I have dealt with upset situations, dissapointments, failed xpectations, and a few sleepless nights that were spent crying. But even then we find ourselves comforting, supporting and consoling each other. This is the place where every success, tear and struggle is rejoiced, shared and comforted; where every member - old or young matters. This is my imperfect world - but home to me because home is where my heart is. I am going to miss home and wud hear myself saying some years down the line, "I am going home".

Happy Diwali

2006-10-20T10:20:00.000-07:00

This Diwali here's wishing you
All shades of happiness,
And all rays of hope
For you and your family.

It's between "Me" and "I".

2006-10-13T23:38:00.000-07:00

When Love is right, you see it in each other's eyes,
When Love is right, you hold onto it all thru the years,
With all your heart and soul,
And nuthing could feel, more right,
Than the love you share.

When you look at me
I touch the skies
I know that I am alive.

...Have u ever outlined someone's forehead.. eyes... cheeks... nose... lips and the tip of ones chin with your fingertips; gently..electrifying ur senses...barely touching the skin...feeling the space between your fingers and his skin get electrified..

It feels like as if there is no end to the fondness you feel under your fingertips...his unshaved chin, his eyebrows...long lashes. You loose urself into this blissful moment of silent closeness, the kind of chemistry and as you memorize "HIM", you realise he is so vulnerable, not able to xpress his feelings the way he wants to and that makes you love him even more, as you're there to protect him - *sigh* if he'd only know.

"He's so special" is what you think, and tht's the most precious gift you take home with you - but he never must know abt it..'cause it's between "I and Me".

Men and Wimmen : that's what matters.

2006-10-08T22:24:00.000-07:00

She : "Men just don't understand us".

He : "That's just not true".

She: "Wish I cud make all the men disappear from this planet"

We'll never get anything settled with that. Gosh! Why don't we endeavor to understand than to be understood? After all we've been taught to be a person for others and least for ourselves. I look at things this way - if men (or women) weren't the unusual characters that we think they are - how wud the fun and excitement of these "odd differences" be created in our lives? There wud never be the 'revelation', 'chase', 'discovery' or a 'surprise'.

If men and wimmen were created 'predictable and alike', then there wud be the need of only one gender. Then we wudn't have to worry abt wracking our brains trying to figure out what makes him or her behave the way they do or what makes them tick. Can you imagine a world where each one is same and alike? Where everyone is like the other? No creature called 'man' and none called 'woman'. Just beings who think alike, talk and behave the same. So boring! They wud just be clones - each mirroring the other - the good and the bad of its character.

There are certain bits of me that I'd rather live without. Now if I cud see it mirrored back into my partner, how on earth wud there be any chance of improvement or any hope to change? I wud want to meet someone who is positive to my negative traits and I xpect that to work vice-versa. I wud want to shake off things that don't contribute to my growth and be guided by his positive traits which cud help me grow to my fullest potential as a person.

Men and wimmen wud never run out of things to say to each other. And no matter how hard we try we will still find it all insufficient and end up being all puzzled as ever. Yet as life keeps playing its funny tricks on us we do get to meet the wrong ones. Well, I believe there must be a reason for that. Nuthing in our life happens by accident - there is a larger and an inexplicable 'design' why things happen the way they do. Honestly, I am still trying to figure that out myself. But the 'revelation' comes only at an auspicious time - when we are prepared or when we have learnt the lesson it wanted us to learn..that's when we understand the truth. I have learnt - Life is all about growth and we have been sent the 'tools' for growing. You never know, it may have been a good thing for us, to experience a mis-match. And this growth comes with a price. We pay the price of shattered feelings, failed dreams and broken expectations.

Please don't go wishing for anyone disappearing from this planet - it's half a planet without the other. That's what I wanted to say - Men and wimmen complete each other. One isn't whole without the other. It's really not important as to who is better or best, who is strane and crazy, a puzzle or a mystery - it’s all designed to make this fantastic package called a human being to make your life complete. A small 'thank you' to HIM up there - it sure is a nice plan.

Realized today....

2006-09-28T10:44:00.000-07:00

.....a house, alone, can never ever make a home!"

.....and that your lover is not the one who would come in shining armour and sweep you off the floor but the one who would help you sweep the floor, once in a while.

Another year.....

2006-09-20T21:57:00.000-07:00

.....of life is passing by. For good.

Life is full of lessons. So many of them. Each one of us learns only after the game is over. I am scared of lessons, as much as I did when in school. My parents kept telling me, "If you learn now, you will benefit later". I take on the role of a parent and offer the same advice to myself each time. The child in me will never head and all I have to do is plead.

There are certain lessons that are so hard, the only way to remember them is to memorize them. I try and look for some reasoning, some logical pattern, but I am not good at these subjects. One ha to pay penalities for growing older. I do everything that's possible to get rid of the problem. Only to be arrived at a satisfactory xplanation. Only to sheild myself incase a similar problem presents itself in the future. Only to make the burden of the lesson a little easier to bear.

But, no such luck. I feel I am not acquainted with the mental tools to deal with it or the problem itself defies existing laws.

There were other lessons; particularly enlightening ones. Now I see all those paths that were not in view earlier, where I thought there were none.

All in all, in these few months I have grown wiser and not just older. I can now understand when the great man said, “the tree of knowledge is not the tree of life”.

Love Marriages vs. Arranged Marriages.

2006-09-12T05:39:00.000-07:00

This was one of the topics that was on my mind since a long time, but I never ended up discussing it here.

It's really funny the way our opinions keep changing. Being an absoulutely conventional-minded person right from my cradle, I always was in favour of arranged marriages. I don't recall what exactly my arguments were in favour of them, but the fact that my parents had an arranged marriage (father-like-son syndrome) may have everything to do with it. However, my opinions changed some years ago.

Coming to the present, I would not vote for any. I fail to understand how a 'type' of marriage can guarantee success or failure of it.

I know of people who give examples of certain successful marriages, and some who give examples of love relationships that turned into matrimony. There are many examples to the opposite effect too in both cases, but these they would claim as exceptions, depending upon the side they are favouring.

I have come to believe that be it a love marriage or an arranged one, both hold equal changes, as long as certain ingredients are present and maintained.

If two people in a r'ship confess themselves in love with each other, I would have wondered on the reasons why a marriage between these two people was successful. It cud have been just pure luck. They may continue to be in love with each other for however long, but don't they also say, "Love is blind"?. In this blind state the couple would carry on accepting and madnifying each other's perfections and ignoring the not-so-desirable traits, and then one day reality, or rather, marriage, sets in. They would ponder on why they ever saw each other in the first place, but the answers are more than obvious.

On the arranged marriage front, two people meet each other, are more or less satisfied with each other's physical attributes, speak a few words, and confess being pleased. The rest is taken care of by the parents and the d-day is done with.

The couple slowly and steadily realize the incompatibility between them and that there is no common ground where they can meet. No wonder they never met before.

I feel that whether it's a 'love' or an 'arranged' marriage, as long as there is trust, mutual acceptance, understanding, a practical approach to assess each other's compatibilities and a conscious effort, to make the r'ship work, no matter how hard the effort...not only for now...but forever...there stands every chance that it will succeed.

I have always believed in emotions tested by time....not the momentary flames that ignite, burn and flicker away...but calm, composed, constant and always present.

In Rememberance

2006-09-10T22:17:00.000-07:00

I offer a prayer for the dead - for all the grieving families left behind - for the people who lent their hearts and helping hands in times of great disaster and need such as this.

May God pour down his magnificent love on everyone--to ease the pain, comfort the sorrowing, and bless the kindhearted.

The road of life....

2006-09-06T00:32:00.000-07:00

.... is never easy. It's filled with a lot of adventure.
Each of us have gone through odd and difficult times in our separate lives.
Each one of us is given a choice of various roads on our way - each unique and equally adventurous.
Choices may vary, but the destinantion is always the same.
You can decide on smaller destinations but the final destination is known to none and is always a mystery.
A road that looks beautiful in the beginning may end up being a dreadful forest.
A road that looks horrifying and is less travelled may actually lead to a lovely palace.
This kind of adventurous roads are what makes life excting and worth living.

Hope - it stands as a tiny ember but then its fire constantly burning – for you. Believe that in everyone this ‘hope’ burns steadily, albeit stubbornly. Hope wants you to believe that there is something greater than us, something to look forward to --- bigger than our small lives. Better and good.

True, one day all the odd and fractured pieces of our lives will all fall into place. Then we will begin to see that all was for naught but meant to complete the bigger scheme of things.

Holy Sins.

2006-09-01T04:40:00.000-07:00

Have you ever realized that living through new shades and seasons of life, you somewhere along the path part away with something that can never be re-gained..your INNOCENCE. Isn't it strange that while running the rat race, we never pause to think of what we are leaving behind forever.

My values have changed, I've instilled arrogance, even a tinge of manipulation and diplomacy. But I yearn to go back to my roots. I want to go back to being a simple vulnerable girl who was capable of crying oceans when hurt. A woman who looked at the world in shades of black or white, right or wrong, moral and immoral. I learnt the line between the blurs as I grew up facing the realities of everyday life. Like each one, I never wanted to go through the transient phase of dilemma...the transition just happened. I learnt the rules of survival quite quickly.

Look around and you will find everything's available for 'exchange'. You can trade for everything. Everything is quantifiable, there's a cost benefit analysis that preceds every decision. I have started to think solely in terms of my gain and my pleasure. Emotionality has been superceded by Rationality. To the extent that I have put a price tag on my body and soul while chasing materialism shamelessly, and you know what...there is no sense of guilt. I keep in touch with a friend only if he/she does, otherwise I leave no stone unturned to tell them that I am as busy as they are. And yet, I don't miss friendships. I miss love. Despite my faith being dwindled, and haven witnessed enuf infidelity, there's somethng that makes me want to believe in fairy tales and happy ever after's. I wanna believe in the virtues of trust, committment, and companionship. The kind of romance my grandparents shared, one that survived pangs of seperation and distance, and was flaming.

I want to wipe away those blemishes, undo all that hurt and re-kindle the faith. I don't want to bask in succulence of momemtary pleasure.

Can I free myself? Can I go back being untouched? Unhurt?

Ganesh Chaturti Wishes.

2006-08-27T10:13:00.000-07:00

Prayers that Lord Ganesha brings Peace, Happiness and Prosperity to your world.

Ganesh Chaturthi Wishes for all!

Rambling away....

2006-08-23T04:48:00.000-07:00

From the kinda material that appears on this space, one would think there's not much running in my mind ---that is only if one considers a blog as a reflection of one's mind, if not one's life in general. But tha actual fact that is, there's a lot that goes in my mind and at any given point, hundreds of ideas are wrestling with each other for space, but the moment I try and pen them down...they are gone!...poof!

Not as much as I wanted to, but I admit that do not have the gift of the fingers. I can't ramble away. Anyway, I have decided to try rambling once in a while, and while I am at it, I ask myself, "What's the point to this"? And then I feel there is no point at all, I tell myself, "That's the reason it is called Ramblings".

Ramble 1

I am sensitive. All the people who know me will vouch for that. Poke me with a knife and I might recuperate in a while, but poke me with arbitary, boisterous, heartless words, and you've done the worst - atleast for a day.

Ramble 2

I've been maintaining this blog for quite a while where I jot down every attitude/behaviour of mine that I feel needs a change. The motive being that if I repeat the same thing again, and if it's already jotted down, it reaffirms my willingness to change. I firmly believe that "Do not get emotionally involved in an argument with anyone who a) are not close to you and b) are unreasonable, no matter how much you feel of the subject. Always maintain the air of "casual indifference". Sigh! I wud have been a happier person, only if I cud follow my own advice.

-----End of Rambles-----

Rambling is just not my scene or mebbe I have to keep doing it to make it better. In case, if you find my future posts a trifle different from ma previous ones, you know what I am doing - trying harder to ramble!

Cheerios.

Of special children and even more special parents.

2006-08-16T22:29:00.000-07:00

The general sequence that follows in our society is Courtship… Marriage… Family, juggled appropriately with careers and ambitions. But planning a baby is a BIG decision. Arrival of a baby, dynamics within the family in general and particularly the couple undergo a complete metamorphosis. Unkowing feelings awaken in the new parents. Changes, mostly subtle inevitably creep into the husband-wife relationship. After all the demands of a new born and enormous. All this is the customary scenario when the new member of the family is born "normal". Can you imagine the profound effects that take place when the child born is handicapped.

So many problems being to surface from the moment a handicap is suspected or confirmed. That the disabled child will have extreme bearing on the interplay of emotional relationships is to be expected. The parents themselves, initially take a lot of time to come to terms with it. Devastating is the feeling that their child is not like any other. Coping with this reality is not only difficult, but traumatic.

Disability is an aspect that only few are familiar with. And no parent in this world would ever envision it as being a part of their lives. No one is ever prepared for this kinda eventuality. It is only something that we imagine happening to others, but not to ourselves. In such cases, most of the times, blaming the other for their misfortune creates a rift between the couple.

But with gradual realisation and time, parents do accept the inevitability of their baby’s condition. They are faced with yet another battle. How would people react? It is just not the reactions of their extended family that really bothers them, but the attitude of the society as well. They become too sensitive to different behavioural patterns, imagined or otherwise, of all the peoplr around them. Adverse, bizzare, thoughtless, arbitary comments, sometimes unintended, make them retreat back into their shells. They avoid social contact apart from the ones they are really close with. But doesn't the support from the people around you matter? Isn't the support and help of relatives, friends and society that contribute towards the eventual acceptance and rehabilitation of the child?

It's very unfortunate that disability and its implications are not fully understood by most of us. I don't doubt the general awareness. It has significantly grown. But do we really appreciate the stressful changes that change the lives completely of parents who have such children?

'Why me?', 'Why my child'?, is a phase they are left to battle out by themselves. There isn’t much we can do to relieve this aspect of their personal suffering. How many of us make an effort to not make them feel alienated? Do we really understand the magnitude of their confusion and vulnerability? Do we realize that their disabled child also needs love, care, support and warmth? Do we appreciate the strength of such parents who overcome their pain and sorrow and accept the reality of having a child who will always be different? It is only when such awareness spreads that a birth of a disabled child would not cripple the entire family....the day we'd believe that such parents are truly special.

By-laws of saying 'I do'.

2006-08-10T11:15:00.000-07:00

There are advantages of having married friends - they put up road signs to acquaint you with the territory. I received a good stack of information that served as a well of learning, since I am travelling the same road, once travelled by them.

She started out by telling me that people marry for a variety of reasons. Some out of convenience or circumstance but most do for the universal thing called ‘love’-- which is the starting point and continue up to the peak when they decide to take the ‘plunge’. The usual ceremonies take place followed by a romantic honeymoon somewhere in the Caribbean, or some other exotic location.

"This is the short story of it - the long story, this is the beginning, niks".

Time does not wait for anyone. Time is a hard-driving taskmaster. Ready or not, it gets moving down that road.

I have this close-knit group of friends which gather occasionally for harmless girl-talk. The chat would run through all current issues of the day and a bit of sensational trivia of famous people’s lives. But talk almost always would zero down on bugs in marriage. Ha-ha, they compared as to who had the most bugs.

Was it always like that? No! It was never like this. They remember being in love— the bouquet of red roses, the box of chocolates, the whispered sweet nothings, the love songs, the 'punctual' romantic dinner dates, and the sharing of things. Everything was labeled 'ours'. If everything was so sweet and perfect, then what happened? 'We got married! That's what happened!, they'd all say. 'The flowers and chocolates stopped, we hardly spoke anymore, we hardly hear each other, he stopped noticing my new dress or my new hair style, he forgets anniversaries and birthdays, ignores my friends, and so on.

‘True colors; it’s only a matter of time’, they'd chorus.

'Why do people change after they are married?', I asked her.

'We get ‘road signs’ in life wherever we find ourselves in. Marriage is no exception, niks'. 'Marriage always cannot be looked through pink-colored glasses'.

She kept me abreast of the following by-laws of marriage:

Honesty: You must be able to "take it", if you ask for the truth. Sharing truth builds the bond, and is not destructive.

Flexibility: Every marriage has its own architecture, which inevitably changes over times. You may have to make efforts to add something new.

Privacy: Snooping/spying is irresistible. The invasion is as wrong as whatever "evidence" one may find.

Grace: The ultimate act of love is to let somebody "save face."

Forgiveness: Nowhere in life is this concept more tested than in marriage. You may need to forgive over and over again to stay together.

Idealism: Believe in marriage. Though we may call marriage a sacred institution, it is also an imperfect human contract.

Thanks, mate! I'd sure keep these 'road signs' in mind, always!

(Un)Lucky - No time for Sex!

2006-08-07T01:44:00.000-07:00

Identity of my dearest, workoholic, climbing up the corporate ladder friend, married to an eqally ambitious batchmate-turned-husband has been camouflaged.

'Are you cent percent sure?'

'Yup. I am sure. We share the same year/month of birth; we both are 28, we both would trun 29 this year. And approaching 30 very sooon.

'Damn. I am scared. My biological clock is ticking away and I haven't yet reached a common ground with my husband on the baby topic'!!

'Speak to him', I said.

'What do u intend to do?', I asked further.

'Dunno. My husband refuses to touch me. He fears that I mite con him, and he is not prepared to shoulder sucha huge responsibility.' He doesn't understand that he can think of delaying it, but I can't'.

'You are at a good position in your career. Are you mentally, emotionally, financially prepared for a baby at this stage?', I asked.

'Forget the rest. Emotionally I am.'

Me: 'Only one solution. Seduce him'.

'How I wish!. Due to our respective hectic work schedules we hardly get to see each other. Forget getting into that act'.

Me: 'Why don't you guys plan a vacation. Check on when does a long weekend come and go some place.'

'Ummmm. Yup. Guess would have to do that.'

'Where do I start?'

Me: 'Lingerie. Let's shop.'

'Meet you at 6:00. Bye.'

Me: 'Bye'.

Happy Friendship Day to All.

2006-08-06T11:15:00.000-07:00

When I was young, I used to believe in the concept of one best friend. On growing up I realized that if you allow your heart to open up; you get to see the best in many friends.

One friend's best is needed when you are going thru rough things with your man.
Another's best is needed when you going through things with your family.
Another when you want to shop, share, heal, joke, or just be.
One to fight together,
One to pray together,
One to cry togther,
One to walk together,
One for your spiritual need,
One to share your love for movies,
One to be with in our season of confusion,
One - who would be the wind beneath your wings....

It may all be wrapped in one, but for many it's wrapped up in several. I thank God for friends. Those who honor intimacy, those who hold trust, and those who stand by you in times of trouble.

I thank God for the special bond we share, for the prayers we sent up, for the laughs, the tears, the phone calls, the emails, the shopping, the movies, the lunches, the dinners, the late night talking, the afternoon talking, all the talking and all the listening.

Someone once said that 'strangers are simply friends in disguise'. I agree. The bond of trust, honesty, sincerity, respect, and kindness shared and enjoyed in friendships, is what makes it so beautiful.

So whether you've been there for 20 mins or 20 years - I'll always love you.

To all Brothers.

2006-08-05T00:52:00.000-07:00

According to Webster's Dictionary, the word 'sibling' means two or more people have common parents. It was sucha fateful day when this word came into existence - the day when secrets, privacy, peace and the fundamental right to the remote control vanished foreva.

Siblings hold a very strange place in our lives. They are people we declare we would be better off without and at the same time we cannot really imagine life without them. I do not have much to say about girl siblings but have a lot to say about brothers.

The term 'Brother' means a pain in the neck. I have an older brother. He's taller than me and his only mission of life was to discovery my secrets. An avid eavesdropper, he never knew the meaning of 'private', 'confidential' or 'individual'. I am sure he neva knew that these words ever existed!! My diaries, my cell-phone, my cd's and my books were always a fascination for him. I still remember the laundry list of instructions I received from him on my first day of college, "No bunking lectures", "No loitering arnd the canteen", "No going to discs", "Do not give your contact numbers to any one (he meant guys!!)", blah..blah..

But he would share his stuff with me, which is something I boast about.

There have been occassions when I did need my brother and always appreciated his company. Now when I think of it, my life wud neva have been the same if I didn't have my brother to share it.

My brother holds a special place in my heart and though I have never said this to him - I mean it. I think it's just that way with siblings.

It's Raksha Bandhan on 9th August. Happy Rakhshbandhan to all brothers.

This is what I call Lack of work syndrome!

2006-08-03T05:58:00.000-07:00

It gets lonely staying at home. Especially for a person whose always enjoyed the social aspect of working with other people. You'd neva find me complaining about a co-worker who passed by my desk to chat - those breaks were always welcomed. On numerous occassions I roamed the office looking for an open ear. I love to goof off. I love to procrastinate. I love to talk (who doesn't?!). I had hundreds of opportunities during the day, in the office.

Now, I am only stuck to myself. I can goof off - I can read blogs the entire day, surf the web until my eyes burn, or blast my fav. music and dance around, singing on top of my lungs simultaneously.

Lack of connection is the most difficult part of not working. In my various office settings, I had access to helpful people who could answer my questions and offer me instant advice. I bonded with them -- some of my closest friends are people I've worked with.

And now, I have no one to consult when I'm at a roadblock. This post is dedicated all those things I miss about work and the things I don't!!

Things I miss (like hell!!) about my workplace:

1. It's people: It's true that there were times when eight hours of the day went by without me saying so much as a word to someone else. But I have seen and heard people walk by my desk dozen times a day. I shared time, air and space with them. It was nice. Now, a major part of my day is spent on seeing TV or in front of ma PC. Email is one of the ways of reaching people and being reached. There will come a time when I'd just go down for a walk for the crave of human contact.

2. The Girls: You get close to a group of girls when you fall on the same menstrual cycle. There is something special when you have to just look at each other to laugh.

3. Payday's.

4. The Beach: The beach is just five minutes away from my office. I loved the walk to the beach during the rains. I am glad I don't stay anywhere near it, or I wud have lived in it!!

5. All the Food Places: The area I worked boasts of designer shops, glitzy people, a few three star hotels and a famous Seven Star hotel. There are amazing little gems of restaurants and coffee shops.

Things that I don't miss:

1. Bad Office Coffee: When I had to choose between bad office coffee and none at all, I chose the coffee.

2. Drama. Don't think have to elaborate anything on this. If any of ma co-workers are reading this, you know what I am talking abt!!

3. Micro-Management: The feeling that someone is always looking over your shoulder monitoring your every move while you try to work was annoying.

So that's it. You guys have a nice day.

Gearing up..slowly and surely!

2006-07-28T12:42:00.000-07:00

When ma buddies ask me how the wedding preparations are coming along, all I say is "Everything is over. Slowly but surely". There's so much to do, but I can't do so many things at one time. So I take it bit by bit, one thing at a time.

I look at online classified ad’s for apartment listings, look into various sites for deals for a vacation, talk to travel agents for my tickets, before running out again. I visit the temple and say prayers that the evil spirit will stay the hell away.

"You're really doing well!", says he.

"Really", I asked him. "I feel like I am my head is going to blast".

I always dreamt about my marriage like most girls do, and I admit I am enjoying the process.

As much as I love thinking about the frills, that's what it is to me… Our families… Our love… Our life… Coming together, slowly and surely!

2006-07-26T10:48:00.000-07:00

How do you write when there are currents flowing inside you that completely overpower your senses? Places, people, horns..it's the feeling of being empty, yet completely bombared with life, with all it's sounds and smells? It's like walking back home without thinking of single thing about my own life. Thoughts juggling in my head for a while and then just leaving me, letting me just be. Dejected and dissappointed faces staring at me, waiting to go home, staring onto the road.

How do people make the decisions they take? Do people really care when they say they do? Can anyone make decisions that are completely selfish? We don’t think at all before blatantly hurting the people we love. To what height of conceitedness are we ready to fall, before we hold ourselves responsible for the damage we’re directly responsible for?

I stand today in the midst of all this chaos, watching loved ones bleed as the knife is pushed deeper and deeper in..watery eyes, weary people stare at me and size me up...waiting for my insides to pass out..

I've spent my better years in trying to undo the pain that I never did cause myself..and yet when I see the same old phantom looming back into the lives of my loved ones, I do nothing except watch it come and wrench out the heart of my loved ones. I wannna run , for I cant watch them being destroyed itself, little by little…

It's about being still, about listening intently to each of the songs of the little birds, to chase a peacock only to have his magnificent view a while later. It's about knowing just how much you are loved, walking endlessly, watching people wither away, holding your best friend’s hand for one last time yet again and wondering why doesn't the world stop spinning and just rest for a while.

Are you starting afresh?

2006-07-20T10:00:00.000-07:00

It's not so easy to start afresh. It's better to finish than start anew. The time machine ticks by inevitably and offers no pause. We can ignore time, but what about the changes that comes along with it? That's impossible to avoid. There's something ferocious about the way each second ticks, for the optimist and the pessimist. It never goes at the pace you want it to - the times we want it to run faster, it crawls and vice-versa. But even then, time is what one would trust above all things in the universe.

I am one who is always conscious of time. Each time I look forward to the future, there is a nagging pain when I let the time pass by me. It has the catch-me-if-you-can attitude and time has been the biggest villain in ma life. I have very little option than not trusting, this trust causes nothing but procrastination.But as I keep listing the things I would want to do in the future, I feel contended with the time that life offers me.

Several occassions like Buddays and New Year's come as a breather in this rat race. These are times to bring in the new. It's difficult sometimes to convince ourselves that a new horizion is just around the bend, especially when things are going wrong. Each occassion is made up of erasing the old mistakes and starting with a new slate of hopes and renewed dreams. We divide our time into days, weeks, months, years etc. so that we get something fresh once in a while. I would love to live a life with nothing to look forward to. Is there anything more welcoming than hope?

With July, we've entered the second half of 2006. So many people would take this as an oppourtinity to start afresh. Not because the first half has been bad but just hoping that their second half is better. I, too hope that I work harder, my marriage goes off well, my visa is approved without any hassels, and so on and so forth.

The second half of this year has started on a good note for me. To everyone, who has forgotten to start again or is just kicking off, I sincerely hope that the next six months see all your hopes and dreams come true. May each one of you be blessed with success and all the happiness that comes along with it. Let peace and happiness take over......

2006-07-16T06:29:00.000-07:00

I often find myself wondering if one is ever well and truly free. I have neva been. And never will be. Tht's because deep down inside me I've always been skeptical of the existence of freedom. I think there is no such thing as being completely free. Not even after you are dead and gone, if you go by our religious scriptures. We all are caged and have restraints. We allow ourselves to be ensalved (there exists various degrees of willingness tho') be everything ranging from love, lust, commitments, to the darker elements like drugs and other crimes.

There is no such colour as purely black or white in our world of normal people. We are usually of the colour grey, a combination of thr two. It's only the dominance of one colour over the other that gets peple to satnd apart from the rest. These colours are painted by circumstances; the canvas is not complete. There are shades of red here, shades of blues and greens there. These colours are interpreted in different ways depending upon the individual's mindset. I perceive red to be love, passion and fury and all other feelings of the heart that go hand in hand, green is envy, jealousy and blue is innocence, and is universally deemed the colour of melancholy, to me it also emphasises vibrance. Have you seen the sky or the ocean wear a sad face? I haven't.

All I have been trying to say is that we are all made of colours. We don't realise it that's another part of the story. It's the colours you see or you want to see that makes the person you are. When you admire the colors of another, you try and discover the same shade in you by scratching away the dull surface. We are what we make ourselves to be. There is always a choice however unconscious..

Mumbai Blasts.

2006-07-11T22:46:00.000-07:00

God… this has become a regular feature. More bombs went off in Mumbai. I don’t even know what to say. Life is so full of incongruity. Was on my way home thinking about all the various ironical situations that happen everyday… when the news of the bomb blast came across. Couldn’t continue thinking in the lighter vein after that.

Born, brought up and educated in Mumbai, I love this place. I love its people, I am proud of the people who rushed to help… but the amount of coverage that the blasts are getting is making me sick. It was a crowded train, first class compartments, no leg space… actually no space for anything at all, people from various backgrounds were jostling to get in or out (involuntarily). Objective achieved once again. Some people dead, a sprinkling of panic, a liberal dose of damaged property and human life. I saw a huge puddle of blood and a trail that led from the blast site to a distance away. And I can’t stop thinking about the amoral wastage of precious human life. I don’t want to see anguished faces or hear people piecing the story block by cruel block. I do not want to smell fear and I most certainly don’t want to see suspicion on friendly faces.

I am a useless citizen who has no idea what to do except to vent everything here in a meaningless spew of verbal diarrhoea. What should we do to help?

I could beg… for peace.
I could beg for fellow citizens to maintain their temperament.
I could pray that humanity would rule over everything else.
I could hope tomorrow brings a brighter safer day.
I could wish health for those injured.
I could dream of a nonviolent boundary less world.
I could … get on with life.

The pride we Mumbaiyiites take in getting over everything is all very fine… but how long and how often could we do it?

Having said that, 'The spirit of Mumbai' isn't just a pretty phrase — it's a reality that comes to the fore every time the city is struck by disaster. And it was out in full force on 11/7. Good Samaritans came in every shape and size on Tuesday evening — the much-reviled slum dwellers living near the railway tracks, fellow commuters, local residents' groups and passersby, who without a second thought rushed to the help of victims. SALAAM MUMBAI, ONCE AGAIN.

Of Feminism sows and Chauvinist Pigs.

2006-07-10T22:49:00.000-07:00

I've been accused of being a hard core feminist. I've been convicted enuf number of times to be taken away to that vaginal prison of my complex race.

Dn't go wrong. I, like others do blush beetroot red over some gallant soul who opens the door or pulls out a chair for me, and I have discovered, much to my jaw-dropping (Ally McBeal ishtyle) horror,that the xy chromosome is capable of far more than the superfluous xx variety.

Despite such such heart-breaking thruths, I am a feminist and will always be one. Not the bra-burning, head-shaving, dam-saving kind, or the more gentle, but a certain unique little kind of my own.

I don't know what you'd call us - the modest tribe of feminists. We have never made any huge statements so far. We've always been silent and honestly we don't know what great deeds we've done to deserve all this all-encompassing. But we have all agreed to wear the badges and bake inevitable cookies, and being literate, we all know what this much-spoken-of label means.

Yes, we are harmless. Animals that need not be caged.

Here's the argument that is conclusive. We don't bother to fight for our so-called rights. Only because we've always thought we were superior - or equal, except those of us with inherently low self-esteem.

Birthright.

Welcome to India. We have cows on the street, people who spit into the roads, children running naked on streets. Have we not learnt to live with it? What's more is that we take pride in it. We like to brag about our rich culture and our heritage.

Our ancestry is our country’s claim to fame. The intelligence and foresight of our predecessors.We’ve all heard tales of the Ramayana and the Mahabharatha from our teachers in school and our grandparents.

And then the other two great epics of the world come from Greek lore. The Iliad and the Odyssey, for the illiterates. They’re all tales of battle and heroes. Of massive slaughter and reconciliation. And each of them revolve, in some way or the other around women. Battles for women, battles wrought by women. Even mythology to great extents speaks of wars of impressively great in size for women.

Draupadi insisted on the Kurukshetra massacre, Sita - the epitome of virtue, pure and flawless, whose beauty enticed Ravana and caused him to abduct her. The Trojan War - waged for one all-powerful woman and finally the batte of Penelope - the faithful wife who refused to marry another man. One more battle for one more woman.

And my point is....Women who were perfect, and women who were less so. In some way or the other they have caused conflict; they were the center of it all. Womanhood – powerful and irresistible. At the end of the day, no matter what is said and done, the world revolved around them.

In some incomprehensible way, they really wrote history.

And we are still fighting for women’s rights?

2006-07-05T05:15:00.000-07:00

From Nappies to Skirts

From braids to ponytails

From High School to College

This journey might seem short but there is a bare truth that has gone inside it.

Parents welcome their little princesses in this world assuring them of a pampered childhood and a pleasant life ahead.

Am currently reading the autobiography of Protima Bedi - Time Pass. Her daughter had completed the preface and she had clearly expressed how she went into a whirlpool of gloom when her mother's boyfriend had spoken to her of sexual favours. The lady who possess a high glam quotient , didn't know how to react then. I am amazed at her honesty, since I've never come across anyone who are open to discuss their unpleasant childhood memories (if they've had any!).

I know girl who lived adjacent to my friend's place. She is ten something and the twinkle in her eye can make any person smile. She's a storyteller (talks like one!) - and I enjoy listening to her stories and poems. It was one day when I and my friend were leaning against the window chit-chatting that we saw her playing with the building watchman. Under the pretex of a game that man had something else in mind. We alerted her mother who then caught him off guard. Random thoughts started to run in my mind. From these random thoughts,coherent thoughts emerged. What cud have been her plight? What cud have been the long-term impact on her?

This is an area that is being ignored and one one wants to talk of it. Somethings are better left unsaid. Child abuse can have severe effects. Typically, most children who go thru child abuse exhibit behavior problems ranging from separation anxiety to posttraumatic stress disorder.

A survey conducted by the National Center for PTSD (Posttraumatic stress disorder) sited that one out of every five girls is sexually child abused. We can’t deny the fact that it is not happening; it is happening and it is happening around us. We need to be very careful - Pedophiles can be around the corner.

Studies of childhood sexual abuse, define childhood based on age range that may be in adolescence too. Children who are victims of improperly intimate r'ships are worst hit. Brother-sister incest is reported to be more common than the next common (step)father-daughter incest. I have read of such crazy facts, which are ridiculous but imagine the impact they leave on a child's psyche.

I don't say that it is the parent's responsibility to impart knowledge on their children of good touch or bad touch. Let children know that they have the right to prevent the wrong gestures. We need to tell them that authority does not mean to obey everything what those in authority tell them to do. We need to develop strong communication skills which would encourage them to talk openely of their experiences. We need to explain to them the importance of reporting abuse.

So, the next time you sing Que sera sera- what will be, will be to your child, remind yourself - the Future is ours to see!

Rain Drops

2006-06-30T01:51:00.000-07:00

Watching the rain drops drip slowly off the leaves makes a wonderful times pass. It makes you stick your neck out to let it fall on your nose and gently run down to the lips and then welcoming them into your mouth with the tip of your tongue. They fall one at a time or in constant stream when it rains heavily caressing your face.

Each pearl of sadness or of joy intermingled with each other...like passing moments of life. They just keep falling..not waiting for anyone...in a crazy mad rush to break into so many of the same and then to reunite to become the same one again....splitter...splatter..ripples echo the distant voice of a mother warning her child to not venture out in the rain..more of them fall...I want to be washed in it...I want to hear all those voices...all of them that I haven't heard before..voices from a far away dream land.

I want more..these single drops are vehement denunciation in this land. I want to submit to the urges..drench and drown in his arms...drown in the voices...shower me in all the whiteness that stretch as fas as my eyes can see...I want to be dissolved in all the richness that could have been..I want to do a joyous dance in the celebration of these drops...

I don't want them shattering like this on earth. I want them to go against the norm...I them to stay on my arms..I want them to cleanse me off all my sins. The last drops are hanging on the leaves. They let go off each other to land in the puddle. I stretch my neck out for one last time so that a drop falls on my nose tip and then to my lips again.... it falls on to my eyes.. where dream starts, where reality ends, so many yesterdays..... and the passing today....I can see my life passing by..I want to make it stop.

I paint a wonderful smile on my face. I am smiling, preparing to laugh. The last drops fall from the leaves....*plop*

Investing in stars.

2006-06-23T02:58:00.000-07:00

There are various parameters one keeps into consideration while trading in the Stock Market. Experts advise that the best investment candidates are stocks that have already outperformed the market.

How good is the company? Do the stocks have have room to run? Can you make money on it? How much would be your return on equity (ROE)? What business is the company into? What is the potential for future growth? What is the stock's current valuation?

If Bollywood/Hollywood stars were stocks you could invest in, which one would you buy? And why?

Share your views.

Love in the new era.

2006-06-20T12:32:00.000-07:00

"You really can't prove that you love me more than I do!". But that was a nice try, tho'!, she said.

"What would you gimme if I do prove it?", asked he.

"Depends on how successful you are at proving it." came a reply.

"Nopes!You can't expect me investing my time in something that does not give me results on the outset. It isn't fair!", he shot back.

This is one of the several mundane conversations that Saurabh and Shurti had subjected themselves to. Today if they were made to hear these same conversations, they would swear that it wasn't them. Their denial, apart from all other reasons, would be mainly due to the fact that it made them remind of the bottom line - 'Once upon a time' they were madly in love with each other (or they thought so that way!).

Love to Shruti was the celestial blissful state that made everything in her world wonderful. To Saurabh it was that wonderful feeling he felt below his stomach. To Saurabh, making Shruti happy was an easy route to making it in bed, which was the only reason he left no stone unturned to keep her happy. For Shruti, seeing Saurabh happy was like living in heaven on earth. Saurabh, cried for every moment he wasn't with her. Shruti, cried for every second she spent away from him.

This way, however pretentious or selfish, you can see that they were completing each other. These beautiful feelings kept them aimless in the tumultuous relationship they were in.

It was that one afternoon that changed it all. That one afternoon Shruti would neva forget, even if she wants to. It is this afternoon that Saurabh would neva want to remember. Unlike in the movies, there was no swirling storm that was about to creat havoc nor were there gusty winds blowing their heads off. It was a silent Sunday afternoon.

Shruti looked stern. Her face was rigid. She looked as if she had come prepared for a court room trail of Saddam Hussain.

"Who was that woman with you in the cafeteria last evening?", she asked.

"She was soooooo HOT. Wasn't she?. Well, no one dahling, a new copy-writer. She's currently freelancing. If they like her work, she'll be hired for a permanent position. There is no reason for fear. You start worrying once she's hired.", said Saurabh.

"I can't live in this constant fear of loosing you. You say you love me, which should not make you oogle out to any other female that your eyes catch?. Every moment, I have this fear, 'What if he likes his colleague Preeti more than me'? 'Does he find Shruti more admirable than me'? I just cant take this anymore, I have to know for sure that you love me more than anything else in this world!”. Shruti could not control the mountain of emotions that were flooding her heart.

"Oh! C'mon my sweetie-pie. You know I love you more than a date with Bipasha Basu, which means I really love you a lot!!. Trust me Shruti. If I am oogling out at other woman, is it not because I want them more than I want you. It is not because I am not satisfied with you. You can tear my heart apart and see, how much I love you!", said Saurabh trying to convince her as much as he can.

"Bull Shit! I know that it is not true. I know you are saying this 'cause there is an excitement inside you and you want to do what you normally do to see the excitement sink in", quipped Shruti.

"Ok! Ms. James Bond, if you've kinda figured it out, can we get started?", quizzed Saurabh with a mischevious smile.

"This is the damn problem with you. All you ever think of is this. You neva think of marriage, committment, children and a life together", replied Shruti.

"Cool it. Mother India. Wait, you said marriage. Wht's my age? No one gets married at my age for Chrissake!!", said Saurabh.

"My father was married when he was two years younger to your present age", said Shruti.

"That was the 60's!! Grow up, Shruti. That was a time having a Cricket team in your house was a matter of pride. It was a time when we had no I-pods, no computers and no television. You are speaking of primordial times!! What is the harm if two adults want to spend time with each other when they love one and another minus the chains of matrimony?", reasoned Saurabh.

Like all say, reason is a thing unknown to a female mind, and Shruti was no different. She chose to not see the subtle hint in the crystal clear thought(s) of Saurabh, and decided to stick to her indirect proposition.

She proposed him. For marriage. She didn't do it in the most romantic of ways, not to mention the absence of the word "sweet" in her sentence. But she did what only a few wimmen dare to do.

Saurabh: "Well, if it's marriage what you want, then we both want different things from each other. I am sorry I cannot continue the r'ship further."

Shruti was taken aback. The sound of her world that always made her feel real was getting on her nerves. She wanted to be alone. She just couldn't stand this any longer.

She was hating him. She couldn't stand the sight of him any longer. She coudn't believe that Saurabh thought most about what was the last thing on her mind. She coudn't stand the sight of the man who was giving up the life long partnership for purely phyiscal bliss.

She understood that Saurabh was not a man to mend a car that wud not run. All he ever wanted was to drive the car, without having to take care of it.

In seperation, their feelings were complementary.
---------The End---------

My note:

It's so difficult to say who was wrong. Although on first reading you mite think that it is the MAN who is to be blamed. If you were to release urself from all socio norms and religious grip, would you take the man's side?

A tribute to Fathers.

2006-06-15T23:31:00.000-07:00

We give a lot of credit to mothers around the world for the way she brings up her child(ren), for the way she functions as the heart and soul of the family - as the hand that rocks the cradle. We forget the Leader, the man of the house, and the Ace of all cards - the FATHER.

Yup, God has made Father's too. The other side of the nuturing act for all families everywhere. Fathers are the Captain of the ship, a provider and a mentor all rolled into one. His diligence provides food for survival, shelter above our heads, books for our education, clothes for our bodies and medicines when sick. As the Head of the family, he takes us through rough waters, soothes our ruffled feathers and charters our life to a bright future with the wisdom and experience he has gained.

I have friends who hate their fathers - because their fathers were absintees for most of times while they were growing up. Their fathers never connected or related to them, and had set up a Hitler's regiment in the house, which was strictly adhered to. Such were their fathers.

But, aren't father's humans too? It doesn't mean that all fathers are that way - insensitive and unnerved. Each one of us have some or the other flaw in character. So - even parents are not perfect. But it doesn't change what I write here.I salute all fathers - worthy tools in the hands of God meant for our nuturing. It is due to my father's strong hands I learnt to ride my first cycle and play ball. He fixed the broken leg of my doll and was awake the entire night taking care of me while I was ill. He's so cool except when we are in trouble. He becomes a nervous wreck then.

Fathers are one side of the nurturing act, mother's holding the other end. They alleviate us from our troubles, help us make the right choice about our ambiguous future, jointly or seperately in their respective ways. While the mother is the heart and soul of the family, the father takes the role of the head. He provides us with all amenities and creates such an amiable enviorment which enables us to love, live and grow.

I thank GOD for blessing us with fathers. Tell your father you love him.

It's Father's Day on 18th June. God bless them all.

The people we choose.

2006-06-14T05:02:00.000-07:00

No matter how independent, strong-willed and audacious we are, or believe ourselves to be, the people we choose to include in our lives can make or break us.

Another lesson learnt today.

How far is too far?

2006-06-08T12:20:00.000-07:00

"Why does everyone in the "society" makes a big deal about having sex before marriage"?, Amit says.

"Do you feel that pre-marital sex is a question of morality, self-restraint or of sin"?, He continues.

"No. There has to be a more objective approach. Sex just for fun and without responsibility is something I don't encourage.", I told him.

He says he's had a physical relationship with his girlfriend and it got them closer. They spent a lot of time together and learnt to listen to each other a lot more. He believes that sex before marriage can be beneficial and that sexual compatibility contributes a long way to a happy and a complete marriage. He says, technically it is right for people to say that love is more important than sex, but people who claim that they could have a happy marriage without being sexually compatible with their partner is just not being true to him/herself.

My say on this topic is that most people say that waiting for marriage will make sex much better, and that if you are not a virgin at the time of ur marriage, you are taking away something meant specially for your spouse. I want to know the 'reasoning' behind this. My argument is that anyone who has waited till marriage to have a sexual relationship has no reason for comparisonm, because they don't know that their feelings for sex with their partners would be any different had they engaged into pre-marital sex. I don't know what constitutes a marriage more - making love or being in love? . I find it hard to believe that if you are not a virgin when you are married means you and your spouse cannot share a beautiful thing. Instead I tend to believe that the reason behing waiting for marriage is just to avoid mistakes such as pregnancy. I believe that if you are truly in love, then there is nothing wrong in expressing your feelings by the art of touch. I am not advocating premarital sex per se. I am just saying I don't need a piece of paper to remind me who I love!

How many of you agree with abstinence of sex until marriage?. I do want to understand your thoughts on this. Do comment. Mebbe I am missing something that others are seeing so clearly.

Born under a lucky star.

2006-05-29T23:59:00.000-07:00

I, like all others, too have a begining.

The entire world celebrated the day I was born. That day, till today is cherished as that of love, happiness and dreams. Ok, now please stop giving me that "Niks,-don't-blow-your-trumpet" look.

Mum says it was a calm and quite evening compared to the calamity they thought was in store. The earth did not shake, volcanoes did no erupt and neither did the tsunami wipe away lives to mark the fiasco that occurred on that Summer of '80.

To watch the sonograpy of their unborn child gives utmost joy to all expectant parents. My parent's picture perfect view of their innocent baby cuddling in the womb came crashing. And it exacerbated when they were informed that I was topsy-turvey. I am not talking of my twisted brains which look like entagled spaghetti, if you were to do an x-ray; I mean that I was born upside down. I gave momma lotsa complications before birth - and the legacy has continued till date :-).

That's how mum carried me for 9 months - upside down. And, finally on this day I decided to make a grand entry into this world. After being taken out of the womb, all bloody and wrinkled, I posed as a Angelina-Jolie-on the-beach and made sounds that was music to all male doctors. I saw the purest form of love-at-first-sight in my father's eyes, when he took me in his arms for the first time.
That's how my journey started in this world. The 26 years that have followed have been emphasized by events, mostly unexpected, which form the basic essence of my life.

Some people in the world are damn damn lucky. And after having sucha wonderful birthday, I can say I am amonsgt them. Wouldn't had ever imagined that turning 26 would be so satisfying and enjoyable. There are of course certain unfortunate events, and how I hope things had not gone wrong the way they did. There's nuthing I can do to reverse that, but I pray that things get better soon.

How I love birthdays. For all the remembrance, for all the love, care, affection, goodwill, warmth, happiness and GIFTS ;-)! Thanks a million for all those kind words and gestures, awesome cards, wonderful emails - all of which make me feel so precious.

P.S: A special note to 'A' and 'Sheetal' for sending me that pretty basket of flowers. It makes me realize how lucky I am to have you in my life; who makes sure that I get the things I like best on my birthday. Sweets, thanks a MILLION.

See your troubles as blessings.

2006-05-28T12:49:00.000-07:00

Our troubles are actually blessings in disguise. Each of you would agree with me that we learn the most from the difficult experiences. Have you ever wondered, why we, as humans spend so much of our lives focusig on the negative aspects of our problems rather than seeing them for what they are - Our greatest teachers.

Would we have the courage, wisdom and knowledge we possess had we not experienced the setbacks we've faced, the mistakes we made and the suffering we endured? We need to realize that pain is a teacher abd failure is the highway to success. You can never play the guitar without hitting a few wrong notes and you can never ride a bicycle if you are not willing to fall off it a few times. To qoute Patrick Overton, “When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith -- is knowing that one of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on –- or -- You will be taught to fly”.

I too, like most people have encountered my own share of pain while traversing this path of life. It;s during these testing times that I realized that character is shaped, not through life's easiest experiences, but during the toughest ones. It is only during life's most trying times that we discover who we truly are and the undying strength we have within us to over any obstacle. I quote Rainer Maria Rilke, whose words have helped me when life throws one of it's curves on me:

....have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in foreign langauge. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present, you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even notcing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day.

So there you have it. I do hope that in some way possible these words help you to see your troubles as blessings. May you be granted all the strength it takes to face your trials in life and come out with greater wisdom. :-)

Have a nice week ahead.

Budday Wishes.

2006-05-23T11:08:00.000-07:00

Today is my friend 'P's Appy Budday.
Here's wishing you a fabulous day
and a nice year ahead.
Happy Birthday gurl!!!

Wishing you a Budday,
That sparkles all day through,
To brighten every moment,
Exactly like you do.

A to Z of HIM!

2006-05-22T11:59:00.000-07:00

I have read blog posts on people writing things about themselves from A-Z. It's marvellous to know people introspect so much to write 26 things about themselves.

I decided to write A-Z about HIM. Ther one person who is closest to my heart and whose presence means the world to me.

Aesthetic are his ways of saying how much I mean to him,
Blissful I’m in his graceful company,
Charismatic is the way his eyes shine when he looks at me,
Disastrous would be life if it didn't have his essence,
Enduring is the look in his eyes - that spells 'forever' to me,
Facilitates the best outta me,
Give anything to have him and to love him as he deserves,
Helps me raise my chin up high so I can face the world,
I'd do anything to have him forever, always by my side, so deeply in love,
Joy is what I experience when he's next to me,
Kernel his eyes to my days start,
Light he is to my hard day,
Mesmerizes me - drawing me deeper towards him,

Nights end with his embrace,
Oxygen for me every breath he takes,
Places a soft tune in my head and a smile in my heart too,
Queenly is the way I am treated by him,
Ravishing his royal demeanor,
Swimming through realms of vanity,
Together we shall always be; forever,
Ulterior he is in his every thought
Virtuous in his every action
Wonderful he makes me feel; makes my world go round
Yearn to hear his voice,
ZZoombie I've been, and never noticed.

Nice weekend eh?

2006-05-22T04:42:00.000-07:00

Had a fantastic weekend.

Thoda friends ke saath tp, Thoda Amit H. ke saath fighting, thoda saaf safai, ek aur dost ka wedding, ek motivational story, ek exhilarating conversation with 'H', ek aur shyam 'S' ke saath, ek sleepless night.

Aur lots of sleeping in the office on Monday.

What to do, I am like that only.

The need to BARE.

2006-05-18T10:17:00.000-07:00

Was going through the morning newspaper - the Bombay Times and was quite disgusted. Why?Because it's not the most alluring sight to see men and women in a few strips of cloth, baring everything that is, for the world to see while sipping your mornin' brew. It's not only in the newspapers. It's everywhere. In song sequences, posters, movies - they all give way to unrealistic, unhealthy portrayals of female sexuality, sexual health, and gratuitous female sexuality and nudity.

Why is it so mandatory to bare skin for a movie or a song to be on the top of charts?

How does Paris Hilton stripping make her movie House of Wax (or any other) any more popular? It's not only in Hollywood? We are following them and are on our way in attaining the title of 'World-Leaders' in the field. Most teens, children as they call themselves Generation Next will snap back at you and looking down their noses explain that it's the most in thing to wear - the lesser the better. How does showing your cleavage in a pub or wearing skimpy outfits make you popular?

And it's not only for wimmen here...there are a lot of men who parade around in all sorts that don't term as "clothing"!

I am not against wearing something "sexy", but when "sexy" comes close to being "nude", that's where I have the problem. Quote the Indian bare-it-all-woman, Ms.Sherawat, "Why should I hide my body when I've worked so hard on making it what it is today?"There's nothing to be ashamed of the human body. But is there a need to prove to the world that you have a marvelous body?

My research says that when the upper strata of the human brain is empty, people make use of such means to gain attention and attract crowd. I am not asking you to cover every centimeter of your skin, like it was done in the olden times, but why to resort to such means? Like everything else on this planet, a need for balance is required with respect to this issue as well. OR (tubelight just lit) are we trying to preserve the culture of our ancestors and hence resorting to leaves and scraps of clothing.

Child Safety: Is this the only way?

2006-05-15T07:37:00.000-07:00

I grew up, like everyone else, on a healthy diet of comics - Winnie the Pooh, Dennis the Menace, Noddy, Casper the Friendly Ghost, Asterix and Charlie Brown. No one at that time and age, ever bother bothered about issues like racisim, child abuse and sexual harassment. We read them and enjoyed them. After I grew up, the same comics were read only when I was ill and in bed and Charlie Brown to a little girl I knew. There were ceratin people who decided to take a dark look at these funnies and came up with stuff that said that the characters in these comics were politically incorrect and rascists.

Where has the innocence of childhood vanished?

A couple of weeks ago, I was with a friend at a local mall, and he tried to speak to this cute little girl who came to him on all fours. For him, it was like talking to his own neice, almost the same age. For me, it was fun to see my buddy bend at his substantial middle to chat up with a two pony-tailed, chubby-cheeked, rhapsodic small child who could barely manage to be still. For others, it was something very ordinary. All Indians have an inborn love for small children and will go out of their way to be friendly and make an affectionate contact with them.

But it's an extremely different story in other parts of the world. Stay away from strangers - is the rule. Try to kiss an American baby or pat a British baby - none of whom you've ever met before - and the next you'll find yourself behind the bars with a lawsuit for sexual harassment. Children at a very young age are taught to beware strangers, ofcourse with some justfication. They are hardly allowed to play in gardens/playgrounds or any other public place without adult supervision.

Is this a good thing? Isn't this a loss of human innocence? Or is this the best possible way left, to keep your child safe?

Mother - A Phenomena

2006-05-13T06:58:00.000-07:00

There's no emotion quite like that of holding your baby for the first time. Of seeing, hearing and feeling what you carried within you for nine months - a little being, small, vulnerable, wordless. That's when it occurs to her that life has changed irrevocably. That she is now responsible for life besides her own. Just whe the anxiety threatens to overwhelm her, her baby cries out. As she quickly turns to her baby; to take in her arms, the apprehension turns into acceptance. And finally, the woman turns into a MOTHER.

She feels her baby is a great person to talk to . About anything under the sun, for hours and hours on end. There she is, calling her baby by their name, telling her baby about mummy and daddy, and what a pretty baby he/she is. Pointing at things and explaining to her baby what they are. Asking her baby what they'll become when they grow up, or who her Price Charming / Princess would be. There is her baby, listening to solemnly to every word. Then, very seriously, her baby explains her view of life, the universe and everything: 'Goo-goo, ga-ga."

She knows that expression very well. She should. It's the baby's. And now it's hers too. Her little one has got it down pat - the eyes, the smile, everything. She realizes that she is teaching her little one more than she thinks. Her little one is watching her every move, learning how to behave in the world. It's funny at first. Then she begins to worry about what she is teaching her baby. That her baby is learning things he/she is not supposed to. Because the last thing she wants is that her baby turns out like herself.

It's natural for her to call out her baby by her name. And it's even more natural for her baby to not understand. One day, she'll call out to her baby. And her baby would turn his/her pretty little head to look at her. As if to say, "Yes, Momma; I'm here." She realizes that her baby has been slowly understanding that one familiar combination of sound refers to him/her. That her baby's just begun to discover his/her own identity. What she has now is no longer a little bundle of likes, dislikes, moods and quirks. It's a little person.

One day, her baby decides to make some travel plans. Accordingly, her little one disappears every time her back is turned. Crawling off to his/her next destination, criss-crossing the house, covering as much as twenty kilometers a day. Much to her concern. Her baby does not see the dangers she does. What if he/she bumps her head on the cupboard? Or crawls right off the bed? Or (heaven forbid!) crawls towards the stairs? That's when she finds herself taking on the next great motherhood role - the BODYGUARD.

After weeks of cruising along holding onto furniture, alternately standing up and falling down, the great day arrives. Her little one climbs to his/her feet. And bravely, with a look of intense concentration on his/her face, he/she takes his/her first tottering steps into the world. Walking comfotably - if a trifle unsteadily - into her waiting arms. He/She has just achieved independent mobility, and their face glows. But for her the moment is bittersweet. Because it's the end of babyhood, and the begining of childhood.

She is a MOTHER. A word that means the world to ME.

Pop-the-pill

2006-05-11T23:14:00.000-07:00

Good Morning Sir! I am here to speak of a wonderful product that my company has made. Can you please spare some time for it? I ascertain that after hearing about the advantages of the product you would not be dissappointed. And it is has been rated as the best selling product of late. I am sure you would be tempted to try one, only if you could spare some of your precious moments

OK, let me explain. Can you tell me the model that you are using, Sir? Oh!No! You are using a jaded model, Sir. You need to upgrade. Let me abreast you the virtues of the latest state of the art model that our firm is selling. It's not available in stores and you are amongst the lucky few, who have been chosen to try this product.

And plus, this model comes with the warranty that you'd never run out of things, you'd never be alone, you'd never run out of optimism and the Quality Assurance Team have tried-and-tested this product for pessimistic bugs. All our customers are happy, and there is a not a single life that we sold that has been returned to us.

Like all other companies, we offer after sales service, free for the first three years and an additional piece of your soul for each yearly routine service, thereafter. If you do not have a soul to pay, you need not worry, we'd extract a bit of it from you sometime. I am sure there is a bit of it left in you somewhere. We'll sure work it out and make it worthwhile.

Why am I not using it? Sir, it's our company policy, they do not allow us to use the products we make. Our market research team has shown a rise in Sales, and the same can be ruined with too much of optimism, if we start using the product.

Yes, Sir! You can pay via any medium. We will remove a bit of your soul over the years that you live until you die a happy and contended person. Hope that you have a satisfying experience with Tablet LIFE hereafter..

Thank you.

What's in your bag?

2006-05-10T00:06:00.000-07:00

Since Junior college I have always carried oversized bags. To college, to work, to outings… everywhere. My mum wondered what I stuff in it, so I set about ‘cleaning’ it. The BLP (bottomless pit) revealed:

1. A telephone diary, a scribbles diary

2. A pouch containing strips of basic medicine, band-aids, cotton etc.

3. An empty mobile cover, mobile charger, mobile handsfree, mobile, hand tissues, an empty change purse, a handful of change from the bottom of the bag, wallet stuffed with bills, ATM statements, Credit cards, Debit cards etc...

4. 2 ball point pens (black and blue apiece) and one highlighter (green).

5. A miniature sewing kit, a bunch of safety pins and a couple of U-clips.

6. 1 Halls ki goli, half a packet of Polo mints and some eclairs.

7. A nail filer, 2 bottles of nail enamles, 1 lip liner, 2 lipsticks, 3 assorted clips, two hair clips and one comb.

8. One miniature bottle of my fav. perfume (Eternity by CK).

9. Face wash, a tube of fair 'n' lovely cream and lip balm.

10. Keys to my desk at work, my house keys and cupboard keys.

11. The wrappers of Wrigley’s chewing gum, Lehar Kurkure, Marie and Bourbon biscuits… none of which I got to see when they were full.

2006-05-09T11:31:00.000-07:00

Inspired by Keshi, I have decided to list my bizarre habits and quirks.

They are in no particular order...

1. I’m a hand talker. I don’t mean I do sign language. I mean I will be on the phone and will be talking about something and my hands will mimic the motion, even though the other person can not see me at all. It’s completely an unconscious movement and I’ll often not realize I’m doing it until I finish making the motion with my hands. 'S' used to always tease me on this.

2. When I’m home alone I put loud music on and dance around like a fool.

3. I have an obsession of cleaning my things and keeping them in a neat order. (Donno whether this is categorized as 'weird')

4. I pick my cuticles and bite my lower lip.

5. I will turn on the TV even though I’m not really watching it. I just need the background noise.

6. I will not eat beetroot. I will pick them out of food. If I come to your house and you serve me beetroot, please understand, I just cannot eat them. The texture and flavour are indescribably awful. I shudder at the mere thought of letting a beetroot pass my lips.

7. When someone’s voice or way of talking sounds funny to me I, almost involuntarily, imitate them under my breath. Jeezzzz....the 'MEAN' ME!

8. I can't fall asleep if I see any insect(s)in my house. I am absolutely petrified of insects no matter how small or big. They scare the bejeezus out of me. If one gets on me I go into panic mode which is not pretty.

9. For temperature control I usually sleep with one leg above the sheets and one under.

10. Even if I'm having a cold drink or water, I have to put ice in it.

For my friend.

2006-05-08T10:36:00.000-07:00

As I write this....a dear friend of mine is hurting...feeling that nothing is working for her...that all her efforts to save her relationship have gone in vain. She feels like giving up. So I am writhing this...only for HER..hoping that when she reads this...she might see things in a different way.

Dear Friend,

We both know that life is never easy. Each of us have gone through difficult and odd times in our separate lives. We both have told each other - it's neither here or neither there. We all make mistakes in life - getting into wrong marriages, working in the wrong place, making wrong friends, living bad decisions. But can know how things will turn out until we are not a part of it.? Never. There is always an end, for sure, because nothing in this world is left midstream.

Stop here and think for a while - Life does not stand still for anyone. We all have to make choices - move on or fall back and be left behind. With all past experiences, one can see life better with fresh interests, understanding, appreciation and wisdom. This journey continues. It's lifelong. Life is a continuous play - of giving and receiving. Bitter and sweet, success and failure, good and bad, ugly and beautiful, joy and sadness, high and low - you will often find yourself at one end or the other. This is LIFE ---difficult, rough and imperfect but RICH. There is no secret to living life. It's just about keeping in step to the beating of the drum - to the music played by that ONE drummer.

To quote:“ One day we will find our place, for all things fall into place, For all things have a place, in the greater scheme of things.”- Fr. Johnny. True to this...one day these fractured bits of our lives will fall in place. We were never promised a world of roses and ease, were we? I sometimes look back often to see what's gone past behind me. I do this only to appreciate where I am today; What I am today. The past, gruesome in some and excellent in another, has created my passions, interests, desires, expectations and dreams in one package that people see, interact with and relate to each day.

Whatever you do with your life is purely your decision. I, (or no one for that matter) can tell you what is best for you to do. NO ONE KNOWS BETTER HOW THINGS TRULY ARE UNLESS THEY DON"T EXPERIENCE IT THEMSELVES. Yet, the eternal truth - there are always 2 sides to a coin ---Yours and the other person's. No matter how you feel justified in your stand, the other end also has his/her story to tell. And so goes every tale told by man.

It's not your fault and neither his. It's just the way things are - You love him and he doesn't. You want him to love you - but he can't and he won't. How on earth can he give you something which isn't even there in the 1st place? He's been trying to tell you all the while...but you didn't understand. Give him credit for his honesty. Wake Up! You can't puch love. Neither can you beg or plead for it. So let go!

Start to develop yourself. Use your God-given talents to find out new challenges, new meanings and new directions. Find out what you are good at. Never mind the kind of relationship you were in - what matters is YOU. Move on and reclaim the right to be you. Don't waste your time on things you can't resolve. But, put all your energies on what is within your ability to control. No one can hurt us bad enough to make us sulk all day. Look inward - you will find hope. Hope (and so do we) wants you to believe that there is something greater to look forward to ---bigger than our small lives. Better and good.

It's time to laugh again.

Regards,
Nikita.

Contolled Diet and Fruit Cream for Dessert.

2006-05-05T02:56:00.000-07:00

Last nite on the dinner table:

'I read an article in the newspaper on healthy food. Henceforth we would have healthy food', papa told momma

'I got fruits from the market today. Do you wanna have some?', momma asked.

Papa: I am going to have fruits for dinner.

Momma: Fine. You go ahead. I and Niks don't need to diet.

Papa: Can you cut the fruits you got into small pieces? Add more of bananas, grapes and apples.

Momma: Ok.

Papa: Can you also whip up some fresh cream and add powdered sugar to it?

Momma: For what?

Papa: Would add it to the fruits.

Momma: OK.

Papa: Do we have waffles at home? If not, can you shallow fry some bread crumbs? To just add it to the cream.

Momma: Ok.

Papa: Do we have Vanilla Icecream at home?

Momma: Yes. Shall add it to the sweetened fruit cream and crispy bread crumbs.

Papa: Thanks. *All smiles*

Momma: Is there anything else you'd want?

Papa: No. I am on a controlled diet. Just get the fruit cream. And yes, don't forget to add strawberries and milkmaid to it.

Simple, yet so profound.

2006-05-03T06:06:00.000-07:00

Quote Robin Sharma from 'The Monk who sold his Ferrarri':

"Every moment you spend thinking of other peoples dreams, you take time away from your own".

2006-05-02T09:08:00.000-07:00

Can I make a tiny wish? A real tiny one? Can I call upon the stars to freeze my life here and not allow me to move at all? Even after howling and wailing about how things are, I am happy the way they are. I love the people around me even with all the endless fights and arguments that I have with them. Improvement does come at a cost, doesn't it? I am a little child asking her momma, "Can we stay here for good?. It's really comfortable in here."

People have warned me, "Do not tread where you are not sure of the ground. Stop there." But what is life without risks? Push yourself a little further, take another step towards the edge, and then another, and at the bottom you'll see dismantles bits of rocks with the fading echos of all those warnings. A game between chance and sensibility. Sensibility will be kissed goodbye and chance will have it's say, one day. Someday.

But can we really afford to stop? What would happen if we do? The very thought just scares me. We can't stop. We strive for better and higher. One half of me is lagging behind, it cannot keep up with the other half who is becoming nothing but a tinier speck at the horizon. The former does nothing accept hold the latter back from the last step. The last and final step to freedom. Goodbye to mundaneness.

2006-04-26T04:49:00.000-07:00

All of us are traders of reality in this market of life. Some of us trade for the present, some for the future and some hold on to the bits and parts (most of the times worthless) from the past. It is a dance - where we most of the times hold on to what we have or acquired or make a sale depending on what we make. Sometimes we earn so much, only to loose it out in the next game. Every trader has some story/tale to narrate from these transactions.

Each one of us is walking on the edge. What you get is either the most specatular view that none has ever got before or a fall that is exciting for everyone else except for the person who has fallen. Every gust or wind touches you in the most severe way than it woud be on safer grounds. The pursuit of a mundane existence, added by time, continues fruitlessly.

Clogged.

2006-04-20T09:57:00.000-07:00

There are times I wake up in the middle of the night up to the thought that the people I care about are no longer there with me.

Emotionally, I am feeling quite clogged from inside. It has been building up for quite some time now, nothing has helped in the least bit by recent events. Slowly and gradually, my abitlity to breathe has diminished to the point that I cud choke myself with my emotions. Then the feeling of being numb - to not able to reach out to anyone, to not be able to touch or move. It's then that I start wondering - what really went wrong? what is going wrong?, and I desperately look for a rope, or some hope, that I can grasp on to. And it's always in these times that 'other' mistakes follow - the ones that long term problems never get solved by.

My spirit's coming close to broken for a while and so is the body. If this is the way it goes, the situation would become unrecoverable. I think I have to be thankful for all those small mercies.

Another side of OUR nuturing act.

2006-04-16T23:33:00.000-07:00

"She calls me atleast 4-5 times a day", A said.

"So! She loves you and she calls you. Nothing wrong in that", I tell him.

"Niks, I am in office. In the middle of work she calls and asks, "What are you doing? Jeez, what the hell am I going to do at office?"

I chuckle. That indeed is not an appropriate question to ask. But we wimmen....

"And if I have to include calls made to remind me to pay the electricity bills, to drop the mobile payment cheque, or to book movie/theatre tickets, it amounts to be about 10 calls a day!!. We don't need to be reminded of our responsibilities, do we?", he said.

"See, the number of calls your girlfriend/wife makes to you is directly proportional to the amount of love she has for you. I don't think you need to complain", I told him.

"Yeah, right", he said.

"The 1st call is at 10:30AM - that's when I reach office, the 2nd at 11:30AM - that's when I take a coffee break, 3rd at 3:00AM - when I go for lunch and so on so forth. She behaves like the daughter of an Army General; she is so regular with her calls", he said.

"I think you are lucky. You have a partner who is so concerned about you", I told him.

"Concerned!! Men don't call their wives/girl-friends so often. So, are we NOT concerned", he said.

"I never said that", I said.

"The other day she called me while I was eating lunch. She asked, "What are you doing"?

Me: "Having lunch, sweets".

She: "I can hear a female voice. Whom are you eating with?"

Me: "Oh! I am with Seema. She's a colleague".

She: "Is she pretty"?.

Me: "Yeah, kind of".

She: "Married"?

Me: Nah, but would be married soon. (I turn into an astrologer. Am considering this is a side business). Was asking myself, do only pretty girls get married? If yes, then who come my dear wifey got married? Lol!!

She: From tommorrow you aren't going to have lunch with her. Just 8 months into our marriage and you've started flirting again?

Me: I am not flirting. I am 'ONLY' eating!. I was so furious at that time but had to control my anger, for the chaste person that I am.

She: That's ok. My keeping a watch over you for the last one month has paid off.

Me: Watch? For what? Have you hired detectives behind me now?

She: No yaar. No detectives. Why do you think I was calling you so often?

Me: I gasped. Just didn't know what to say.

"She calls me even now. But the number has reduced. But knowing her, I am dead sure she must have hired detectives behind me. They are invisible to me, but I know they are checking my every move, he tells me.

"You never know, they can be your 'female' colleagues, too, I teased.

"Yup, you never know", he says.

"A, it's just an 'other' side of our nuturing act. Just chill", I told him.

"Bye, Niks. Should have understood the 'female bonding' was coming", he said.

"Bye, A. Have a nice day", I said.

We hung up. I am sure he was quite disgusted with me.

We wimmen care toooo much. Only if the MEN understood. *Sigh*

2006-04-13T03:16:00.000-07:00

I often sit back and think - what would be our children's legacy? What qualities should we ingrain in them, which would help them live a rich, respectful and a meaningful life? Wealth and Education are important but I think more important are roots and the wings.

Roots - they are the strong strings of our values and beliefs that bind us in in the fabric of life. The coming generation(s) must not be a victim of confusion, cumulative corruption, struggle for daily survival and injustice. We are so depressed with these things that we looked for external rols models and are awed by the success of others. Instead of finding solutins within ourselves we prefer to sought them from outside.

It is very important that we appraise our children of our past glories. The loyalty, their conducive attitude, congenial approach towards things and people, the discipline, the definitive demeanor must be appreciated and give them a sense of pride and dignity. Our children should know that the general frustration, dissappointments and chaos in our lives is not a genetic disorder but it sprouts from the falling faith in ourselves. I believe a person who is rooted has a strong sense of balance and in times of trouble always has someone to look upto.

Wings - They are our future. Life's imperfections create the most fundamental environment for growth, aspirations, development, improvment and progress. They push us for the better or for best. It gives us wings to seek our utmost potential - seek the best and make it our own. It leads us to build briges and dreams to other lands and people. There is no limit to where a human man can reach. Why not gift our children the wings of discovery, development, exploration, expansion, advancement. There is no easy way but through trouble. Let's help them to pursue their dreams by working their skills to perfection with every trial and test. Let's make them winners.

I know it's a tall order but let's try. Our children (read as next generation) deserve it.

2006-04-09T05:50:00.000-07:00

How often do we say this to someone, "I really am happy to be your friend. But, how I wish you were a little more understanding."

Yeah, right! Replace the word 'understanding' with friendly, sensitive, tolerant, wise, or whatever word you may choose. We do this so often.!! We like a person (or people) for who they are, and also wish that we could change some facets of their personality. It's not about changing them, 'cause if that was the case, we would never have liked them in the 1st place. We try to look at them for what they shold be rather than what they are! It's just an upgradation - to suit our needs and requirements! The way WE want them to be. It's ok, isn't it.

Nopes! It's NOT

You cannot like a person if you cannot accept him or her "whole heartedly".

Let's not expect too much.
Let's not take them for granted.
Let's thank them for the difference, however minute, they make in our lives.

American (Express) Visa.

2006-04-07T03:37:00.000-07:00

I was quite dissapointed, a few years ago, when my American visa was rejected. Damn, those stupid people! Anyways, today I met an uncle who was planning a trip to the U.S of A. My first question to him, "Uncle, have you got a visa"?.

He told me, "Beta, I have been there 3 times earlier and I don't require any of 'those'.

Wow! How lucky!, I thought.

I asked him again. Only to confirm that my auditory apparatus is functioning. "Yes", he said a little annoyed.

"Uncle, have you got a Green Card", the spy in me asked. (This is thanks to all the spy thrillers I read).

"No", he said.

"Look, beta, I've been to the U.S thrice before and each time they accepted my 'American Express'.

This much for Visas! :))

I have an "American Express" too. Will I get entry in the land of Silicon Valley with that?

Cleanliness, Ugh!

2006-04-06T05:23:00.000-07:00

Spoke to V today. You can neva get tired speaking to her; she always has something to narrate about her fav. topic - her Husband.

Today's topic was on Cleanliness.

"You know niks, 'S' (let's just take his initial) says he was obsessed with cleaninlines at one point in time."

"I think cleanliness for him meant to brush his teeth once a week, take only "sunday" showers, and wear washed and ironed clothes for parties. Cleanliness, my foot!", she retorts.

"Don't know what happens to them after marriage?", she continues.

"Why don't u speak to him into this?", I said. "If there are certain habits which annoy you, the best is to speak to him about it", I continue.

"Everytime I speak to him, all I get to hear is, "V, can you please stop pestering me about these issues"?"

She continues, "He takes the newspaper inside the bathroom!. For the God in me, I really fail to understand the logic behind taking the newspaper in the bathroom!!!Is there no other place in the entire house to read?"

"To continue, he perpetually forgets to put the toilet seat down!. When I speak to him of it, I hear him say, "So what, put it down again!". Am I his servant?"

"The walls are full of soap after he completes his shower. Can't he just be careful?"

"You look at his wardrobe! He dresses like the Maharaja of Rajasthan; all branded clothes, but none of the contents of his wardrobe are ever kept neatly."

"Then on the breakfast table, Gosh!, he gets scolded for dropping enuf food on the table that can make a feast for 100 ants! Phew!"

"I am sure he would grin his teeth, promise himself that he too would make your life hell, if he ever had to hear this conversation, I told her".

He!he!. We both had a good laff.

Silent.

2006-03-18T07:26:00.000-08:00

Nikita has been quiet slient lately.

I have to admit I've kinda enjoyed the silence. Did lotsa dreaming, planning, thinking, decision-making, and it's been nice doing the same in the comfort of my own head and heart.

What days I've had! I have some good news and some ridiculously bad news. But I am not ready to share my days with you, again.

Still getting used to all tht has happened. Shall come back soon.

You guys take care and God bless you all.

2006-02-18T07:00:00.000-08:00

Quote from Paul Coelho's Eleven Minutes:

Passion makes a person stop eating, sleeping, working, feeling at peace. A lot of people are frightened because, when it appears, it demolishes all the old things in its path.

No one wants their life thrown into chaos. That is why a lot of people keep that threat under control, and are somehow capable of sustaining a house or a structure that is already rotten. They are the engineers of the superseded.

Other people think exactly the opposite: they surrender themselves without a second thought, hoping to find in passion the solutions to all their problems. They make the other person responsible for their happiness and blame them for their possible unhappiness. They are either euphoric because something marvellous has happened or depressed because something unexpected has ruined everything.

Keping passion at bay or surrendering blindly to it - which of these two attitudes is the least destructive?

I don't know.

Happy Valentine's Day!!

2006-02-13T19:26:00.000-08:00

Wishing all you lovely people a VERY HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!

May this day begin with a gentle ray of hope,
be filled with moments of Love,
and end with a soft note of peace.

And don't wait for tommorrow to say it, say it NOW to your family, friends, relatives or anyone else who matter to you. Tell them NOW that you love them. I am sure they would love to hear it from you ;-).

Go --- They're waiting!

2006-02-11T05:07:00.000-08:00

I have sinned....BIG time. Since momma's outta town, I and my sister-in-law (bhabhi) decided to fill our stomachs with junk foood. We gorged ourselves silly and just when we thought our stomachs would burst out, we went a step ahead and feasted on chocolate brownie with "extra" chocolate at Bombay Blues.

Can somebody please get Bombay Blues to shut shop.?

Distance...

2006-02-07T02:14:00.000-08:00

If only distance was not sucha bitch one would never feel unloved.

2006-02-05T21:47:00.000-08:00

Adrak wali Chai and Vita Marie (calorie-free) biscuits are God's way of saying HE exists.

2006-02-03T22:07:00.000-08:00

Was talking to Sheetal day before yesterday and the conversation apart from the general routine of events in our lives, drifted to a man's listening capabilities during a cricket match.

A MAN's listening capabilities while watching a cricket match is directly proportional to the product of "wickets in hand" and "The Current Run Rate". It also means that the Listening Power will detoriate as and when the "wickets in hand" start falling and the "run rate" reduces.

Note: All wimmen, THIS is your perfect chance to make any confessions during this time.

'AJ' says (read as adds on):

Reduction in "wickets in hand" while chasing a score would definetly decrease the listening capability of a man, so any confession you make is at your own risk.

Reduction in "wickets in hand" while putting up a score (with a good total of 300+ against the opposition) would make us feel elated and delighted. Your wish of not cooking dinner and calling from out would JUST be granted. *Conditions Apply*

The same applies to "Current Run Rate".

Since the situations keep fluctuating during a match, the bottom line is that a MAN's listening capability during a match is ZERO.

*Sigh*

Hmmmm.....

2006-02-03T10:02:00.000-08:00

Harry:
Would you like to have dinner? Just friends.

Sally:
I thought you didn't believe men and women could be friends.

Harry:
When did I say that?

Sally:
On the ride to New York.

Harry:
No, no, no, I never said that. Yes, that's right, they can't be friends. Unless both of them are involved with other people, then they can. This is an amendment to the earlier rule. If the two people are in relationships, the pressure of possible involvement is lifted. That doesn't work either, because what happens then is, the person you're involved with can't understand why you need to be friends with the person you're just friends with. Like it means something is missing from the relationship and why do you have to go outside to get it. And when you say "No, no, no it's not true, nothing is missing from the relationship," the person you're involved with then accuses you of being secretly attracted to the person you're just friends with, which you probably are. I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let's face it. Which brings us back to the earlier rule before the amendment, which is men and women can't be friends.

Hmmm...

I agree. Men and Women CAN be friends.

Love this movie. Love the dialogues.

Eat More.

2006-01-26T02:10:00.000-08:00

I found this VERY interesting report. It states that the following foods and situations have no calories at all. So you can consume all of it with a clear conscience. My happiness mounted ten-fold after I read it! Yupieeeeeee!!!!

CALORIES THAT DON'T COUNT

1. FOOD ON FOOT - All food eaten while standing has no calories. Exactly why is not clear, but the current theory relates to gravity. The calories apparently bypass the stomach flowing directly down the legs, and through the soles of the feet into the floor, like electricity. Walking appears to accelerate this process, so that an ice cream bar or hot dog eaten at the state fair actually has calorie deficit.

2. TV FOOD - Anything eaten in front of the TV has no calories. This may have something to do with radiation leakage, which negates the calories in food, plus all recollection of having eaten it!

3. UNEVEN EDGES - Pies and cakes should be cut neatly, in even wedges or slices. If not, the responsibility falls on the person putting them away to "straighten up the edges" by slicing away offending irregularities, which have no calories when eaten.

4. BALANCED FOOD - If you drink a 12 ounce diet soda with a candy bar, they cancel each other out.

5. LEFT-HANDED FOOD - If you have a drink in your right hand, anything eaten with the left hand has no calories. Several principles are at work here. First of all, you're probably standing up at a party (see "Food on Foot", above) Then, there's the electronic field: a wet glass in one hand forms a negative charge to reverse the polarities of the calories attracted to the other hand. It's not quite known how it works, but the reverse is true if you're left-handed.

6. FOOD FOR MEDICINAL PURPOSES - Food used for medicinal purposes never counts. For example: Hot chocolate, cheesecake (it’s a mood-enhancer!), apple-pies (remember, an apple a day, keeps the doc away??) et al.

7. WHIPPED CREAM, SOUR CREAM, and BUTTER - These all act as a poultice that actually "draws out" the calories when placed on any food, leaving them calorie free. Afterwards, you can eat the poultice, too, since all the calories have been neutralized by it.

8. CHILDREN'S FOOD - Anything produced, purchased, or intended for minors is calorie free when eaten by adults. This category covers a wide range, beginning with a spoonful of baby food custard, consumed for demonstration purposes, up to Oreo cookies or cake batter or cookie dough.

9. FOOD ON TOOTHPICKS - Sausage, cocktail franks, and crackers are all fattening unless impaled on frilly toothpicks. The insertion of a sharp object allows the calories to leak out at the bottom.

10. CHARITABLE FOODS - Girl Scout cookies, bake sale cakes, ice cream socials and church strawberry festivals all have a religious dispensation from calories.

11. CUSTOM MADE TREATS - Anything somebody makes "just for you" must be eaten, regardless of the calories, because to do otherwise would be uncaring and insensitive. Your kind intentions will not go unrecognized, except by the calories!

So eat MORE! Njoi ;-)

Crazy, am I?

2006-01-23T02:09:00.000-08:00

"I keep worrying, fretting all day and night..thinking abt my future, parents, finances, careers, life... etc etc"

"Am I insane"?

"No! You're Human"

2006-01-17T02:59:00.000-08:00

Behind every successful person is a man or a woman. A person who is the wind beneath your wings. That one special person who has the capacity to love you unconditionally and beautifully. A person who understands you even when you don't deserve it; someone who can make you smile or laugh even at times when you don't want to; someone who sees your good - shares and understands your dreams and also helps you get there, gives you gyaan on determination and conviction, who inspires you along and rejoices in your triumphs, who is there besides you when everyone else flees, someone who believes in you. Someone who calls even at 3AM and tells you what a retard u've been; who kicks you in the butt when others wudn't dare; forgives all your goof-ups and blunders and would ask you to try again.

Isn't it amazing to have sucha lovely soul in your life? How do these people exist in a world full of jealousies, back stabbing, insults, constant ridicule and snobbery? How is this wonderful person untouched by all of it? Why is he always in content, even when he is sidelined in another person's path to fame and fortune?

Is this person insane? or psyched? No! He is someone with a face. You may find him in your family, friends, spouse or even a stranger - who has touched your life in some way or the other. They have the gift of love. Love is the only thing I know which makes you - unselfish, giving, understanding, gentle, courageous, generous, devoted and loyal. This is the kinda love which moves you to soar beyond your goals. You need nothing else other than this kinda love to make it to anything in this world. If you have found this kinda love in any man or woman - You have found an incomparable TREASURE.

Cherish them!

2006-01-11T09:59:00.000-08:00

An aunty calls and asks a series of personal questions...reason?? She has a son of a "marriageable age"

How do you look?
Wht's your education?
Wht kinda person are you?
Are you religious?
Wud you continue working after marriage?
Are you religious?
How long are your hair?
Are you domestically inclined?
How close are you to your relatives??

Sheetal, Dee, Vijz and Sabs laugh when I repeat this to them! Jeez...make fun of me..But I've gotten used to it. Used to being "checked" out by mothers who have sons aged 26+, at all social gatherings. Unusual stares, whimsical gestures and extremely obvious gossip, I have beared it all.

25 and single!! So what??? Big Deal.

Just leave me alone. Please dn't tax my sense of humour.
Thank you very much.

2006-01-03T09:26:00.000-08:00

My idea of an ideal morning is to wake up and sit at the window sill and enjoy the sunrays that come in thru the window during summers or enojy the cool breeze that blows due to the rains during monsoon. Was sitting and reflecting...do we not miss the beautiful and enjoyable moments of life in our daily routine of work?

I am not against 'work'; it's just that I feel we loose out on the things that we aim to achieve by 'work', just because of work. The current scenario (or an emerging culture) is where the husband and wife both work. They do not see each other during the day, wud call about once or twice to inquire abt the other person's whereabouts, and possibly get time only on weekends to spend time with each other. And that too is a time when they 'rightfully' need some time to rest after the exhaustion of the week. If they have kids, they too are deprived of their parent's presence in their day to day life.

I donno whether there is a solution to the above problem, a woman has equal and good enuf reasons to choose and follow a career path, just as a man does; but does it result in a healthy family?

It's a different thing when people who work, work only to gain satisfaction from the work they do. But if they expect to enjoy the fruits of their labour in their personal life, do they really achieve the material comforts they aim for, and compromise on their emotional needs, at the same time?

Donno..is there a way out of this circle?? Life is full of ironies. We spend our entire lives to earn enuf to buy a comb, but we loose all our hair, by the time we have it!!!

Happy New Year!

2005-12-30T09:27:00.000-08:00

There goes another year into pages of history.

Another year unfolds,
New paths we have to tread.
We wonder what life holds
In the brand new year ahead.

My special wish just for you
Is a blessing from God above,
To make this your happiest year,
Filled with joy and peace and love.

Happy New Year to all.

Another one bites the dust.....

2005-12-27T00:12:00.000-08:00

Dear Readers,

Please Welcome, Shashank

2005-12-26T10:09:00.000-08:00

Ashish loves the sunrise. He makes it a point to watch that time before the sun rises. The sun slowly pops up, killing the New York chill during winters, sprinkling warmth through the windows.! Wow! It just fires! And that's when he looks behind him and finds his wife, Shruti, still asleep.

She is a Media Professional, with a Masters Degree in Advertising and Public Relations to her credit. But she's turning into a Writer. She, when in harmony and her heart in tune, can create a wonderful sunrise and sunset with her pen. She's adept with words. But lately her mood has been different. Married for three years now, she gets herself to tune into human wavelengths.

"It's so difficult after marriage", she jotted. 'Human wavelengths and behavioural patterns' get so complicated after marriage, she continued. The eternal truth is that each is right in his/her way and yet the Herculean arguments dn't end. You want to be understood and so does ur partner, and in the process the process of understanding oneself is forgotten. Is that what marriage is all about??

"It's just not abt love and romance; It's about companionship. You have a companion and yet you feel lonely. But there is something that keeps a marriage going. Something powerful than the barefaced facts. It's the absolute contenment of not haven spoken a single word, in a horribly crowded street, and still feel the presence of the other person that you love and miss the most. And I am happy I am married", she wrote further.

Ashish reads the lines and says, "God! These lines are so contradictory! Wonder whether you are cursing marriage or praising it. From what I can gather and understand, you are just trying to potray it as a happy concept, since you are in it and cannot run away from it".

"You have the ability to read me so well, Ashish", said Shruti and smiled. "It's cause I am your husband and I know you more than you think I do", he came up to her and kissed her on her forehead.

"Can you fix breakfast soon, I need to go to work early today", said Ashish. "A woman's supression starts from here!, shruti screams. Y don't u make breakfast today and feed me too", she said. "I can't work at my will, like the way you do. Boss will fire me if I am late", he teases her.

Start of the day for Mr.and Mrs. Shah.

Ashish is a software professional. Work is his passion. He's lost when he's in work and works for 26 hrs a day. He is clear that he needs a wife who sticks to home since his job is highly pressurised, which unfortunately was not the case before marriage and he had promised Shruti that she can work after marriage. And so Shruti had to give away her job and makes sure she reminds Ashish of her 'sacrifice' atleast once a day! And so habituated is Ashish, he xtends more than a lending ear to all of it. Shruti loves writing and Ashish encourages her. As of now, that's all he can afford to do, neways.

Shruti has this beautiful quality in finding light in the darkest corners. She introspects and catches hold of the purpose that any situation creates however worse it looks on the surface. That has taught her to be less dependent on Ashish, who is so busy building his career and has no time for his family.

But they both have a common goal. A happy home. And so each try and give more than what they can to maintain the peace and harmony. The write up that Shruti started is one of the most commenst of moods that waver in almost every human mind.

'It's the contenment of marriage. You don't feel you are making sacrifices, even when you are'. 'Priorites are adjusted, flexibility is enhanced and humility is respected.'

'Marriage has something sacred and deeper in it'. I just dn't regret being married, she says finally.

Mental compatibility and human wavelengths, their affilitaion and timings, only GOD gets it right!!

Merry Christmas!

2005-12-23T08:04:00.000-08:00

Tagged by Anonymous.

2005-12-20T09:17:00.000-08:00

Me 10 years ago…

At this time, was preparing for 11th std. exams. Had absolutely no idea what to do with chemistry. Have always hated that subject eva since my school days.

Me 5 years ago...

I was at my first job.

Last year…

At this time, was coping up with the biggest earth shattering event of my life. I learnt how a few decisions or any problem of that magnitude can shake up your world ruining up your sense of security and balance. With trust shattered and self-respect put to task, had felt so disoriented. Happy that those times have past by.

Yesterday…

Promised myself to embark on a new life. Concentrating on "ME". I can say with conviction that I'm happy things turned out the way it did. Helped me grow as an individual. Thank God for these blessings.

5 things that drive me crazy:

Red Roses (I adore 'em).
Chocolates (especially Ferrero, Dairy Milk and Bounty).
Chocolate Pastries (Yum!).
Ice-Creams (all flavours).
Bags (I have bags of all sizes).

5 people I miss so much:

Arjun (my nephew. He's my dahling.)
Sheetal (One of my best frnds in college. Married and settled in Canada).
Dee (my best frnd from school. Married and settled in Baroda).
S (I put up a brave face and smile fondly at the fond memories of a time that has long gone. Hope blessed things come your way..each day).
Sana (She's away in B'glore. She is, the wind beneath my wings).

5 things I remember by heart:

All my fav. songs (in full).
Phone numbers of all the people whose call I dn't want to attend..eva!.
Phone nunbers of all my friends staying outside India.
DOB's of all my friends. (I am known to neva miss anyone's budday).
That day - 16th August 1999.

5 places I escape to:

Crosswords.
Any coffee shop.
Beach.
Any shopping mall.
On the couch.

5 things I hate when people do this:

Be late.
Fail to keep promises.
Lie.
Hurt.
Pretend.

5 favorite things in the closet:

Black denim jeans.
White Armani T-shirt.
Blue denim skirt.
Brown leather bag picked up from UK.
Watch.

5 things ‘love doing:

Cooking.
Reading.
Shopping.
Writing.
Travelling.

5 most valued intangible things:

Life.
Communication.
Trust.
Friendship.
Character.

5 things I enjoy:

Music.
Movies.
Blogging.
Talking / Chatting.
Fitness / Exercising.

5 bloggers I would like to tag…

Anyone can take this tag.....

Dedicated to one of my bestest friend.

2005-12-17T08:06:00.000-08:00

Friends claim to know you better than you know yourself. You know what? They sometimes do.

"No matter who broke your heart or how long it takes to heal, you'll never get through it without your friends" - Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and The City.

I agree with her. It's true. Some say you can get through anything if you truly try. But wudn't you be that much colder, more bitter and much more self-pitying? This is what friends do. They soften blows, offer (unsolicited, sometimes) advice and hold an umbrella over your head so you don't get hit by the rubble when your world collapses around you. They might not be able to help, might not even understand, but somehow, they make things better...by just being there.

And V is one of them. I have always marveled at the fact that our friendship has survived our disparate mindsets. We knew we are worlds apart, but were binded by an inexplicable connection; we can talk about everything under the sun, neve judging each other on the kind of life we lead. She brings outa different side of me and I have learnt a lot of things from her world.

I trust my life with her. She's one of the few whom I can call at 3:00 AM in a crisis and know that she'll be out the door and on her way to me even before I hang up the phone. She laughs when I am happy, has shed tears when I am hurt and calls me an IDIOT when I need to hear it. She's neva judged me and hears those things which I, sometimes am afraid of saying. She's a treasure, and as treasures go, they are rare. So is she. She represents that part of my life that I am not afraid of. SHE'S GETTING MARRIED AND MOVING TO CANADA.

I thank God for YOU. For

Running with me, pushing people aside, and getting into the gents compartment.
Making me eat pizza that tasted like cardboard, so my stomach wouldn't growl in the night.
Pampering me when I had a minor attack of flu.
Extending the time we spend together by two hrs, everytime electing to take the next train.
For making good lemon tea and delicious breakfast, everytime I stayed over at your house.
All the times we gosspied abt old classmates, your boyfriend-going-to-be-husband, relatives, old habits and new jobs.
All the times we teased each other incessantly.
Putting up with my addiction to have the fan on..no matter what the temperature is.
Jumping and yelling your guts out loud on the sight of a cockroach, also scaring the hell outta me.
Making a picnic out of a regula bus/train ride.

We've prayed together,
We've fought together,
Walked away together,
Met up with each others spiritual needs,
Have shopped, shared, hurt, heal and joked together.

We share a special bond. Which is unique to us. You have been with me, every step, every day ---I love you and u'd missed a damn lot!

Another lesson of love...from the deepest closet.

2005-12-12T10:49:00.000-08:00

Life and it's experiences cant turn you into a philosopher.

Quote Claude Wooldridge in Louis Buss's Luxury of Exile:

The end of a relationship is the negative copy of its beginning. there is the same feeling of unreality as when you have just fallen in love, the same loss of appetite and sleep. The strange numbness, like the shock after an accident, is exactly the same. A relationship is a holiday from loneliness, beginning and ending in the same airport. The most awful thing about the end is that it clearly reminds you of the beginning, of the joy with which you set off, everything is the same, yet everything has been inverted by grief.

I wonder what makes people what they are. Is it fruitless to expect change in them? Are we destined to be born as an exception, amongst the general fraternity of people who are unemotional, cold, unfeeling and uncaring? I don't believe that. I am sure there are people in this world who think like the way we do. To whom sensitivity, kindness, care, concern, compassion and understanding mean just as much as they do to you. Then why is it that we neva come across people like ourselves?

I know of people who are in love and cannot, for some or the other reason, cannot declare it. It's sucha lousy situation to be in. My heart sure does go out to them. But there are a certain set of people I pity a lot. The ones who are loved, those who are thought of and are cared for. Those whose smallest gestures make for a smile in someone's life, those whose mere presence is sheer joy and whose voice is like music. They are the ones who have a place in someone's heart, but don't know what they have. Those who break the same very hearts that ache for them. Those who do not feel the hurt and see the tears that follow their unkind words. Those who are offered comfort and reassurances, but don't care at all. Those who are consoled when needed to lift their spirits, but who spurn them in an act of pride. Those who ask/demand tokens of love and the need to be made to feel special, but have a problem in accepting it.

These are the most unfortunate people. They are given a chance to be loved, but who will not and cannot.

People like flowers do come, the lucky one gets to be with you always, the others just wilt away. Outside of obsession, the real world is a very happy world. Because people change, time passes, the heart grows wider, and room is made for something, someone new. We value a person only after we have lost them. Nuthing lasts foreva. But till the time it is..lets make it beautiful and worthwhile. Lets give and make the most of the hearts that care for us.

2005-12-11T08:55:00.000-08:00

I ate an entire bar of dark rich chocolate tday. Just like that.

Dear Calories,

You can stick on to me tday, thou will be burnt tommorrow.

I wud make my epitaph read as, "Calories today, gone tommorrow".

For once I am not cribbing.

And I also spoke to Dee after ages. Spoke to her of things I can only tell her. Girlfriends just ROCK!

Hope you guys had a lovely weekend.

When there is someone....

2005-12-07T10:32:00.000-08:00

We all grow emotional at times, don't we? How wud it be to pour all your troubles, anxities, fears, problems and worries into the heart of another person? And finding a responding chord?

How delighted wud one feel to be secured in the knowledge that no matter what the world thinks of you, there is this one person who believes in you and that you can depend upon their judgement, love and loyalty. Fingers that entwine with yours, assuring of you being good, when there are fingers being pointed out at you. For every person who finds nuthing but flaws and faults in you, there is this one person who knows your worth and also makes you realize it. Who loves you overlooking all your flaws. That when I am blamed for doing wrong, someone to tell you that you learn from your misakes and that I wud have neva known it was wrong unless I did it.

I know I have someone to turn on to, when I need to discuss my ideas or express my feelings, besides my blog. That my problem will not be "mine", but "ours" after I discussed it and that WE together wud find a solution for it. My every gesture wud be acknowledged and rewarded with an equal gesture, not out of expectation but out of love, care and concern. That when my heart is heavy and the world beneath my feet has slipped away, the world wudn't care any less, but someone does care. That when something tragic happens in ma life, I have a shoulder to cry on. Someone who eases the pain and wud cry with me if need arises.

How emotional can one be? Isn't this the stuff that dreams are made of? We feel like a small child marooned on an island looking for a parent. Some find and get. Some dn't. The ones who find are just so God damn lucky. The ones who dn't find make peace with themselves. They learn to survive alone. They learn to trust and find love, comfort and solace in themselves. No one can be a better friend than oneself. You know what lies within you; you are precious. You can only be sorry for that someone who neva took possession of it.

Blog-O-Mine.

2005-12-06T07:01:00.000-08:00

I've always been a very private person, except with the people who are near and dear to me. But since I created this blog, I've become more open about my views. I receive the greatest satisfaction when I read the comments. It's wonderful to know that people not only visit your blog, read your posts, have thought about what you have written and have taken out time to acquaint you with their ideas and opinions. It gives me great pleasure and I look forward to comments from people everytime I pen something down.

On my way back from work today, I was thinking....what if you were to market/promote your blog? What punchline woud you have? What woud be your USP?. Marketing has neva been my cuppa chai. I am one of those who wudn't know how to sell a heater to an Eskimo!! My recommendations can get anyone to be suspectible! For eg. If I were to say, "If you like reading, then visit my blog, and if you like what you read, keep reading". I am afraid, it mite sound like, "My blog's great, you need to visit once to believe it.". Huh! Just not me. Sounds so flattery!

This blog has become personal to me. I feel a sense of ownership. I am possessive about it and cherish it with all my other cherished possessions. I feel like a plant without being watered, when I dn't post anything on it for days. I wud neva want my this little plant to eva fade away. I aim to nuture it and make it a tree, with people who comment as my strong branches. Tho' I am not in the best of health these days, my energy wud neva fail me....

2005-12-01T07:42:00.000-08:00

Has your life worked out the way you wanted it to? Do you know anyone whose life has worked the way they planned or expected? A segment of ma life, by sheer chance, has gone the way I expected it to. But it neva lasted forever.The other times when I insisted that it go the way I have planned, I wasn't confident enuf that it was indeed the right way it shud go.

I have neva met anyone whose life has gone they way they planned or hoped and who is content with the outcome. Apart from the privileged few who have in every way managed to get the desired outcome from life. Have you eva thought, Why do we pay such a high price in terms of being alive in lieu for the success of our plans and expectations from life.?

Life hardly ever works out the way we expect it to and majority of our life's plans turn out differently, if not completely opposite, than we imagine. Should you be grateful for this?

Life is ordinary, but it also is wild, adventurous and with lots of surprises. If we were to get all that we asked for, our intelligence would always be underdeveloped and we would use less than 10% of our mental capacity to be situated where we are today. Everything would be nice....but would that BE life??

We all have expectations and they differ for different people. Our ideal blueprint reads of high standards in life, which most of us would neva admit. Irrespective of whether they are reasonable or not, we cannot refrain from placing our expectations and neither can we plan our life.

Have you noticed how even when everything else in your life is perfect, you still tend to get hung up about certain things that are NOT right?

I have decided to proceed with my list of expectations, longer than Sushmita Sen's legs, with all passion, vigour, will and effort. I will simultaneously also learn to acknowledge the inevitability of their failure to turn out the way I desired. I'd wait to see what I am given, and will diligently accept wat is offered.

Oh well. Life.